Or is dp over dd illnesses?

[marching]

Every time our dd gets Ill dp moans about it. He moans because 1. She's ill and 2. He will get ill.

She does get ill a lot with colds and viruses, but I thought it's normal as she's at school and therefore catching a lot of different illnesses.

We had an argument yesterday as I was fed up of him moaning at her for coughing and 'spreading germs'. I said he should care for her when she's ill and not shout at her and blame her for being ill.

I can't stand the fact he blames her for having a cold etc.

I know it's annoying being ill every other week but surely that's expected when you have young children. Isn't it?

So just wondering who's bu?

He's really fucking selfish.

Does the work always revolve around him?

*world

Why are you together at all?. The one that is being unreasonable here is your nasty arse of a partner.

What's he like with you when you get sick, does he blame you as well. Are you on some level actually scared of him and his reactions?

Have a think about whether his selfishness and bad temper come out in any other ways. Is he inclined to bully your DD over things like not tidying her toys up, or being late? Do you find yourself hiding information for him because of how he might react?
Does he do his fair share or domestic work?

If it's just 'germs' that get him in a tizzy then he needs to work on addressing what might be health anxiety, because it's no fun to live with (for him or for the rest of you). If he always has to be the Most Important Person and everyone has to fall in with his wishes and expectations then TBH you need to either undermine him as harshly as possible so your DD isn't badly affected, or just get rid.

He's an arse of the first order.

Your poor little girl, my children are nine and eleven, but if they are ill my husband will give them cuddles, calpol and lots of sympathy. He even decamps to the spare room if they feel bad enough that they want to sleep with me! That is nothing special, that’s what a good Daddy/ Dad does for his children!

Your dp is not a good Dad! Your poor little girl, hiding how unwell she feels so he doesn’t shout at her! That’s abuse, emotional abuse and your little girl does not deserve it!

Does your little girl show any of these signs?
www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/emotional-abuse/emotional-abuse-signs-symptoms-effects/

The red flags are many just from your first post, are there any other signs that you could be in an emotionally abusive relationship? This link might be helpful, it talks about blame

www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#control-and-shame

Hope you have a go at him when he's I'll. After all, you don't want to catch it too!

What are you going to do about him?

Your poor poor little girl, this is definitely not normal behaviour. Definitely something you need to talk to your husband about and make him so how awful he is making her feel. And the stop it!

For context, I have a compromised immune system. When my kids are sick, I generally get sicker. Once, what was a head cold for my son left me hospitalised. I still cuddle them, love them, stroke their hair, and give them the comfort they need. Because that’s what parents do!

I feel that psychologically that what he is doing isn't great.

Telling someone off for something they have no control over. That is going to give her a complex about illness. Could cause her to cover up something major. If he tells her off for a cough what will people say if they know I have this pain or lump ? It could cause her low self esteem.

This is a red flag and not acceptable.

Dh can be a similar when ds is ill, always looks for something to blame, but never blames ds. If ds has a cold/cough he seems to need to say where it came from "must have caught it at the football last Tuesday" or "those trampoline centres are full of germs" etc. Ds and I 🙄 and tell him to stop being silly it could have been from anywhere and its not going to change him going to football etc.

What does your dh say when you tell him he is upsetting her or when you correct him when he says it? If it was dh i would nip it in bud whenever he says and he would take it on board (eventually after loads of reminders)

Is he paranoid about other things too?
My Cousin is exactly like this - she always looks for a reason why she is ill or has had bad luck .Its never her fault -or just being human .Its always someone to blame. her parents are like this too so maybe she cant help it .Her DH does keep telling her to calm down and shows her the right way to react is certain situations by being calm and talking her through it. She does have social anxiety which may be the root cause if it all.

I have ME and fibromyalgia, which are finally starting to be recognised as autoimmune diseases. That means I get far iller than dd when she is ill. I still look after her, stroke her hair, snuggle and sleep in the same bed with her. Ok I don’t have to go to work. But I don’t work because I’m far too ill even when going through a good patch.

Oops I forgot to say. Your dh is treating your little girl really badly. This could be serious even life threatening. Imagine if she gets meningitis or sepsis when you’re not around and she masks her symptoms.

I can understand moaning about potentially getting ill himself, no one likes getting sick! But shouting at her about I’ll is very odd. I am quite strict with my step kids when they are ill in terms of things like covering nose and mouth for coughing/sneezing, washing hands after going to the toilet or before handling food, putting used tissues in the bin, etc. But I’m certainly not angry that they got ill in the first place!

She's only six and has already learnt to lie to protect herself from an abusive man. That's really sad. Especially when it's her own dad who she should be able to trust unconditionally. You need to force this point right in his selfish face.

She's only six and has already learnt to lie to protect herself from an abusive man.

^
This

With 3 at school/nursery myself and dh are sick more often than not in winter. If one of the kids get sick, more often than not it’ll pass down the line through all of us. It’s especially hard for me as I’ve recently been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder so seem to pick up everything. I mean no one likes being sick, but it’s life. Especially when you have kids. I always think of the silver lining which is every time they pick up a bug it’s building their immune system.

What is it with these threads about husbands shouting at their babies and children?? Is this normal now. OP this is totally unacceptable and, as pp pointed out, your daughter is now learning to lie to avoid a mouthful of abuse. The psychological toll this shit takes on children is appalling. He needs to get it together or you’ll need to think about what’s best for your DD’s future. I doubt very much that this is the one and only way in which he is nasty and abusive. It’s never isolated, once the OP starts thinking about it objectively.

This is beyond unreasonable it's nasty and is actually quite dangerous as God forbid she gets something seriously wrong and is too scared to say anything.