To feel I can’t post here anymore without changing my user name every time I post.

[ThePlaceToVent]

I don’t know if anyone else feels like this.

I have been posting here for a good 10 years (think I deregistered once or twice).

It has always been a good place for me to have a rant.

I have accepted you will get flamed a bit and get unnecessarily attacked.

But recently there seems to be a hobby of trawling through posters posts to “out” them, prove them wrong, attack them or, for me, which happened recently to put them in RL and humiliate them, which leads to posters constantly name changing and for me has lead to shit in RL because someone chose to out me in my RL.

Surely we are all posting here to vent in an annoymous space - so why are doing this to each other?

Surely the talk guidelines and the forum etiquette are that you leave someone be to have a vent or you let them know privately you know who they are so you can deal with it with no harm done in RL?

The attacking is increasing the name changing which decreases the trust and the long term recognisable posters.

Though anyone who thinks their story is that unique on a website with millions, could do with a ego deflate tbf.

I’ve been recognised twice under this username due to an unusual set of circumstances, a son with a very rare illness who also is a twin (not many of us around), and an injury I mentioned that’s very unusual and everyone who knows me knows about it. I only use this username for things I’m comfortable being recognised as me.

Don’t be ridiculous luckiest

Forgot to add, the poster who did it, don't even have the face to apologise for getting their facts from my other thread posts completely and utterly wrong.

Some people do post stuff they wouldn’t say in RL here because it’s not real life.

I change details etc when drilled down about the minute details.

Then you get accused of being inconsistent 🤷‍♀️

Can someone explain why it’s bad to be outed?

“I’m cheating on DH with my boss and I want to leave my marriage, AIBU?”

I can imagine this would be problematic if discovered.

Or god forbid someone is outed after posting about problematic in laws or school parents. The fallout can be very real.

And childhood sexual abuse, violent husbands, financial mess and health problems.

Outing? Sure no problem

If you think that someone is behaving unfairly on a thread, take it up on the thread, or report conduct that you think breaches talk guidelines or goes against the spirit of MN, to MNHQ

Starting a TAAT about unspecified other incidents.

At worst, it's the actions of the 'you're all bitches' troll (whose aim was, I'm sure was to chip away at MN being a place where women did not have to conform to expectations of how women should behave - either that or just someone getting off on seeing women agree that they're all horrible). Those threads generally get deleted, and I haven't seen a blatant one for a while.

But yes, if you are posting publically and globally, people can discover your posting history. The MN etiquette of how far that should be used is weaker than it was - I suspect it comes from the increase in the size of the site, and goes along with other creeping changes, such as the weakening of the sense of community by the repeated attacks on MN lingo (shared language is really important in binding communities) and demise of use of the topics.

Remember that some people domremember threads with similar stories and look to see if it's the same poster. It can be really helpful to have fuller background on a scenario, and that can be done tactfully. If something is a major misrepresentation, based in earlier posted information, what help is it to the poster to have comments based on omission?

luckiestgirl

Nothing wrong with being "outed' if you don't mind. In fact anyone that uses Facebook, Linked-In, Instagram etc. probably has their whole life online anyway especially if they are not properly locked down. I use none of these and don't really like my personal details on the internet. There have been cases where posters have been sought out on Facebook because they mentioned it in a thread

OP, I have been here for about twelve years and just regularly change my name, my details, deregister etc. The irony is, it's when people are most struggling irl and need a rant that they forget to protect the details of their lives by changing some of the info. But if you do thta, just deregister and sign up again.

*I cannot understand why people TELL you they have name changed, what is the purpose of that?

Because some users will look them up, see they have no posting history, and assume they are a troll otherwise.*

Then surely if it is that a Troll would start off saying “NC got this so it’s not outing”

When everyone understands that on the whole this forum is not a reflection of people’s real lives and mainly people’s fantasies being played out (admittedly some more fantastic than others!) we will be better off. I repeat, if you have a serious problem that can affect you then you should seek help in RL.

I name change regularly. I posted on the secrets of your trade thread and changed names just incase anyone at work sees it

Like a lot of people on here I name change regularly. I also change details, my DC switch from male to female almost weekly. The 15 YO might be 16 or 14. DSIL might become DSis or NDN as long as it doesn’t alter the context of my post. If I am gong to Paris I might post it as Rome etc etc. If anyone did an AS search on me my story would be completely chaotic. And I also maintain a fiction amongst my friends and family that I only lurk on this site but never post.

I know that my sister and daughter (or do I mean BFF and MIL?) also follow MN but as far as I know we have yet to identify one another.

*Like a lot of people on here I name change regularly. I also change details, my DC switch from male to female almost weekly. The 15 YO might be 16 or 14. DSIL might become DSis or NDN as long as it doesn’t alter the context of my post. If I am gong to Paris I might post it as Rome etc etc. If anyone did an AS search on me my story would be completely chaotic. And I also maintain a fiction amongst my friends and family that I only lurk on this site but never post.

I know that my sister and daughter (or do I mean BFF and MIL?) also follow MN but as far as I know we have yet to identify one another.*

This is my point exactly, this site is virtual reality!

I'm feeling a bit put out! No one has ever RL exposed me, advanced searched me, nothing. I don't name change.
What's wrong with Me? Am I not beautiful enough?

I know that’s a joke post Ob but I’m going to answer it seriously - that you know of.

I’ve recognised people and I have not informed them.

My opinion is that any posted here may see the light of day in another form- usually the Daily Fail.

You can't trust posts to stay on the forum.

I feel there are very aggressive posters here who seem to look for the 'dark side' in some threads and love to tear posters apart without offering advice.

Then namechange. I do often enough, and some details as well. I didn't for a while but now I wonder why I didn't do it sooner.

luckiestgirl , I'm like you, I wouldn't say anything here that I wouldn't say in RL and I'm quite prepared to be responsible for my own words and opinions. But there are things I won't share, just as there is in RL.

I think a lot of very bad behaviour happens because people feel safe if they are anonymous. I've read comments and thought that in the really real world no one could possibly find that acceptable.

I think the same standards of moral and ethical conduct should be adhered to. But as entertaining and interesting reading MN is, I don't entertain myself by being mean to other people. Some posters seem to have established their reputation by posting everywhere and being quite caustic.

I name change every few months, due to the nature of my work and my role I'd rather not be recognised here as I'd have to censor myself. There are a couple of posters I'm confident I know n real life and I can't risk them identifying me, so I change name and with each name change alter small irrelevant details, number of DCs, age, location etc

See you're now acting like the self appointed prefects of mumsnet that someone referenced up threaddemanding proof because of course if you have no experience of something happening then it never happened

Yes of course. Someone says something happens. I post 'I would like to see an example of that'and its demanding proof?

Really? Yes if someone says something happens and I dont agree, I would like to see an example. Because it was a gross exaggeration of what actually happens. Saying you would like to see an example of it. Is completely different to demanding anything.

I change my name as often as needed usually at least once a month but sometimes three times in one day.

@Frenchmontana

It's really not the odd occasion that something irrelevant takes a thread off track. There was a whole thread about the phenomenon of "Merailing" threads awhile back. Light hearted ones in particular.

Frenchmontana- I can think of at least half a dozen long term and fairly prolific posters who manage to shoehorn their own particular interest (let's say) into every single thread they post on, relevant or not

OP "I'm wondering where to go on holiday this year, anyone been to Hotel X in resort Y?"
One-Trick-Pony " well, because my neighbour is a CF and built a wall between the houses, no I haven't"

That sort of ridiculousness.

There are people living in remote tropical villages who've never had access to telly or internet who know the spesh circumstances of some self-important posters. And God help you if you are that luckless newbie who questions them.

One of the more well known has managed to completely derail a thread over the last few days to the point where it's been deleted for "not helping anyone"

There's an example I'm thinking of. Possibly what prompted this post. Perhaps op has seen it..
People out the lady in question because they're so sick of her posting for years about her horrible abusive partner. It's so obviously her and actually it's unfair that other posters are only getting the minimised version she gives. They don't understand that she's been putting her children at risk of emotional harm because she cares more about keeping her man than their welfare.
I mean it could be that you've not even read that post op but there's an example of why other posters might bring up someone's posting history.

On here I am pheobe i am from York and I am married. Only one of those facts are truthful. Ive recently gone more under cover and i feel so much better for it.