Aibu to want to strangle my mother

[Cabinetoffthewall]

Nc as outing.

I have a good relationship with my mum and we talk every couple of days or so :-)

In the last year I have had 2 miscarriages (one that was exceptionally crappy at 14 weeks as it went on from 12 with us knowing baby wasn't developing well and eventually heart stopped).

I am now 26 weeks pregnant. Last week I noticed baby hadn't been moving as much as previously but I put it down to being earlyish days and I had been quite busy.

At my midwife appt on Friday I mentioned it and she immediately referred me to the hospital. I was quite taken aback by this as tbh I hadn't been overly worried. Anyway all was fine and baby is just a bit lazy :-p

I rang my mum and told her I'd been to the hospital and she said it was ridiculous to go in for monitoring just because baby had reduced movements. She said babies do these things and will have quite times. She also said I need to be aware that the bigger baby gets the less he will move?! I told her she is completely wrong about that last bit and that the nhs now advises you DO go in for reduced movements as it can be a sign of something wrong.

I agree with her that 9/10 it will be nothing but I said I would rather go in and be told that than miss something.

She thinks that's daft and doesn't see the point of all this learning babies movement patterns etc. She has two children (never any issues with mc etc) and kept saying how it would all be fine. She thinks I need to relax and enough this pregnancy (which I am!!!).

I am slightly anxious because of everything that has happened in the last year but I have thrown myself into this pregnancy and have enjoyed buying baby clothes, talking about baby etc.

Feel like my mum doesn't really 'get it' and completely ignores what I'm saying about current medical advice.

Anyway we haven't spoken since Friday night when I text her saying I thought she should realise I'm just trying to keep myself and baby safe and that I will continue to follow midwife guidelines not her anecdotal advice. Maybe I was a bit harsh :-/

Don’t try and educate her; it’s a task of no reward.

I get this with my mum and my DH all the time and it drives me MAD. My DS nearly died at 4 weeks old - he stopped breathing and I had to revive him myself before a long stay in hospital, and they STILL don’t get why I feel like I absolutely need to follow every single best practice guideline with him. He’s 2 now and they are both on at me about changing his car seat from rear facing - “oh he looks all squashed” etc. Really?! He spelt 9 months in utero with his knees under his chin - he doesn’t need a bloody sun lounger car seat!

I sympathise OP - my MIL was a classic minimiser and my mum was a drama queen and sensationalized everything instead. We also had two losses before having our healthy DD.

The best coping mechanism is as everyone else has said 'nod and ignore'. It will continue once your baby is born and you just need to follow your own instincts and be confident in your choices. Good luck and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Well of course its unreasonable to strangle her but I get you I'd be livid too!
I'm so sorry for your losses
You were completely right to go in for reduction in movements.
I went in for reduced movement at 40 weeks, they scanned me and it turned out my daughter had stopped growing and fluid was leaking, they didnt let me leave and induced me there and then... luckily she was born without issue but was smaller than expected
I hate to think what wouldve happened if I had ignored the reduction in movements... she may have slowly died before I actually went into labour!
You cannot be too careful. You're right it's often nothing but on the odd occasion it can be something so you should always go on if you are worried. You did exactly the right thing!!

I sympathise OP. Not the same thing, but my MIL can’t accept current health advice either (‘YOUR generation were all put to sleep on their backs and it hasn’t done YOU any harm’). It’s annoying but just ignore. After your last experience no one could blame you for being anxious but it doesn’t sound to me like you were being unduly anxious anyway!

All the best with your pregnancy.

*sorry - put to sleep on their FRONTS.

My MIL is a complete other story 😩

Seeing mum for lunch tomorrow at my step sisters so we shall see how that goes!! I plan on just not entertaining the discussion if it comes up! Step sister is a nurse so completely gets my point but also agrees with me that mum is just impossible to have a rational conversation with sometimes 😂