hiding possible pregnancy

[scared524773]

Hi. Really worried. I am 22 and boyfriend is 20. We’ve only been together for a year.

I have a bad feeling I may be pregnant. I fell pregnant on the pill 2 years ago and remember my symptoms etc very well. I had an implantation bleed and felt very sea sick before I’d even tested positive, I also just had a really strong gut feeling about it. I ended up having a termination. It has been very hard to deal with.

Anyway. I have been on the pill still, thinking it was a fluke last time, however I have had exact same symptoms this week and had a very faint positive on one of those first response ones.

I am shitting bricks quite honestly. My boyfriend isn’t the type of person who would walk out, however I am really close to my 8 month old neice and he makes comments saying I’m broody and I ‘better not get ideas’ etc so I’m really scared he thinks I’ve been skipping my pill or something. Obviously I haven’t but I had a pregnancy scare when I first got with him (was off contraception for a couple of months as I was having a lot of problems with the implant and got it removed etc and hadn’t been back on pill for long), and his first words were ‘have you really been taking your pill?’

So I’m panicking big time. I have told him to use condoms a million times but maybe it’s my fault for letting his excuses slide.

My question is, would it be wrong (if I really am pregnant) to hide it from him for a little while? E.g. until the 12 week scan? Because A) I don’t want to stress him out and make him mad if it were to end in miscarriage as I know it’s high risk until then, and B) my termination 2 years ago was something I had no intention of doing and was talked into by my ex boyfriend and I’m scared it happens again as I find it very hard to not feel guilt tripped into things (stupid I know) and if I get to 12 weeks and see a little baby with a heartbeat I know I definitely wouldn’t do it.

I’m so scared my heart is racing 😣

@FizzyGreenWater honestly you’ve just given the answer I’ve been waiting for. I just wanted someone to say it’s ok to hide it for now. And that he shouldn’t put all the contraception responsibility on me - who does that when they know their girlfriend misses their past pregnancy and wants it back?

Plus I’ve been telling him for ages that ever since the termination I have had a ptsd diagnosis and from that I also have huge anxiety about infertility. Idk. If it was me in his place I would’ve put a condom on though. It’s always about his pleasure though, sex is always about how he wants it.

@Omzlas I take it correctly most of the time but I do forget about it until past the time frame quite a lot. It is a genuine forget though but it I’m not the best with it. I had the implant for a while which suited me better but I bled every single day for the whole time I was on it.

He'll be a lot more reactive if you choose to hide the pregnancy from him for 3 months. Talk to a Family Planning Centre and consider your options first. Tell him then. It's not the end of the world, you will get through this.

Just an aside here. I thought I'd say OP that you shouldn't feel guilty or embarrassed. Some women might have an accident and forget, if this was you then mistakes happen don't be hard on yourself. If you took it perfectly then maybe the pill doesn't work for you? I read this the other day- could apply for you:

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/mar/12/genetics-may-reduce-efficacy-of-hormonal-contraception-study

Best of luck with everything :)

It sounds to me like you need a more proactive approach to taking your pill or an alternative contraception

My comment about red flags still stands. He doesn't sound like a nice person and someone I wouldn't want to be settling down with. Prepare to go it alone

I think in your specific circumstances, it's fine to keep this from him for now. Just for long enough for you to sort things out for yourself.

Pregnancy aside, you shouldn't be with this guy. He sounds like the kind of guy who will run away when he finds out that you're pregnant anyway. You'll be better off without him.

Would you be happy to carry on the pregnancy as a single person? Would you be happy to be a single mum? If yes, then you have your answer. I am a single mum - it's difficult but it's entirely possible and endlessly rewarding.

sex is about what he wantz

Well, we know what that is.

I am so sorry to hear the extent of trauma you have suffered as a result of your precious loss.

The only thing that matters here is you and the decision that's right for you. You have found out the awful cost of the harm of being forced into something like this against your will.

You do what you need to.

Maybe try a copper coil in the future and a BF that's not selfish.

“I’d push you down the stairs

“Your getting drinks next time”

🙄sorry op he sounds like a right prick!

And this is coming from someone who has a darkish sense of humour and has heard it all.
He sounds immature.
I would tell him as it is his child too, hope he grows up and maturely sits down and has a talk about options and what you both really want.

Of course it is fine to keep it to yourself. Why does he need to know right now, there is nothing for him to decide / do that is time sensitive? I have been where you are, gently talked into a termination. I regret it.

Only a generation ago 22 would have been a typical age of a first time mother - you are not that young. Only tell people who will support and help you. I am rooting for you.

Hi everyone. Took more tests today. Definitely positive as I ended up going overboard and doing a shit load of tests. I’ve went to stay at my cousins to get a bit of an excuse to have time to myself. Definitely going to keep it, I just need time to process everything I think.

I'm glad you get a bit of time away! Congratulations on your pregnancy

Congratulations OP Now look after yourself, confide in those you trust, and keep posting here if you feel it helps. Tell him if and when you feel safe and ready to. And remember to start taking folic acid pills!

Thank you 😊 I’ll defo keep posting on here!

Go girl!!! huge congratulations!

Look after yourself, the rest will follow...

he shouldn’t put all the contraception responsibility on me - who does that when they know their girlfriend misses their past pregnancy and wants it back

Sounds like you planned this.
Congratulations.

You may want to find a crisis pregnancy center in your area. Often they can help you find a provider and may even help you get essentials such as maternity clothes and baby supplies.

Congratulations! You got this!

Well this car crash was always in the making.

Your bf being an arse doesn’t absolve you of your irresponsibility. I suspect that you wanted to get pregnant and your carelessness was the means to justify that end.

Sounds like you planned this.

Have to gently agree with this, and it sounds like you never got over your termination.

Have to agree with the above, there seems a lot of immaturity here

OP your boyfriend is sounding worse and worse in every post. He sounds extremely immature and very full of himself. You can do so much better.

If this was OPs intention she's the one facing up to it, she's the one with the consequences, and was coerced into abortion prpreviously, and is scared.of.further coercion. Who can blame her.
Men do need to realise that the only way they can avoid unwanted pregnancy is to put a bloody condom on, but in the meantime I'm not going to round blaming women for conceiving as a result of their inaction.

They have ultimate.control here, but the feelz is more important.

They certainly shout liudest when it comes to taking responsibility for it though

He sounds like a prick and you should drop him.

However be honest, you wanted to be pregnant and have pretty much made sure you got pregnant. Kind of tricking him. I still think he's a prick, but please be honest, you planned this.