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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What should I do?

55 replies

SarahLea3 · 15/03/2019 19:21

So my daughter is 11 and has a friend round for the night. Its a usual thing. She has a friend round most weekends for a night or 2 depending on the friend. I have just been up to check on them and as I went up she hid something. After asking 3 times what she was hiding she pulled out some empty packets. I thought maybe the friend had brought them so I asked where she got them and she said downstairs. She had taken packets of biscuits out of the snack box downstairs. We always say if they are hungry they can eat whenever they want but it must be healthy so fruit or a yoghurt. I asked her why she stole them and she just shrugged as she didn't know what to say. I told her if she had asked I would have said yes but she stole them which was naughty. She has always been so good, and I mean amazingly good.she does as she's told, no backchat etc. But she has started getting sneaky. She took some dvds off my shelf a few weeks ago and took them to her friends without asking. They weren't appropriate for their age. I don't know what to do as never had to deal with it. I told her off and said she wasn't having anyone over for the next 2 weekends and I've taken her phone. What can I do to get it drummed in that she can't just start taking things. I told her I need to trust her and if she carries on I won't be able to. Or am I just completely over reacting?!

OP posts:
skybluee · 15/03/2019 21:45

Children eat so much sugar these days and I honestly believe it's massively problematic on so many levels. I have friends who have cut the amount of sugar in their childrens' diets and seen massive positive behavioural changes and as a result have happier calmer children.

For once... I don't think the OP is being unreasonable. It's the fact her daughter took them without asking. Surely at 11 you ask? The issue is she specifically knew she wasn't meant to have them - she hid them, etc.

Now, I don't think it's healthy to have blanket rules like all snacks must be 'healthy' such as a fruit or yoghurt, and I do believe a sleepover should be an exception - BUT I don't agree with kids having sweets every day, biscuits every day. It's setting up horrible patterns and quite honestly it's setting up health problems and people sometimes think it's cool to be blind to that.

I think it's fine for them to have biscuits on special occasions but that's what it is - on occasion not every day...

OP I'd speak to her openly about it and ask her why she took them and hid them... maybe she is hungry. 11 year olds need a tonne of food.

When I was growing up I was very underweight and hungry a lot of the time. There was no malice or intent and my mum would be horrified if she knew that now so I would never tell her, but she simply didn't realise the amount of food someone growing or going through puberty needed, especially if they're really active. You know your own child - is she healthy and well?

You say if she'd asked you would've said yes, and there also was an issue with the DVDs, so it does seem to be more of an issue with sneaking things than to do with food... so I'd try to get to the root of why she is taking things. Does she have much privacy at home - able to lock her bedroom door, privacy in the bathroom, able to have a diary that isn't read? I didn't have much privacy and I actually think that's where some of my problems may have began, I don't know.

Good luck with sorting it out.

Prisonbreak · 15/03/2019 21:54

You are kidding right? She ate biscuits with her friend. Please tell me you are kidding.
Unless you read somewhere that genocide was started over a few unauthorised biscuits and you are worried she will ‘spiral’
.... lighten up.

screamifyouwant · 15/03/2019 21:58

Can't you get some treats for them when she has a friend round ?
I mean regular healthy snacks ok but as a weekly treat when she has a friend round let her have some chocolate and crisps etc . Yabu it's chocolate not drink or cigarettes be careful being too strict they will rebel . I'm sure it wasn't that long ago you can remember being that age ?

Joebloggswazere · 15/03/2019 22:06

www.facebook.com/1532232941/posts/10218592544714798?sfns=mo
Totally on your daughters side Grin

KM99 · 16/03/2019 13:42

OP, it's your house so your rules. But the red flag for me is the extent of the punishment over biscuits. Where do you go from if she does something more serious in the future?

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