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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH Out Every Saturday

65 replies

ejsim89 · 15/03/2019 12:31

Having a real AIBU minute here.

Back story.
I have been with my man now for a year and 2 months. We have our own home and actively trying for baby no1. He is 4 years younger than me.
Family issues had left him very much dependant on alcohol when we met. He could be very emotional and sometimes angry when he drinks - never aggressive. After a fallout at Christmas he decided to stop drinking as often as he did - 4 or 5 nights out of 7 at this point. He went 4 full weeks without a sip (absolutely certain of this) since last month he has begun to drink again, never in the house or weekdays but on Saturdays.
It has become a Saturday thing now - finish work at 3pm and head out with his boss for drinks that don't bring him home until around 9pm.
I'm worried he might slip into old ways.

This is my question - is once a week for your man to go out and let some steam off normal?? I've been so used to having him with me when he's not working that I get annoyed that he wants to spend time away from me - especially to drink.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2019 14:30

Another one saying that it would be very foolish indeed to have a baby with this man now. I’m not saying never have a baby with him, but not now. A violent alcoholic is not going to be a good father. If he can beat his alcohol addiction, and control his temper, then you could consider a baby, but having one now is a recipe for disaster.

It is up to you if you decide to stay with him - you are an adult and can decide what you want - but you cannot inflict a violent alcoholic father on a baby. You simply can’t.

coffeeismyspinach · 15/03/2019 14:34

Every day I'm so grateful I wasn't born to a shitstorm like this. You would be extremely irresponsible to have a baby with this man, he's a violent alcoholic. And the one who would pay for this stupid decision is the kid.

areyoubeingserviced · 15/03/2019 14:37

He’s an alcoholic .
You shouldn’t even be thinking of bringing a child into this relationship

IHateUncleJamie · 15/03/2019 14:38

An alcoholic who is angry when drunk is going to create an unstable and chronically stressful atmosphere which will impact hugely on your child/ren as they grow up. PLEASE don’t bring a baby into this relationship as it is at present.

coffeeismyspinach · 15/03/2019 14:39

And from your other threads you are also subjecting your two children you had previously to this man, don't work, leave in a shithole and are still desperate to have a kid with him. It's one of those times you really hope it's a wind up.

JaneEyre07 · 15/03/2019 14:40

Time to take off the rose tinted specs OP.

You do not know this man well enough to have a child together.

This much shit a year in? Run a mile and don't look back.

Beaverhausen · 15/03/2019 14:43

Firstly OP stop trying for a baby or you are going to end up being another statistic.

Put your foot down, make sure he gets help or attends meetings. Once he has shown he can be a grown up after a few years then try for a baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2019 14:43

You're in a relationship with someone with a drinking problem. Your choice. But not a baby's choice so don't do that.

Bananalanacake · 15/03/2019 14:46

it is too soon. you already live together. how much does he spend on alcohol a week. that should be used for your home and bills.

kingfisherblue33 · 15/03/2019 14:49

I have been with my man now for a year and 2 months. We have our own home and actively trying for baby no1.
Why are you rushing so much? How old are you? You don't know him well enough after such a short time.

Family issues had left him very much dependant on alcohol when we met.
'Family issues'? Not everyne with family issues drinks too much. What else will make him drink too much?

He could be very emotional and sometimes angry when he drinks - never aggressive.
Hmm, an angry drunk. Great.

I've been so used to having him with me when he's not working that I get annoyed that he wants to spend time away from me - especially to drink.
Well, it's unhealthy to spend all your free time with your partner. I'd feel stifled and I'd hate having to spend every waking minute with my h. It's normal and healthy to have separate interests.

I'd stop ttc until your h has his drinking under control.

Orangecookie · 15/03/2019 15:06

No. He needs years, not one month, to show he is managing his addiction.

He’s an angry drunk.

You seem to need him around most of the time.

Please don’t have a baby with him. Go to counselling.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2019 15:16

I don't understand women who do this. I really don't.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/03/2019 15:22

Please don't rush into having a baby with an alcoholic who has only managed to be sober for one month in the 14 that you have known him.

They use any excuse to go back to drinking and he clearly is. There is no such thing as thinking its under control because he "restricts" it to one day.

You should get some professional advice about this. 14 months is not long enough to know if he is ready to solve his problems.

Missingstreetlife · 15/03/2019 16:25

Big red flag. Go to alanon to helpmsee what's going on. He should go to aa. No baby. This will end in tears

Motoko · 15/03/2019 17:03

Are you mad? What on earth are you doing, trying to bring a baby into this relationship, that will already be inflicting damage on your other 2 children?

Think about the kids you already have, not yourself. They don't deserve this, and may well end up alcoholics themselves, because they too will have had "family problems".

YOU are inflicting this on them.

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