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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Worried about our nanny

66 replies

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 16:30

I'm really worried about our new nanny.

She is kind, caring, and my kids like her. However she has been off sick several times in less than 8 weeks of working with us, with 1.5 days with the flu, 1.5 days with kidney stones and also leaving early to get to an emergency doctor's appointment. We also had to postpone her induction meeting before she started as she had a sickness bug.

On top of this she has also sadly lost her grandfather, so of course we gave her time off for that as we were keen to support her. Ditto when her grandmother had a few days in hospital.

More details on this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childcare_options/3500144-Nanny-absences

What this all means is that she has barely worked a complete week since she started. I want this to be a successful working relationship, I really do. But it is affecting my job as I've had to take lots of time off to cover her absences. I work for myself so I don't get paid unless I work, so I've lost income and also had to pay out for expensive emergency childcare.

I think we are going to have to talk to her about how her attendance is not acceptable. I appreciate that everyone has family emergencies and get sick sometimes, but we just cannot sustain this. DH and I are going to do a return to work meeting.

Has anyone been in a situation with a nanny who was off sick a lot but managed to improve their attendance? If so, I'd love to hear how you did it.

Like I say, I am keen to support and help her but I cannot do my job properly if her attendance follows the current pattern. I want to work with her to turn things around though if we can.

OP posts:

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 17:38

@piebaldhamster Agreed. DH was just saying that HR would be involved.

OP posts:

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 17:39

@jennymalone That is really good advice, thanks.

We are going to do return to work meeting and talk all this through. At same time I'm also going to start talking to agencies to see what the alternatives might be.

OP posts:

PiebaldHamster · 12/03/2019 17:39

Not really sure how my mental health issues might be clouding my judgement?!

They're not. This person is pisstaking. You have a JOB to do. I'd have already let her go, no chats or return to work meetings. 'This arrangement is not working for us, unfortunately, so we need to let you go and secure alternative sources of childcare. Best of luck.' Anyone with a brain cell knows you can't skip out of work at the beginning, especially in a job like that.

LondonBelongsToMe · 12/03/2019 17:41

you know what, her references may be immaculate - maybe she's not keen on the job and is looking to line something else up without handing in her notice first? What is her notice period with you? it's possible that the remarkably short kidney stones and so on were interviews and preparation (would be so much easier in domestic setting jobs if people on both sides were absolutely up front as it is so massively disruptive)

JustBloodyCold · 12/03/2019 17:41

I've had five days off in the last 4 years, and that includes having and recovering from two operations.

I think you need to warn her that she has a month to prove to you that this arrangement is going to work longer term.

PiebaldHamster · 12/03/2019 17:42

Less than 8 weeks in employment and already having a 'return to work' meeting? Catch yourselves on there, that's ridiculous.

kaytee87 · 12/03/2019 17:44

Wow she's taking the piss.
Does she have a probationary period? I'd be tempted to get rid.

She did not have the flu if she only had 1.5 days off. Could she be doing emergency /temp nannying for cash on the side?

jennymalone · 12/03/2019 17:45

Springwalk I completely disagree with your advice.

Handling this informally (asking her how she's doing because of the illnesses/etc) could open the OP up to all sorts of stuff like the nanny interpreting her as prying for medical details, overstepping boundaries, unless done very well (i.e. "manager is concerned for employee and impact on the business" - good, "manager is nosing for details and not respecting privacy" is all too easy to fall into).

I also don't think "hoping" she'll buck up and realise her obligation to an employer is a good management tactic either. This is the nanny's workplace, and part of the reason why the nanny may be pushing boundaries is because it needs to be handled professionally... not like it's a friend.

Nickname1234567 · 12/03/2019 17:46

Its a difficult one, but like others have said, these things do happen and maybe everything did seem to come all at once, it has happened to me in the past in previous jobs, and believe me i knew how bad it seemed to my employer but my absence did have truly genuine reasons, and this may be your nannys case, that she genuinely did need the time off due to the reasons stated and it will probably improve from here on out, but i would definitely have a talk with her about how important her attendance is and that it will need to improve for you to be able to keep on employing her. If she continues to leave early or keeps going off sick then, then you need to let her know that she is not fullfilling her role as a nanny and look into hiring a different nanny, as much as it will be another big adjustment to your childrens lives, you cannot keep taking time off work. Good luck!

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 17:46

@piebaldhamster Yep absolutely! I just want to see what she has to say for herself though.

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PinkiOcelot · 12/03/2019 17:47

I think I’d be letting her go.

PiebaldHamster · 12/03/2019 17:48

You work for yourself. Do you think your clients would have 'informal chats' and that sort of malarkey if you took so much time off at the beginning of a contract? I think not. They'd let you go. She doesn't have a good work ethic. It's not working for you. Move on.

LuckyLou7 · 12/03/2019 17:48

Is she on a probationary period? In any other job, that amount of sickness in such a short time would raise red flags and HR would be involved. She certainly wouldn't pass her probation. She's not fulfilling her contract with you. Talk to an agency, get another nanny lined up and sack this one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2019 17:50

You say she had good references. Did you talk to her referees? This could be a bad patch and hopefully she will get back on track. I think it’s also a good idea to put feelers out in case things don’t improve over the next couple of weeks.

Just to give you a comparison. Dh worked for a company for 20 years. He had an op and took a couple of weeks for that and only 2 more days off when really ill one time.

He changed companies and has had a new job for a few months. He agreed 2 days off for things he’d booked in advance plus leaving early one day - taking dd to the dentist as I was too ill. As well as these days he’s had to take an additional 2 days because I was hospitalised - emergency op. He took one day off after being in hospital til the middle of the night (dd didn’t go to school) and the next one was because dd had a seizure. Normally I would have looked after. He also has to ensure he leaves bang on time some days to pick dd up until I can drive again. He also needs to take me to an appointment in a couple of weeks so that’s another half day not planned for.

From the outside looking in dh might be looking a bit flaky. But he’s in a difficult position with a chronically ill disabled wife and a dd with a medical condition.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2019 17:52

Oops posted too soon. I am not trying to defend the nanny btw with my post. If it’s not working, then sure, find someone else. Life shouldn’t be this stressful.

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 18:10

Thanks for your advice everyone. All very helpful and great to hear different takes on this issue.

I'm really keen to give her the opportunity to share her side of the story, and to respond to us re-stating our expectations. So I will do that when she is back from work and take it from there.

Thanks again for all your ideas and support.

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Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 18:11

Back to work I meant!

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PiebaldHamster · 12/03/2019 18:21

So she's still off? She's mugging you off.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 12/03/2019 18:31

I think her reasons sound suspect. Do you know for a fact that the bereavement happened? A grandparent dying is a bit of a 'classic excuse'. (I wouldn't be saying that if the 1.5 days for 'flu' and 'kedney stones' didn't sound dstinctly odd. And why the half days?)

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 12/03/2019 18:32

Why isn't your husband taking time off work?

Audreyhelp · 12/03/2019 18:39

I am a nanny and have had about two days of in twenty years . Always go in with colds etc as you can sort of blag it make it clear it will be a tv type of day and not great nanny . As a mother if you have small children you can hardly take to your bed for the day.

Even though a bereavement is different .

Sounds like your nanny is making your life stressful and would look out for another.

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 18:49

A question to those of you who have nannies: what is the best way to avoid this happening?

I spoke to referees on the phone asking about illness and attendance, we've got a contract that clearly states SSP too. Is there anything else we could have done to anticipate that someone is likely to go off sick a lot, even if their attendance record from other employers is good?

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RainbowWaffles · 12/03/2019 18:54

I remember your last thread. At that point, it could have just been bad luck. With these developments it does just sound like she is taking the p. I would look to replace her now. There tend to be two types of people- those who regularly take time off work and those who don’t. She is falling into the former category.

NameChange607 · 12/03/2019 18:55

If she's genuinely ill you can't stop it happening and neither can she! Everyone seems to be thinking she must be lying to take off 1.5 days- but maybe she's struggling in or going home too sick to work? Are those at weekends (So actually nasty viruses).
This is the time of year for bugs so it's perfectly possible to stack up all the illness you have in the year over Winter.

Original poster

satsumagirl · 12/03/2019 18:56

@rainbowWaffles hello! Nice to see you again.

I agree, I'm getting really worried about this. Will see what she says and I've just emailed a couple of nanny agencies to put feelers out.

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