Reality:
Certain men have a deep and abiding contempt for women.
They act out their contempt for women in various ways.
A certain subset of such men enact their contempt for women via seduction 'cons'.
With these men, their every observation of, and interaction with, girls and women is filtered through the lens of certain misogynistic narratives:
a. That girls/women are inherently inferior, weak - born 'marks' that are and hormonally- and emotionally-driven to the point of (at best) stupidity and (at worst) sub-humanity.
And,
b. That girls/women are corruptive, impure, avaricious jezebels who are all out to 'tempt' men, empty their wallets, trap them into marriage and/or parenthood, withhold the sex to which they are 'entitled', and betray and emasculate them.
... It should not be lost on anyone that these narratives are 'conveniently' self-serving for the man in question:
- Casting women as inferior to men instead of as equals deserving of respect and dignity handily 'justifies' his predilection to view and treat women as 'resources' to be used - for an ego-boost, for free emotional and physical labour, for comfort and support, for sexual release, for padding his wallet.
- Casting women as dirty, faithless, grasping would-be-victimisers of men absolves him of, and entitles him to - in his own mind, anyway - any manipulation, exploitation, deception or abuse that he commits in order to gain those^ benefits.
OP:
I am a total stranger, admittedly - hi from Australia! - but I am positively willing you to hear me on this:
The kinds of comments that your particular scumbag made are very much the go-to insults that these sorts of men who secretly hate women throw out all the time when they're called on their behaviour.
I understand how profoundly hurtful such comments can be - and how they can get under your skin almost against your will - but please believe me when I say that what he said has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you. Nothing.
He would have said this to any other woman who had the 'temerity' (read: self-worth) to expect that he pay back a large loan - gasp! - or to otherwise expect ongoing reciprocity in a relationship with him.
You must, must see his insults for what they were - the pathetically transparent attempt of an ethically- and intellectually-bankrupt deadbeat loser to manufacture an offence that 'justifies' that which he intended to do all along, i.e. rip off a lower-income single mother.
The vulgar lashing-out of a small, hateful man who attacked (what he sees as) your womanhood, your identity in order to instill self-doubt, humble and debase you as 'punishment' for you ending his gravy train and for your crime of claiming equal personhood in your relationship with him.
I cannot emphasise this enough:
You have nothing to be ashamed of here.
You entered into an adult relationship with him in good faith. He did not.
You are someone who is healthy and functional and capable of giving and receiving love and respect; he represented himself to be the same in order to take advantage of you.
Please do not take on the burden of shame and self-doubt that so rightly belongs to him by virtue of his fundamentally - and severely - defective character.
Oh, and -
- Find out your options re. suing the tool. Small claims processea are relatively inexpensive in many countries.
- For future reference - no honourable, decent, responsible man asks someone they are dating for money in the first two years of the relationship.
I would go so far as to say that no honourable, decent, responsible man asks a lower-income single mother for money full stop.
The only exceptions would be ridiculously extreme, like, "My house burned down due to arson and I'm a labourer who just lost four fingers in a freak lawnmower accident" extreme.