Did my MIL overreact?

[EnglishRose13]

My in-laws came over today, as they do every Tuesday.

My son, who is 3 next month, grabbed a wooden knife from his play kitchen and said "I'm going to cut you, nanny!" to my MIL. My MIL fled to the kitchen in tears. I sat him down, explained that it wasn't a nice thing to say and told him to say sorry. I thought that would be the end of it but MIL was in a mood for the rest of the day and was honestly quite horrible to my son after, being snappy and telling him off a lot more than usual.

AIBU to think this was a massive overreaction and while it was a horrible thing to say (I've no idea where he got it from!), he's 2 so doesn't understand?! They're looking after him this weekend and I'm worried she will still be upset with him.

Thank fuck @LunafortJest wasn't one of the first responses otherwise I'd be freaking out. Thankfully a number of people have shared similar experiences, and I really don't think I need to worry that he's a future sociopath.

Honestly, he's usually a very nice, loving boy. He keeps asking me if I need my tablets (husband took him to the shop to pick up some cold & flu tablets for me earlier) or if I need a patch for my head (frequent migraines!). He just wants to look after me!

He's 2. Knives cut things so he just leaped from that to cutting people. It wouldn't be malicious cause he is 2!! Ridiculous overreaction. When my then 2 year old found out I was pregnant with her brother she asked how he was going to get out. I replied that the Dr would help get him out of my tummy.... her reply "he can borrow my scissors". It's been over 18 months and she is yet to try and open me up with said scissors...

Omfg Luna, you’re talking complete and utter rubbish! Seriously, don’t talk about things you don’t have any understanding of!

Jesus wept.

@Lunafortjest 😆 knives are used for cutting! So instead of saying, “I’m going to cut this bread (for example) he said “I’m going to cut you nanny!”. He probably thought that it was a funny thing to say because, as we all know, you don’t use knives to cut up nannies!

Even if there is some traumatic knife-related incident that neither you nor your DH is party to, there was no reason to be upset with a 2 year old child for the rest of the day. That’s just silly.

I wonder if she’s doing a spot of virtue signalling and pretending that her tiny grandson will soon be taking part in the current knife crime problem?

I can't believe she was in floods of tears I'm sorry but I would have laughed unless she has some issues in her past.
I'm sure your son didn't mean it in a malicious way he is only little and probably didn't mean it the way she thought. I would maybe speak to her and see if she is ok and remind her of his age. It's not like he's 16 and pointed a real knife at her!

@LunafortJest lighten up fgs its not like he walked towards her doing a stabbing motion shouting die nanny die!

my dd (also 2) will put my head ontop of her toy pan and say "mmmmm mommy pie" and then giggle because we cook play pies with her toy food and she thought she was being funny. shes not a blood cannibal

I genuinely never realised there were so many idiots in the world until I joined MN...

Way OTT reaction from MIL. (And I still stand by my upcoming surgery theory, or she's just plain bonkers)
He's just playing. Probably seen the news, and that's the top and bottom of it.
He's not a psycho, OP, he sounds delightful and very imaginative and thoughtful.

@Ninkaninus I hope that's at me!

Husband has spoken to her. I asked him to check on her as suggested. She thinks our son hates her (her words) because he favours my FIL.

My son literally loves grandad more than anyone! They're best friends. My FIL is always here because my husband has his own business from home so FIL watches the toddler, but MIL has been coming more lately to help out, so I think she's noticed more.

This isn't going to bloody help, is it?! Toddlers are fickle. One day he loves sausages, the next "I don't like sausages anymore!"

It sounds to me more like he’s associating Nanny like something like a sausage which you cut to eat, rather than having any kind of malicious intent.

Drop MIL a text, ask her if everything is ok? She may be mortified that she overreacted. Sometimes a more direct approach is better than dwelling and considering the worst.

Damnit, x posted!

@EnglishRose13 would I be right in thinking this is the first grandchild?

She is a drama queen isn't she? and now jealous of her husbands relationship with your son as well!
She needs to grow up.
Your son sounds perfectly lovely to me.

definite overreaction - advanced language for a two year old! - The tone of voice will usually be a good indicator if you felt it was an overreaction however. Was it like 'I'm going to get you' angry tone or matter of fact 'I'm going to cut you' or cheery 'Im going to cut you' - if there was no negative tone it was probably meant as "I'm going to cut FOR you nanny" which is very complex language for a two year old and they will not use complete complex sentences accurately as they are still acquiring language.

Again as others have said perhaps she has had a past trauma / anxiety or something that means she is susceptible to fear reactions in something that most people wouldn't see as a threat.

Rationally, most people would think that your little one isn't intending harm - crying and running is quite an immature reaction - as was the passive aggressive continued response.

I would speak to husband first, raising concerns about her extreme reaction and ask - without needing to know details - did something negative happen in her past to provoke that reaction? and if so, her reaction was understandable however, her continued treatment of your child was not acceptable. Then speak to your mother in law and say you were very worried about her response, asking if she is ok, and that you were upset that she was still upset with your son afterwards - when he was not old enough to fully understand what he had said. See what she says about having him over the weekend.

:)

No, but the first time they've been involved from birth. They weren't allowed to see their granddaughter until she was older. This would need a whole different thread, and thinking about it, more examples of MIL's weird behaviour.

I'm going to put it down to an off day. We all have those. If she still acts coolly towards my son, I will say something. I'm not having him punished because of her insecurities. He does love her really.

Not directed at anyone in particular, Rosie. And maybe a tiny bit harsh. But I’m just genuinely amazed that so many people don’t have the first clue about pretty simple stuff. I wonder where they get their ridiculous ideas from, that’s all.

Toddler*:

‘A fork and knife is for cutting. I have played a fun game pretending to cut food. I can make a fun game of pretending to cut nanny!

*Has no real concept of harm. Does not understand that cutting a person would hurt them.

she definitely seems like she has (diagnosable) anxiety concerning attachment / being loved. it might help to reassure her, just saying of course he loves you! etc.

@MittensWiggum

He is advanced. Some of the things he comes out with are hilarious! I've no idea where he gets it from.

He said it in a cheery voice, like it was a game. So I do think I handled it poorly but it was all just so bizarre that I had no clue what to do. I thought that if I reacted to it seriously, MIL would calm down but I think I just fed into the overreaction.

It's difficult when someone has an unexpected reaction - particularly as your response would be different. Try not to worry about it. I'm sure if you told your son to give nanny a nice big hug when you see her to help cheer her up that would help her to realise it. Some people need more physical cues to help understand that their internal negative thoughts are rarely the same as other people's thoughts and just need that extra reassurance

When DS2 was little he merged his toy tool kit with his toy doctor stuff.

We all (including any visitors) had 'field' surgery involving the removal of limbs etc.

Massive overreaction. Even if she was "triggered", he is a baby, has no idea of the adult perception of his words. She should have shaken off any initial shock and surprise.

Kids say weird stuff. They are kids.

My three year old DN said to me last week, while waving around her (very blunt) dinner knife, aunty zippy I cut you like my saudage (she gets that one a bit wrong sometimes) and then giggled maniacally I do not think she's the bride of Chucky. She just thought it was funny to compare me to her supper

Massive overreaction. My 2 year old will often say she wants to eat me. I’m fairly certain she won’t end up as a cannibal.

They also use random objects and people to be representative of other things. I’ve been a mean witch, daddy, baby, a dog and a fairy while eating a birthday cake made out of bubbles in the bath this evening. Their emerging imagination and ability to do pretend play in the most random ways are some of the joyful things about the toddler years.

Is she usually that dramatic?

If MIL is already a bit jealous of her DH being the favoured DGP then she may have taken the sentence "I'm going to cut you Nannie" as a further 'snub'. She's projecting far too advanced thoughts and emotions on to your DS and behaving in a very immature manner.

I would suggest you rise above her behaviour and help your DS to make her a card to give her at the weekend (hand prints on or something else personal) with a big I Love You Nannie written on it to try bring her round.

Why is she not allowed to see her other grandchild?