Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did my MIL overreact?

75 replies

EnglishRose13 · 12/03/2019 18:40

My in-laws came over today, as they do every Tuesday.

My son, who is 3 next month, grabbed a wooden knife from his play kitchen and said "I'm going to cut you, nanny!" to my MIL. My MIL fled to the kitchen in tears. I sat him down, explained that it wasn't a nice thing to say and told him to say sorry. I thought that would be the end of it but MIL was in a mood for the rest of the day and was honestly quite horrible to my son after, being snappy and telling him off a lot more than usual.

AIBU to think this was a massive overreaction and while it was a horrible thing to say (I've no idea where he got it from!), he's 2 so doesn't understand?! They're looking after him this weekend and I'm worried she will still be upset with him.

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 12/03/2019 19:26

My nephew has threatened us with all sorts of dismembering with his toy saw since he could speak. You will be glad to know he wouldn’t actually hurt a fly! Grin She overreacted but as previous posters have said, they may be more to it as it’s such a weird and extreme reaction.

Original poster
EnglishRose13 · 12/03/2019 19:31

I'm so glad it's not a sign I've created the next Jack The Ripper, or whatever! Thank you for the reassurance.

Maybe I didn't handle it right and I should have spoken to her straight away but I was so worried about how the hell I parent this!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 12/03/2019 19:32

She massively overrreacted but I think you did a little bit too. He has heard that you cut things with knives for eating (and it wasnt a weapon I assume but a toy kitchen knife) and has extrapolated that to a wrong conclusion. Not horribly or maliciously but logically - even if that logic is wrong

Its clear where it has come from and you need to carefully explain why you dont cut people only food. Job done

With your MIL I think you need a frank chat about how she reacted

IncrediblySadToo · 12/03/2019 19:35

She’s being utterly bloody ridiculous.

He’s TWO. It wouldn’t matter if there was some ‘background’ you don’t react like that and you don’t act like a daft idiot taking it out in a child all day.

He’s TWO. You don’t need to worry ‘where he heard it’. They’re full of stuff that makes no actual sense at that age. No matter how verbal & clever they are.

Your DH needs to have a word.

Book another babysitter this weekend. I wouldn’t leave him with her while she’s behaving this ridiculously.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/03/2019 19:35

Having past trauma is neither here nor there when your talking about a 2 year old with a wooden knife. She sounds like a proper drama queen.

Bluetrews25 · 12/03/2019 19:36

Wonder if she's just been diagnosed with something and is facing surgery and is a bit scared? The 'off' behaviour could be her worrying in her head about the future.
They might not have disclosed this to you as were trying to spare you the worry.
A normal reaction would surely have been to play at being 'cut' and make a noisy death/dying performance (I would love to dramatise / overact appallingly with a 2 year old!)
or just say, no, darling, that's not nice, and distract.

PanamaPattie · 12/03/2019 19:37

Is she normally an attention seeking drama queen? Bit harsh to take it out on your son. She's being very immature.

Peanutbutterforever · 12/03/2019 19:37

OP you've done nothing wrong, she's just a drama queen.

IncrediblySadToo · 12/03/2019 19:37

Wondering how you parent this?

You can start by not using wanky statements like that 🤣

You say ‘Oh no DS, we can’t cut Granny, it’s not nice to cut people, let’s cut some carrots’. Job done

IncrediblySadToo · 12/03/2019 19:40

Wonder if she's just been diagnosed with something and is facing surgery and is a bit scared?

FMD you need to do some creative writing 🤣

It would STILL not be, in any way, shape or form, be acceptable to treat a 2 yo like that.

Madratlady · 12/03/2019 19:41

My smallest aged 2 went through a phase of getting the saw from his toy tool set and pretending to cut my limbs off, he thought it was hilarious because he was 2, had no empathy and was making a joke by doing something silly as far as he knew because saws aren’t really for cutting bits off people.

Is your MIL usually dramatic or could there be more going on?

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 12/03/2019 19:42

It's not ok to give a child of any age the cold shoulder for an entire day. You shouldn't accept it from her another time, she behaved far worse than your two year old.

Original poster
EnglishRose13 · 12/03/2019 19:42

@Quartz2208

I think you're right. If he'd said it to me, I'd have taken it and pretended to eat him or something. Her reaction made me feel like I had to do something to put it right and I had no idea what to do!

It wasn't even a toy kitchen knife. It's a toy knife and fork knife, if that makes sense?

She can be a little OTT, in a sense that she will howl with laughter at the slightest thing she finds funny, but this is new to me.

OP posts:
LunafortJest · 12/03/2019 19:43

"grabbed a wooden knife from his play kitchen and said "I'm going to cut you, nanny!" "

I'll go against the flow on this say that hearing a child say that, would alarm me and I'd see red flags. Its a pretty specific thing to say; I'd wonder who put that idea/thought into his head. Its not something a child that age would even think, I would be very, very disturbed at who was influencing him. I would be in tears, but I would be very very disturbed that a child that age was talking that way, and I'd be very wary of him. That is just not a normal thing a child that age comes out with. It's scary. Has he accidentally seen any horror movies or tv shows? Or been around someone else that could have said something like that in front of him? Because a toddler/child that age simply does not think like that.

LunafortJest · 12/03/2019 19:44

*wouldn't be in tears

MediocrePenguin · 12/03/2019 19:46

My son when ages 3 did the same to me. Came up to me with a wooden knife from the toy kitchen and started hacking at my arm saying he wanted to cut me into pieces.

I just found it funny at the time. He's 8 now and not murdered anyone yet!! 😂

SnowyDaze · 12/03/2019 19:48

Your MIL is overreacting big time!! I wouldn’t leave your DS with her this weekend. She sounds slightly unhinged and her reaction to him is concerning

MediocrePenguin · 12/03/2019 19:48

@LunafortJest you are reading way to much into it!!

You use knives for cutting things up. He's just connected than nonsensically to a person, nothing more - he's too young to even realise what he's saying.

LaBelleSauvage · 12/03/2019 19:48

YANBU. She sounds like hard work

Etino · 12/03/2019 19:50

@LunafortJest unless you come straight back saying you have a PhD in the effects of trauma in early childhood development, I’m pretty confident saying you’re talking tosh.

Quartz2208 · 12/03/2019 19:50

@lunaforjest of course its not disturbing - he had a knife and fork that he has been taught cuts food and that is how we use it.

Either he is trying to say Nanny I will cut things for you and at not quite 3 he is saying it grammatically wrong.

Or he has just gone logically to perhaps that is what you do. Thinking it weird is adding an adult thought pattern to a 2 year old

Neither are weird for a 2 year old, not disturbing or strange. And need a simple no we dont cut people but we can show how we cut food for Nanny

kaytee87 · 12/03/2019 19:51

@LunafortJest I'm rolling my eyes so hard at your post.
Knifes cut things, it's not a huge leap for a toddler to work out that knifes can cut people too.

HeritageCarrot · 12/03/2019 19:55

Sounds OTT. If DGD (same age as your DS) had said that to me I’d have said “you can’t cut people with knives it would hurt them.” And changed the subject.

JellySlice · 12/03/2019 19:57

Why the assumption that 'cut' means hurt? Maybe he was going to make a yummy Nanny sandwich? Nothing sinister, rude or nasty about a toddler doing such a thing. Of course he knows buy now that we don't cut or eat people. He's learning to play.

Ridiculous OTT reaction from your MIL.

Seaweed42 · 12/03/2019 19:58

Your MIL sounds very precious. The lad is aged 2. A knife is for cutting. If it was a sword he'd have said 'I'm going to fight you with my sword Nanny'.
I would say your son has no clue what he did wrong. And he'd be right. He didn't do or say anything wrong.
How come he is the one that gets told off? The grown up runs off, cries and sulks the whole day, yet the 2 year old gets a telling off. Not fair.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.