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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Worried about our nanny

66 replies

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 16:30

I'm really worried about our new nanny.

She is kind, caring, and my kids like her. However she has been off sick several times in less than 8 weeks of working with us, with 1.5 days with the flu, 1.5 days with kidney stones and also leaving early to get to an emergency doctor's appointment. We also had to postpone her induction meeting before she started as she had a sickness bug.

On top of this she has also sadly lost her grandfather, so of course we gave her time off for that as we were keen to support her. Ditto when her grandmother had a few days in hospital.

More details on this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childcare_options/3500144-Nanny-absences

What this all means is that she has barely worked a complete week since she started. I want this to be a successful working relationship, I really do. But it is affecting my job as I've had to take lots of time off to cover her absences. I work for myself so I don't get paid unless I work, so I've lost income and also had to pay out for expensive emergency childcare.

I think we are going to have to talk to her about how her attendance is not acceptable. I appreciate that everyone has family emergencies and get sick sometimes, but we just cannot sustain this. DH and I are going to do a return to work meeting.

Has anyone been in a situation with a nanny who was off sick a lot but managed to improve their attendance? If so, I'd love to hear how you did it.

Like I say, I am keen to support and help her but I cannot do my job properly if her attendance follows the current pattern. I want to work with her to turn things around though if we can.

OP posts:

bugeyedbarber · 12/03/2019 19:28

Suggestion here for the future. I don't know where you live and how plentiful the nanny supply is where you are but in the nanny share I'm in - we have two nannies. One does 2 days, the other 3 days - PT suits them both for various reasons. Both fantastic. In last 18 months we never had a day without childcare covered and there were illnesses and emergencies for both nannies. As they get on, they often work out cover themselves and inform the families.

I too work in a senior role and would find this level of disruption untenable.

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 19:37

@bugeyedbear that is a really great idea! So do they do fixed days or just sort between them?

OP posts:

dairymilkmonster · 12/03/2019 20:09

Well it was rather generic, but things like encouraging her to tell us when things were tough and I reduced her jobs that day/week (eg not preparing dinner or changing beds which objectively i could do but dont want too) so she coukd have downtime whilst ds2 was napping. Said she could use worktime for attending the gp - which she seems to do v frequently - not a big deal to take a toddler with you. Bent over backwards to giver her her requested leave dates and occasional extra days.
The past year i think she has only had 2 days off - she has been with us for 3 yrs now and the first 6mo was horrific. Then another bad patch a year after that.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 12/03/2019 20:46

From another perspective I returned to work from maternity leave this year and have already had 3 days off - I day emergency holiday ad baby was sick and couldn't go to nursery, one migraine where I was in so much pain I was going to be sick if I didn't lie down, and one with a cold. It was 'just a cold' but my throat was so painful I literally couldn't sleep and I had a temperature of 39, and an awful headache, shivers etc. I tried to get up and ended up fainting. It floored me for 4 days - I was in bed the whole time and lost 3lb. I haven't had a cold that bad in years! Before maternity leave I don't think I had a day off in over a year. It doesn't mean my attitude to work or my general health has changed since going back to work, just bad luck

nos123 · 12/03/2019 20:53

I don’t think you can have a talk about someone’s sickness episodes unless you suspect they are lying or didn’t really need the time off. What was she supposed to do if she was genuinely quite ill the last 8 weeks? As for her grandad, you could ask her to stop her relatives from dying from now on? She is a human being not just some nanny-bot.

bugeyedbarber · 12/03/2019 20:57

@satsumagirl they work fixed days in principle but flex them with each other as necessary. If you can make it work, it is a fantastic idea. Both are very experienced nannies but part time just works for them. Holidays are covered, sickness is covered. Everything works.

I know the idea may put off some people who look for a consistent career for their children. But honestly, they are both amazing and each brings something different to the mix.

It works really well and I almost can't imagine it any other way.

Just make sure you pay them the same

bugeyedbarber · 12/03/2019 21:00

*carer not career obviously

Fiveredbricks · 12/03/2019 21:03

Sounds like she's pregnant to me... 🤷 Or she was but she dealt with it.

GenericHamster · 12/03/2019 21:34

People who are off sick a lot don't tend to change. My old boss had a nanny who was sick constantly and she was forever working from home with a baby because she had no way of getting emergency cover. Luckily we were in an industry that could tolerate this. And I didn't mind because it meant when my kids were ill/had assembly that my boss was happy for me to take the time as needed. But she must've found it super stressful.

BlimeyCalmDown · 12/03/2019 22:00

^ This

Total of 3 days off sick isn't much, at this time of year. Giving her time off as Grandmother was in hospital was unnecessary and your choice. Grandfather dying - well seriously, what else was she meant to do!? You should have split the days between your partner and yourself. Time will tell of course but anyone can have a run of bad luck. Have a heart.

Original poster

satsumagirl · 13/03/2019 07:29

@dairymilkmonster thanks, that is really helpful guidance.

OP posts:

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 13/03/2019 07:35

Honestly, I'd let her go.

Ultimately, This.

However the Bradford score and expectations chat is fair/not a bad idea in the interim.

Whatever you do though, do not let this get past probation - ie extend probation to 6 months

SometimesMaybe · 13/03/2019 08:03

This doesn’t help your nanny sickness problem but one reason we use an agency is that they can often provide cover nannies at short notice and for holidays etc. We have the same “cover” nanny most of the time so they know us and the agency deals with all the organising. Takes away an element of stress. Might be worth speaking to an agency to see if you can get something in place.

coffeeismyspinach · 13/03/2019 09:23

I agree with Five and Generic. Thing you're really setting yourself up to be mugged off even more by keeping her on, discussions, chats and wanting to hear her side. Her side is that she's not worked a full week at all in the less than 8 weeks since she started. It's effecting your job. You'd have to be a real doormat to keep her on.

Original poster

satsumagirl · 13/03/2019 10:07

@coffeeismyspinach you are right. I am so worried about this. We're going to be tough with her about this and I have already started speaking to agencies. I have a couple of people lined up who I would be interested to interview already. I can't go on like this as it's bad for my job and health. DH works away a lot so can't help much.

OP posts:

coffeeismyspinach · 13/03/2019 13:22

We're going to be tough with her about this and I have already started speaking to agencies.

You're not being tough on her if you're keeping her on. She gets past her probationary period and you will find it very hard to get rid of her. I'd treat it as a fait accompli, find someone else and then let her go. Your clients would not hesitate to sack you off if you behaved this way early into the contract because you are hired to do a particular job and if you cannot, then you're let go.

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