Page 3 | I can’t stand my MIL

Aibu to completely resent her and have no interest in DH family

DH and I met six years ago when he had been separated for 2 years from his ex wife. They have 3 dcs together we have 2dc together.
Everything is extremely good with our ‘blended famiky’ Dh and his ex split on a mutual decision as they ‘fell out of love’ dh sees his dcs 2 week nights and every weekend. I get along well with their mother and we help each other out a lot. The kids are all very happy my dd loves going round to her siblings house and their mum buys our dcs gifts and so on. Dh pays his maintenance, all school trips, uniforms, any extra money they need and pays towards their holidays. We often buy them clothes ect and swap Xmas yearly where I do them all Xmas eve boxes pjs and make it super special. Me and his oldest dd go on days out together and she often asks me to attend her clubs I take the kids if dh can’t for any reason and I’m listed as an emergency contact by their dm.

So after that long back ground blabber - the issue. My MIL.

She is extremely bias. When I met her she was nice as pie and we always enjoyed visiting. She’s 200 miles away. My dh has an extremely damanding job and until next week when I start a new job (first in 3 years) he has been the main earner and self employed so taking time off is always tricky for him.

I’ve notice over the years my mil is very very two faced as she is constantly slagging off dh ex which I ignore. Apparently she’s never liked her. She also goes to town on the phone most weeks about my SIL - dhs’ Brothers wife. Dh has always supported his parents and helped them financially even though we aren’t ‘rolling in it’ so to speak.
Over the years he has put himself on tones of courses and worked right up to the top of his career. He is a workaholic but for the correct reasons. His brother is the opposite and is lazy , moody, no work ethic, constant problems with his wife they argue constantly and he is always being kicked out and goes running to his mother! My dh and his dad have carried BIL his whole life abs dh is constantly giving him jobs , driving him to and from work (5 miles out of his way each trip) and has helped him with loans countless times. MIL puts him on the biggest pedestal though and doesn’t acknowledge DH one bit. We don’t exist! Although my FIL is 70 he can’t afford to retire as she spends constantly (1k a weekend) she re does her kitchen yearly and has recently kitted it all out with SMEG appliances and everything in their house is top of the range including smart tv in every room (really big house). I could go on for years. FIL is commuting 400 miles round trip weekly and is staying with us and has done for 4 years. Rent free and doesn’t contribute a penny I cook his dinner and clean up after him he’s not got much respect for our home but he is a decent fella. A million times bette than mil

Main point - they treat us completely different to dhs brother and wife. Their 2 boys (gs) are utterly spoilt, doted on, go there every weekend because SIL works all weekend so BIL goes off to his mums and she looks after his kids whilst he sleeps the entire time on the sofa binging tv and goes mental at mil because his 2yesr old has a nappy rash and she hasn’t changed him !! They loan BIL 300 every week because he only lasts a few weeks in each job and is threatened divorce ect if he doesn’t pay the bills. SIL made him sign a prenup on the house. Her gran gave her 100k deposit on it and when they up sized her mum gave her 30k and the car is also in her name (finance) their entire house was renovated when she was on maternity leave and he wasn’t working. They’re up to their eyeballs in debt hence constant marriage issues. MIL is always on the phone screaming about her and how awful she is to her perfect son (eyeroll).

BUT on social media is the complete opposite. She comments likes loves and shares every single status picture or post SIL puts up of the kids and comments how beautiful she is on every selfie she’s always writing statuses about her ‘amazing lovely DIL’ but we cease to exist

We have helped them all out numerous times. SIL family live abroad and her sister was very ill once and BIL would loose his then job if he took time off so as well as having my toddler at the time I had their 6 month old and 3 year old for 10 days and nights. (Sent with 1 outfit each abs odd shoes)
They’ve never had our dcs once.
I’ve driven mil and FIL to the airport countless times at 3/4/5am staying up all night. We took mil abroad for a week and my dh was her skave made to order all her drinks get out the pool to order her food. Walk miles to get her cigarettes. Do her shoes up , I done her hair and makeup for hours each evening on holiday. I have driven to them several occasions to house sit and dog sit their 7 dogs! So they could go on holiday as no one else would. I cleaned for them, ive cooked for them, I’ve had her husband as a third child all these years, when they had car issues I gave them my brand new very expensive lease car for 2 weeks ,went to them after offering to dog sit so she could attend her mothers funeral. Countless things I couldn’t even jsit it all. And she hates me with a passion. She completely snubs me!

My SIL pregnancies have both been announced with hour page long essays on Facebook by MIL with the scan photos and how exited she is. Birth announcements have been the same often stating how proud she is of BIL and SIL and their babies. Every year on their anniversary a long post with numerous wedding photos are shown.

Nothing of our wedding. Nothing of us. Not a mention of our dcs. Occasionally of dhs 3dcs though.
On a blue moon she may like a photo of my dd (3) but never and I mean not once acknowledged my 2nd pregnancy to my ds (7months)
She didn’t congratulate us on the pregnancy or birth. Never asked for a scan or asked how we was. Never mentions or asked about ds eventhougg FIL lives here five days a week and they’re on the phone one hour a night! She’s never once liked a photo of him but she lives on social media has businesses on there so is online all day every day liking all SIL stuff. She has now started doing the same with dh ex wife! Really ass licking her abs inviting her to stay ect as if she’s part of the family not me (she thinks this is odd and uncomfortable)

When dd was born 3 years ago she come over held her for a min tops then focused on the other gcs never got a gift nor card. Wasn’t overly bothered until a year last BIL has a new baby and we all go to his house and mil is telling me ‘ I hope you got them a card! It is so important SIL is very funny on these things it’s very special to her for her keepsakes she’s keeps everything you know!’ I had indeed got one naturally and a beautiful gift. But it was in that moment I thought well I have keepsake boxes and I keep everything most mums cherish these things how rude that she didn’t give us anything but made a song and dance about us getting SIL stuff. It was that weekend they borrowed my car. I offered. They would’ve been stranded otherwise and not having a card being in the middle of nowhere with a new baby we forgot her mother day card so we ordered her a lovely gift that was delivered to her house on time. BIL got her a card only ( thought that counts obviously) and my dh was branded as a crap son, waste of space horrible human being and all over social media whilst posting pics of BIL and his baby saying how proud she was and lucky one son is good and doesn’t forget her!! All this time they had my car 200 miles away and a nice gift for mother’s day! Most recently though we was going to go there for Xmas but they only have 3 bedrooms and dhs 3 kids were planned to go and our dd. BIL turned up unexpectedly with his 2 ds and it was chaos. No space for us to go there with baby too. FIL says never again it was so stressful but she STILL disowned dh completely now and said to his dcs that are old enough to understand - that their dads a waste of space and selfish ect. All the time BIL was letting his sons break everything, be spiteful to step kids and dd and BIL blaming Mil for his sons nappy rash! SIL hasn’t visited in 3 years and tells me she hates them and has no interest and makes excuses so just sends BIL with their kids. So at Xmas time there was 6 kids - 3 being toddlers. 7 dogs plus BIL dog so 8. And 3 adults so no room for us to go to visit with the baby as planned. Mil told 13 year old step daughter she ‘didn’t know’ our baby. Which is true but her fault really. We haven’t been this year as we were disowned and called every name under the sun and now feel uncomfortable visiting but it goes in a circle so the more we don’t go the more we are slated and feel uncomfortable to visit.

In the past if I ever cooked for mil she would out of the blue mention how SIL is the best cook and state memories- 3 times just to make sure I heard. If I do anything SIL has done it 10x better , same if we go anywhere too. We have been saving hard for a mortgage deposit ourselves but SIL abs BIL are the best because they have a nice house - only because they were given 100k for it. And SIL has the nicest house , the nicest taste, the kids are so clever if SIL was mother of mine they would be clever too ( mine are extremely advanced which is commented on regularly by any they come across) SIL dresses her kids amazinly well , the list goes on!

I’m not jealous I’ve got over most of it. I get along well with SIL and dhs ex but why why why am I treated so differently and made to feel so shit.

She recently asked my step kids if I’m nice and if they like me which they told me about because we get along great! But I don’t undetant her behaviour constantly slagging of SIL to FIL and BIL but nice as pie about her and trying to play me against her and make me jealous.

I’m the only one that’s ever reached out and gone out my way to help the lot of them! My family are in disbelief tbh and so is my dh. FIL continues to live here Scot free in the meantime but we are shit and selfish apparently.

Talk

AIBU?

I can’t stand my MIL