If you knew what birth entailed from the start

[DrVonPatak]

I'm asking this from an observer's point of view. If someone sat down with you before going into delivery and gave it straight to you about what will happen from a-z (proper 1-1 explanation, not birthing courses where half the info is geared towards saving money ) do you think this would make you more assured or would have made you run for the hills?
The thing is, I sometimes work with women after the birth and I do come across the view of having birth done to them IYSWIM, as midwives/doctors take over. I can appreciate that healthcare professionals have a vast knowledge that can't be imparted in a couple of sittings, but sometimes it does feel like being told exactly what is going to happen would maybe help women stay on the ball and be more in control of what is going on.

I think a lot of issues stem from lack of control/feeling helpless/not being listened to...I think it's almost impossible to know or predict what birth will entail.
I asked my MW at what point did I need to phone them to come round, she said when I felt I couldn't cope anymore.....I did this and she only turned up minutes before my dd was born! I appreciate a lot of women might phone at 2cm etc but I was 10cm and ready to go....the thought of giving birth alone without a medical professional was v scary.

What I wish I’d known more about was how fucking GRIM it could be afterwards. I know all about pregnancy and giving birth - I knew next to nothing about looking after a baby or how HARD it would be. I wish someone had told me that! I had no younger siblings or close cousins, no nieces or nephews, and I think I kind of expected having a baby (not giving birth, having it around in my home afterwards) would be like it is in soaps - it appears for the occasional feed and the rest of the time it’s sleeping upstairs, invisible and silent! I didn’t realise it would be like chucking a handgrenade into my life.

I had a drug free birth and it didnt burn when the baby crowned at all... I had heard it would and was frightened but I just didnt feel it at all... all I felt was a rush of adrenaline and relief and strangely no pain at all at the crowning stage!!

The transition though.... that was horrifically painful.

I really dont think theres anything anyone could tell you because it is so so different for every woman. Even the way you experience pain will be different.
I've got a friend who had a drug free birth and said she felt barely anything the entire time the lucky so and so!!

I've had shitty pregnancies with so many unexpected complications that I've totally given up the idea of ever being in control -
My preference this time around is to try for a VBAC but I will go with whatever my midwives deem least risky.

I'm lucky though that my hospital seems to be truly excellent at listening to patients and discussing their care with them. No one has questioned me or belittled my pain scoring, or tried to fob me off, they've always believed me and treated me as well as they could. I'm so glad.

Frankly I knew nothing going into my first birth, it was as my mothers had been, short and straightforward. I wish I had known more about breathing because I panicked and took pethadine and was so sick. Subsequent two births where both shorter and easier, because I knew by then to manage my breathing and chose drug free. I also stayed on my feet, no idea you could deliver upright during my first, it would gave been so much easier!

I don’t think it’s possible to do that but I do wish that there wasn’t such big hopes built around labour and birth. My births personally were fine, but I know plenty of women who have ended in sections or assisted or something hadn’t gone to plan and instead of it just being ‘something that happens’, it really affects them and they develop depression - it’s almost like they feel robbed of the experience. But it’s difficult to explain that there is no wonderful WOW experience really as far as labour and births go. There’s just best case scenario and worst case scenario and in between - they’re all pretty shit though!

I worked in a maternity ward when I was 18 and very naive. I found it horrific and frightening, seeing women in such pain, the blood and the injuries.
Yet it was inspiring and fantastic too- absolutely amazing, seeing new life come into the world.

It really helped me prepare for labour because I was not starry eyed about the physical challenges.