... to want a dog to add to the madness of family life?

[LeopardPrintKnickers]

I mean, my life is pretty damned busy. I have three active kids and a demanding business, and yet I find I'm constantly yearning for a dog. While every part of me thinks I must be mad to add another layer of complexity to my life, I also can't help but think of the positives it would bring.

The cons as I see them are: being tied to the house more (our youngest two children are still primary age so we don't do spontaneous trips away anyway), picking up poo (gag), potential smell in the house, another mouth to feed, walks in all weathers, and the cost.

However, the pros are also there: I think a dog would help simplify my life in some ways - forcing me to take a break and go for a walk (I always feel 1000 times better for getting outdoors, but never do without a reason), encouraging us as a family to get outdoors more, and I think it's great for the kids to have a dog around. I love the idea of a gentle companion for them, and for us too. While our lives are busy, we can work from home and our eldest is often at home as he's at college part-time. The security element is reassuring too.

Am I mad? What were the reasons you wanted a dog? Did you ever regret it? Am I overlooking a massive pro or con?

I’m finally dog free!!! Oh how much more relaxed life is, simpler, less smelly and I don’t need to worry about where the dogs are going when we go on holiday or worry about how much they are costing.

I have three children and I’m NEVER getting another dog as long as I have my way. I’m not living that life again.

Honestly it depends on the dog.

The first dog we rescued as a family was basically a pain in the arse. Yes we loved the doggy cuddles and she loved a good tun on the beach which I enjoyed with her but she couldn't go in a car so we couldbt go on the lively dog friendly days out we had planned, she would wake up at 4am every single day and bark until you got up with her. She had to eat special food due to allergies then needed heart medication. She needed regular grooming (a cost we hadn't factored in). Honestly after the initial upset when she died I was relieved to get my life back!

The dog we have now (also rescued) will happily lie in for hours. Happily comes with us in the car everywhere, goes to all the kids sports matches, eats anything, doesn't need grooming just a good brush now and then. Typical bomb proof mongrel. He is very easy to look after and a pleasure not a chore.

So much negativity

I adore my dog. Got her through a rescue when she was 5 years old so avoided the puppy stage. She gives me joy every single day.

I thought very hard about getting a dog - I mulled it over for about a year. I have a husband and two kids but knew all of her care would fall to me, which was fine. I work from home (otherwise I would never have considered it).

Walks in all weathers, picking up poo, hefty vet bills, she’s worth it all. Nobody in your life will ever love you like your dog does. The only possible regret I have is knowing how painful it will be to lose her.

@Wolfiefan @adaline thank you both.

It's impossible to keep things out of her reach because I have two small children. The dog steals the dummy from my 2 year olds mouth fgs 🙈

I also have 3 teenagers so it's a busy house I can't patrol 24/7 making sure the dog isn't eating stuff. I have to keep her behind the gate by the back door when the kids are playing with toys with small pieces it's just a huge headache.

Tbh I'm thinking about re homing her. I haven't got the time and my dd's aren't doing what they promised. They did when she was all small and cute but they've soon lost interest. I can't stand outside waiting for her to toilet ( I did that for the first 3 months and my dd fell off the sofa and hit her head on the corner of the coffee table) , that would mean leaving my toddler alone which isn't safe because she's a danger to herself.

Plus the dog keeps biting my two year old and I've been bitten by her and it bloody hurts. I thought by 6 months she would of got the gist but nope. Plus she's the most hyper dog I've ever seen she never just lays down and has a nap she's on the go morning noon and night!

In the past 6 weeks I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety I'm going through a really difficult time atm and the dog is not helping things .

Got her through a rescue when she was 5 years old so avoided the puppy stage.

So you missed the hardest part! The puppy stage can be so, so difficult. There's a reason a lot of young dogs end up in rescue between 6-18 months of age. By getting an older rescue you've avoided the hardest parts of dog ownership - the bitey land-shark stage, the toilet training, the nipping, the biting, the jumping, the pulling, the barking, the socialising, the crate training - it's HARD. Puppy blues are a real thing.

If you want a well-trained, calm adult dog you have two choices - rescue (not an option for lots of people) or get a puppy and go through the puppy years, the teen deafness, the lack of recall, the ignorance, the jumping...owning a young, energetic pup and raising a family isn't easy!

I've just put a deposit down on a new puppy. My dog died after 11 years and I really miss having one. No regrets here!

@flowersaremyfave you won't be able to toilet train her if you don't take her out to go to the toilet. Dogs need to be told they're doing something right as they're doing it. She won't learn if she's just sent out into the garden with nobody to tell her "good job". Either take the toddler with you or get a playpen or similar to leave her in while you're out. Unless you commit to that I'm afraid you're just going to keep on going the way you are.

The other thing - what kind of training do you do with her? I don't just mean walks, dogs need consistent daily training to be taught to be calm in the house. Mine is one and still has hyper moments - goes bonkers when we get home, jumps to greet us, nips sleeves or trousers to initiate play. But if I spend five minutes several times a day training him, he calms down a lot. We go over basic commands like sit, stay, lie down, paw, roll over, spin, and try and teach him new things too. So lately he's learnt to spin and roll over in both directions, not just one for example.

However it seems like you're very overwhelmed with everything I hope things get better. May I ask what breed she is? Maybe someone could give you some breed-specific advice?

We had this same debate a year ago and we went ahead and got the dog. It changed our lives forever. Yes, she brings extra work and responsibility. But she brings so much joy and love to our family. We often say she is the best decision we made (at least in the last couple years! lol). Everyone in the family loves her and on a daily basis I see the added joy and love. It warms my heart seeing the children love her and be so happy to have her. They never tire of her. Same with my dh. He absolutely loves her. And it is not that much work, as we are considering a third child and a second dog (in a few years). I can't recommend it enough to get a dog. However, this is only for dog people...my entire family are dog people. You can notice in the park who is a dog person or not....from even young children. Some people are drawn to dogs and some people just don't care or are terrified. It also depends if you can actually care for the dog. I do all of the work, as I am a stay at home mom...but I love it. We live on the edge of a park so I guess that makes it easier. I only see the benefits, don't care about picking up poo. Walks are exercise for me as well, gets me out for fresh air, gets me talking to others...its a social thing as well...there is a whole dog community.

Yup adaline I knew I didn’t want a puppy. I’ve toilet-trained two small creatures already, I couldn’t face a third 😄

And btw - there are loads of people out there who will tell you its impossible to have a dog, a bad idea, so much work...so much judgement out there...but don't listen to the negativity if you really want the dog...as long as you are willing and determined you can make it work. My first dog I got, but she was left home during the day when I was at school 8-3pm....and most people would say how bad that is. But she was perfectly happy to stay home...she was not an active breed...she did not want to walk more then 5-10 minutes and preferred to be inside and around the house. She was very loved by the family... and she loved playing with her toys. It makes a big difference what breed you get. Our current dog is a breed that needs some exercise, but I knew this before we got her. I am able to take her out loads. She gets to run around several times a day in a big park. She also gets walked on the leash...but also happy to stay home and sleep and lounge about (as long as she gets some exercise as well). She is also so easily trained...she learns things the first or second time you tell her and I swear, some things she already knows and I did not teach her.

Couple of realities - you don't HAVE to walk a dog every single day; as long as they can go outside to wee and poo they generally don't like going out in a howling gale anymore than you do. Also a relaxed dog, with access to the garden via a dog flap will not have a nervous breakdown if you leave it alone for several hours. I have 7.

So much negativity

No, it's honesty.

but don't listen to the negativity if you really want the dog

That is very bad advice. Listen to everything, the good and the bad, and come to an informed decision. Take on board the negative things an think about how you will work round them. Not listening to anything negative is stupid.

Picture the scene...

A vomiting bug has taken over your house

You are bleaching everything in sight and doing endless loads of washing.

Then you have to take the dog out for a walk

You're welcome.

I agree with the posters who say it’s like the decision to have a child. Just like having a child, you’d never do it if you made an objective list of pros and cons - the cons would vastly outweigh the pros! But just like with having a child, it’s important to be fully aware of the cons before heading into it. And it sounds like you are.

I don't think it's negativity - it's honesty.

Dogs can be very difficult and there's a reason lots of them end up in rescue between 6-18 months of age. The puppy and teenage years are tough and require a lot of perseverance. Ours was REALLY hard between 6-11 months. We had a lot of moments where we though "what HAVE we done?" - he's coming out the other side now but I can absolutely see why people regime, especially if they have small children and work and everything to deal with too.

We got our first dog about 7 years ago, and recently a new addition landed from a rescue. The original dog was a year old when she came, but had all kinds of complex issues that needed working through. The new one is a puppy and has been similar to having a young baby in terms of how much time he needed over the first few weeks.

Neither of them is particularly perfect; much like children they have their own personality and attitude and likes/dislikes. But there is nothing in the world like the adoration you get from a dog. I put out the bin and the puppy cries with joy when I come back inside. I walk for at least 90 minutes each day with them and take the older one out for runs. They're incredible additions to family life and add so much fun. I'd never be without a couple of dogs now.

Those saying ignore the negative are those who will be telling people to get dogs that then end up in rescues.

A dog is a huge commitment and frankly much more limiting than a child and much easier to end up resentful of than a child.

But hey ho dogs are disposable if it doesn’t work out so knock yourself out

We love having a dog for all the reasons you have said.

picking up poo (gag), potential smell in the house

Picking up poo really isn't an issue if they have a diet that works well for them - the poo doesn't have to smell bad or anything. And with household smells, research your breeds and coats, keep on top of cleaning and get your dog bathed...our house hasn't smelt of dog in the 18 months we have had one.

Although I'll always say people that say having a dog is nothing like having a child, are totally wrong.
Yes you can leave them for a few hours and can't do that with a child but when it comes to commitment, ties, etc, having a dog is like having a child. You have to consider them in everything. Training them is no walk in the park and requires dedication, commitment, and patience.

Don't do it.

Dog professional here...

It is a huge committment - its another toddler for the next 14 years in some respects.

But without the ability to take that toddler everywhere or easily find daycare, or understanding responses from others... ie..

'Im sorry we have to cancel todays BBQ because our DS is terribly poorly'... most folk get that.

'Im sorry we have to cancel todays BB because our DOG is terribly poorly '.... most folk don't get that at all.

or 'We'd love to come we will have to bring the DC's with us, is that ok'... pretty much yeah (except weddings).

'We'd love to come we will have to bring the DDog with us is that ok'... pretty much 'hell no'.

And thats for a normal well mannered dog.

Consider that many behaviour 'problems' are in fact totally normal - separation anxiety, barking at weird shit, crapping in the house, these are actually normal dog behaviours that WE don't like. Non dog owners and even some dog owners are wholly intolerant to that stuff... and that can be a real pain in the bum repeatedly being told 'oh just leave him he'll get over it' or 'oh just train him' as if that can be done over night etc.

Costs.. insurance, yes, doesn't cover everything. Training classes and behaviourists (yes i WOULD factor that in!), lots of money, around £70 to 100 for a course of training classes, between £150 to £300 for a behaviourist to visit and do a behaviour modification plan.

Food - well I feed 5 for around £150 a month but thats CHEAP.. because I get trade discounts on food and feed a raw diet. I would budget half that on commercial premium quality food for a single mid sized dog (including treats). Cut corners, get more poo, more pong and more vet bills.

Gear - leads, collars, coats, harnesses, gadgets and gizmos (doggy 'fitbit'.. £150. Pet camera to watch your pet whilst you are out, £45 to £150. Crate, £50 to £100, dog beds etc etc.

Increased heating bills because your bloody french hound wants to spend all day outside staring at the weather whilst you sit with the door open freezing your titties off... or thats just mine perhaps.

Puppies... are HORRID. There is a reason they are cute, its so you dont kill them. They bite, they upset children, they shit and piss all over if you BLINK, they need to be with you all the time like a newborn does, but no ones giving you any presents or chufty badges for producing a puppy like they might with a baby.

On the plus side, by aroun d8 months thye should be properly toilet trained unlike the human equivalent and you can prevent them reproducing surgically at 2 years old. Marvellous.

If you get the right breed from the right breeder or reputable rescue it can be a ton of fun and very rewarding.

Get it wrong, it can be a miserable and expensive experience for all concerned and ultimately its gonna be the dog that suffers the most, because it always is.

My advice if you do decide to go for it is to get a trainer/behaviourist to help you find the right breed/type for you and set you on the right path BEFORE errors occur.

I have 2 dogs & no kids. I work 4 day week, husband abit all over the place random working days as he works for himself. Dogs are hard work... in my instance my 2 are working breeds, so not the case for everyone, but demand quite alot of attention. Which is fine, as I am happy to give , but think - walking (at the least once per day, everyday), training (very important) food is not cheap (well it can be if you want but you would regret it) on top of that general care such a grooming (which is time or money if done by someone) and vet bills/insurance, monthly med cost for worming etc. If we want to go away it usually ends up us holidaying somewhere which allows dogs, as its alot to ask of someone to mind your pet/s (especially 2 in my case) and even things like attending weddings etc. can be a hassle to ensure they will be fed etc. But not to talk you out of it (just being honest) I don't regret having my two and wouldn't be without a dog now! I am much fitter now then I have ever been and the unconditional love really is something else.

Oh thank you all for taking the time to reply. The reality of a owning a dog, and doing a good job of looking after them, is just what I needed to hear. It's so easy to get swept away with thoughts of long walks in the woods, adoring dog curled up in front of the fire, playing in the garden, and even though I know the reality isn't rose-tinted, you all sharing your experiences have really helped and I'm now questioning the wisdom of it. Thank you all.

I love dogs, genuinely. But I would never have one.

My parents had a rescue German Shepherd two years before they had me. That dog regarded me as it's baby and slept by my bed. I loved him. He was 15, a really good age, when he started having problems with his legs. One day I came back from school, aged 13, and he'd gone. My parents had taken him to the vets and had him put to sleep. I never forgave them for not allowing me the chance to say goodbye.

But I digress.

My parents would never put the dog into a boarding kennels. So we never ever went on holiday. The first holiday I ever had was when I was 14 in 1987. Prior to that we'd had the occasional day out if mum's brother was able to come and take the dog for a walk.

Love bumping into dogs but the two things combined mean I will never have one.

They're lovely
Mine never poos or wees where he shouldn't. He doesn't jump on the couch or bed unless invited
His feet get wiped on a mat
He never chewed or destroyed anything.
He worships me
You can train them.

The only thing I find a pain is leaving him alone for any length of time. So I take him to my parents! They adore him too. I'm lucky to have that option obviously.