Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask dh to use a cpap?

48 replies

FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:11

Dh works away a lot, his current pattern is away all week, back some weekends, but this will be changing next month and he'll e home most nights.
He is overweight, and has snored for as long as I remember. I've bought snoring sprays, etc, which don't really work. He's tried strips, not sleeping on his back, dieting, nothing changes. It wakes me up three times a night, on average. I'm tired for most of the day. There is no spare bed to go to, and a night on the sofa or blow up mattress stuffed in a small floor space in another room isn't that restful - I get woken up when he gets up at 5. 30am anyway and often can't get back to sleep before my own alarm. His snores often sound weird, as if he's stopped breathing for a few seconds. I was previously concerned for his health, but I'm just getting annoyed now, as he's not doing anything about it.

My sister's housemate is also overweight and has been using a cpap machine for a while, which has stopped all this for him. I've suggested dh get one, but if it was down on his medical records, he wouldn't be able to do all the interesting work abroad which he currently enjoys.

Our local pharmacy rents out these machines. No gp required. AIBU to insist he tries one?

OP posts:

MissConductUS · 16/03/2019 00:54

OP, if you can get him to try an auto-cpap it would be a big win for both of you. There is really no downside to using it and untreated apnea is really quite dangerous.

dennispennis · 16/03/2019 00:58

I presume you reported it to the dvla and are still not driving if you have untreated SA @PomBearWithAnOFRS ?

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 16/03/2019 00:59

Past suggesting it to him, I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do. I don't think asking him to give it a go is unreasonable, and surely it's much better for him to go along and speak to the pharmacist himself, rather than me try and hire one for him (which I'm not sure would happen without some written disclaimer/permission or something).
Tbh it's driving me mad. It really feels like he's pushing to the point of making me so annoyed I leave! (Whether that's leave him to the comfy bed himself, or leave the marriage, I don't know!)

OP posts:

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 16/03/2019 01:02

susie, sorry, I missed your post before - hope your OH recovered from the stroke OK! How's he doing now?

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 16/03/2019 01:09

I have never had a driving licence @dennis so had no need to report myself to anyone...

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 16/03/2019 01:15

OP posts:

TooManyPaws · 16/03/2019 03:17

Surely the medical staff will have had something to say about him being overweight? I would have thought that it would be brought up at his regular PULHHEEMS and affect his grading for duty. Certainly, being at the time pretty muscular, the weight/height charts were the bane of my life. He'll also have the entire mess deck complaining about his snoring at sea if it's that bad. Some of the bunks were so close together that I found it very difficult to sleep on my side.

babyworry2018 · 16/03/2019 03:38

I really don't think it's a good idea without diagnosis.

Also, snoring isn't necessarily a sign of the sleep apnoea being bad, in my DH's case snoring meant more air flow so he temporarily got louder as it got better.

His sleep study showed he had terrible apnea on his back but a normal reading on his side. His specialist said he didn't need a CPAP but should use pillows to ensure he always slept on his side and lose two stone.

He's done both and it's much better. Having read into CPAP it's not something I'd do lightly. It sounds like your DH has mild apnoea like mine in which case alternative ways to manage it are preferable.

I'd also be aware that he may be in breach of work regulations and insurance policies if he uses one without disclosing. The questions on our mortgage insurance focused on using a CPAP machine rather than a sleep apnea diagnosis.

Belleende · 16/03/2019 06:06

Also, if he has a bad experience of using a CPAP, he may decide they are not for him, and then you are really stuck. Better to get him properly diagnosed and fitted with the latest machine. My DP uses one. His old one was rubbish, but the new one runs almost silently and the mask is much smaller.

TapasForTwo · 16/03/2019 07:03

OH had to try several different masks before he found one that was comfortable. He is a medical mystery. The doctors can't understand why he has sleep apnoea as he is so skinny. Everyone in the waiting room at clinic appointments is overweight except for OH.

jaseyraex · 16/03/2019 07:30

TapasForTwo That is exactly the same as my husband! Terrible sleep apnoea but he is borderline underweight. He's thinner than me!

OP, he needs to take this more seriously. I know you can't force him but remind as much as you can how dangerous sleep apnoea can be. He needs to at least try and get it sorted.

Ellisandra · 16/03/2019 07:37

@TooManyPaws I’m glad you posted as (as a totally uninformed non military person) I was wondering “surely in the military he’d be ordered to lose weight?”

Bagpuss5 · 16/03/2019 07:47

I would resolve the sleep issue. I would fit in twin beds and get some proper moulding ear plugs so that you hear less than usual. And I would get him to put his clothes in the bathroom in the morning and make sure his bed is next to the door so you aren't disturbed.

It def seems his comfort comes before yours.

Snugglepiggy · 16/03/2019 08:06

Your DH sounds incredibly selfish if he won't take this seriously enough to try and shed some weight or go to the doctor.The first may be all that's needed.Lack of good quality sleep for both of you is bad in so many ways .I love my DH but seriously started to resent his dreadful snoring,which as he got heavier turned into sleep apnoea. Much worse if he rolled onto his back.And he was falling asleep sometimes several times a day-just for seconds but enough to make driving positively irresponsible. All it took was losing half a stone to dramatically improve things,but he still went to the GP who gave him a nasal spray and said come back for referral to a sleep clinic if it worsens again but the lost another half a stone and it has transformed his sleep- and mine.Fortunately he did it for me as much as himself.It may not be weight in his case,but it would certainly do no harm to try.I didn't need to lose weight myself but I cut back portions and cooked tasty but healthy meals ,we cut out alchohol and snacks together -no drastic diet.So my health improved too .I realise if he is away a lot it's hard to plan a healthier diet together.

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 17/03/2019 22:57

Surely the medical staff will have had something to say about him being overweight?
Yes, he's been to a nutritionist a number of times, but their ship is in and out for varying lengths of time right now, so he hasn't been for a while. Despite being overweight, he passes all his fitness tests. He has his own cabin, so I don't think he'd be disturbing anyone else. What would they do about it anyway? He shared a cabin last deployment and nothing happened.

It sounds like your DH has mild apnoea like mine in which case alternative ways to manage it are preferable.
Which he won't do. I wasn't aware of the use of cpap affecting insurance. I wonder why that is?

Better to get him properly diagnosed and fitted with the latest machine
Yes, going to a private sleep clinic and consulting the pharmacist will ensure this.

TooManyPaws I’m glad you posted as (as a totally uninformed non military person) I was wondering “surely in the military he’d be ordered to lose weight?”

Do you think I'm making it up?

I would fit in twin beds and get some proper moulding ear plugs so that you hear less than usual. And I would get him to put his clothes in the bathroom in the morning and make sure his bed is next to the door so you aren't disturbed.

I find earplugs very uncomfortable as I sleep on my side and it pushes uncomfortably into my shallow ears! At this point, I don't see why it's me who should be putting up with discomfort from an issue of his, which he does nothing about. Nice idea about twin beds, but the distance wouldn't be sufficient. I'm actually thinking of squashing DS old bed into the junk room when he gets a new one. I'll go in there.

I realise if he is away a lot it's hard to plan a healthier diet together.
Three cooked meals a day. Desserts. He doesn't appear to have a lot of willpower. Drinks, fast foods and restaurant meals ashore. I'd be overweight too.

OP posts:

Bagpuss5 · 18/03/2019 08:26

I can remember cooking special meals for DH, as well as a family meal, to 'help' him diet. Also remember getting the blame for him being overweight due to my good cooking.
It's v hard to change someone else's behaviour. I think it's the junk room for you OP, or perhaps for DH.

OrangePot · 18/03/2019 09:06

I was prescribed (?) a CPAP for a time some years ago - this came about as a side issue after visiting a sleep clinic for another condition (for which I sacrificed my driving license). It was often quite uncomfortable but there were various ways to make adjustments. I took it to the US on holiday and paid a slight extra on my travel insurance. I won't pretend it wasn't a pain but would you go abroad without prescribed medication?

My OH says that although it was noisy it was more like living near traffic - a constant noise he got used to. Since I stopped it he says my snoring is worse again and we tend to sleep in separate rooms ☺️.

I appreciate the military may have stricter rules and that your OH is unwilling to give up travel (and perhaps scared in reality?), but it does sound like he's being selfish to ignore not only your feelings but the possible implications for his health. If it really is possible to get one from a pharmacy 'off the record' to try, it seems he should at least show willing to give it a go.

TapasForTwo · 18/03/2019 09:07

Modern CPAP machines aren't noisy at all.

MissConductUS · 18/03/2019 12:47

DH's old cpap was from 2011. The new one is much smaller, quieter and less intrusive for him due to the automatic pressure adjustment.

littlemeitslyn · 18/03/2019 16:13

What's a c pap?

CMOTDibbler · 18/03/2019 16:17

DH has been on CPAP for 12 years now, and his latest machine fits in your hand and is virtually silent - quieter than the central heating pump noise in our room. He's tried a number of masks, and settled on nasal pillows which work really well for him. He has auto bi pap so it sorts out the pressure itself and tells him his apnoea ratings in the morning.

TapasForTwo · 18/03/2019 16:43

littlemeitslyn Continuous Positive Airway Pressure. It is used for people with sleep apnoea, critically ill people, neonatal babies and people with neuromuscular diseases.

The continuous pressure prevents the airway from closing up.

ThePlaceToVent · 18/03/2019 17:05

My OH is s Submariner and has been given medical clearance to take his CPAP to sea.

Flip

1 2