Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is dp over dd illnesses?

44 replies

marching · 15/03/2019 07:06

Every time our dd gets Ill dp moans about it. He moans because 1. She's ill and 2. He will get ill.

She does get ill a lot with colds and viruses, but I thought it's normal as she's at school and therefore catching a lot of different illnesses.

We had an argument yesterday as I was fed up of him moaning at her for coughing and 'spreading germs'. I said he should care for her when she's ill and not shout at her and blame her for being ill.

I can't stand the fact he blames her for having a cold etc.

I know it's annoying being ill every other week but surely that's expected when you have young children. Isn't it?

So just wondering who's bu?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 15/03/2019 07:07

He is being totally unreasonable.

Your poor dd!

ApolloandDaphne · 15/03/2019 07:16

It's hardly her fault she is unwell. It's just one of those things. It's fair enough to say that he hopes he doesn't catch it. I think everyone hopes that when family members are ill but it is not on to moan about it and make her feel bad.

needthisthread · 15/03/2019 07:19

He isn't just BU, he is throwing a massive red flag.

Do you really want your DD to grow up with a father who blames her for being ill? Fair enough at 2 she isn't going to understand that, but as she gets older it will escalate and she will be left feeling as if she is to blame for all sorts of things.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/03/2019 07:21

If he is that fussed about catching it he should wear PPE and stop whinging. Germs are an inevitable fact of life

Sexnotgender · 15/03/2019 07:23

He’s being unreasonable and a total dick frankly!

Hunter037 · 15/03/2019 07:23

@needthisthread
OP said she is in school so must be older than 2 and therefore able to understand what's being said

Original poster
marching · 15/03/2019 07:26

She's 6 and no I don't want her growing up being blamed for being ill.

The reason i am concerned is when he asked her if she was ill she said no, even though she obviously was, as she knew he would moan about it.

OP posts:
MRex · 15/03/2019 07:30

He's being really awful, poor girl. Ask him what he thinks will be happening to her self esteem with this behaviour.

GruciusMalfoy · 15/03/2019 07:31

It's hardly surprising that she said no, she's scared of being made to feel terrible about something outwith her control. That's really poor from him.

needthisthread · 15/03/2019 07:35

Sorry I misread that. I just picked 'she is ill and 2' Blush

Doesn't change my response though. That's even worse. Poor kid.

Pinkcar21 · 15/03/2019 07:38

Poor dd - but well done for recognising it and supporting her. I think you need to sit down and say that she’s lying because she’s scared of his reaction. Is that how he wants his daughter to feel? Kids are germ factories. I thought everyone knew that! She’ll grow out of it but the first seven or eight years are a complete germ fest!

UnspiritualHome · 15/03/2019 07:39

I assume that when he gets ill it's still not his fault? Tell him to grow the fuck up. It's awful that your poor daughter is too scared to admit to being unwell.

Lollypop701 · 15/03/2019 07:42

Explain to your dd in front of manchild that he is being very silly... don’t get arsey about it do it in a nice way, reassure her it’s no ones fault etc. Then tell dickhead To keep his mouth shut.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 15/03/2019 07:42

Shes 6!!!!!

Your poor daughter!!! This is not okay?!

Yanbu and he is not behaving like a caring or kind parent

Original poster
marching · 15/03/2019 07:47

UnspiritualHome when he's ill it's always someone else's fault!

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 15/03/2019 07:48

Well suggest he stays elsewhere until she is better.
One grumpy dc is enough for you to be dealing with...

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 15/03/2019 07:49

What a bore. Sneeze on him.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/03/2019 07:51

marching you have chosen half of the right name for yourself here. Marching Orders required if he can't grow up and act like a parent.

I cannot fathom any reason for an adult behaving like that with a child. Yes, DH will blame me and vice versa, bit neither of us would blame a child (or the dog in our case)!

That your 6 yr old DD is already managing his behaviour speaks volumes!

You are going to have to sit him down and spell it out to him, arent you Sad

AuntieCJ · 15/03/2019 07:54

What a horrible man. How are you going to protect your DD?

Fairylea · 15/03/2019 07:55

Nasty man.

Angry
needthisthread · 15/03/2019 08:00

when he's ill it's always someone else's fault!

Illness isn't a fault.

lablablab · 15/03/2019 08:03

Your poor dd. That's really nasty. He's going to fill her with guilt and shame just for being ill!! Which she can't help?! So she's going to feel ten times worse.

You need to stop this now. Tell him you won't be tolerating this behaviour from him anymore. Poor kid.

MillyMollyMandy2018 · 15/03/2019 08:04

Is it the only thing he is this particular about or is this just one of many? If it’s the only thing, then I’d say he’s obviously mega parionod about it and I’d try and ignore his many comments. Maybe have a secret eye roll with your daughter when he starts, or you two could nudge each other and make a joke of it “oh poor Daddy” etc. If it’s one of many, then that’s different and I’d be inclined to tell him very firmly it’s got to stop.

labazsisgoingmad · 15/03/2019 08:05

What a horrible man your dd is of the age when they seem to pick up every cold cough and dv bug going she has to build up her immunity system its not her fault tell him to go somewhere else then he will be germ free horrible man

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 15/03/2019 08:07

Arguably, there are plenty of things to do to reduce the chances of being ill - starting with hand washing, but it is ridiculous to blame a six-year-old!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread