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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s weird that work haven’t congratulated me on new baby?!

61 replies

Zzzxxxx · 11/03/2019 22:52

I work in a close knit team, we all get on very well (I wouldn’t say they were friends though). Before I went on maternity leave, everyone was very kind etc and wished me well.
My manager is based in Australia (rest of the team is in the Uk). I contacted my manager to let her know about the baby and she sent a lovely email back. I have heard nothing from anyone else! I’m sure she would have told them. I can’t contact them myself as I don’t have my work laptop until I do some KIT days in june.
I’m not losing sleep over this but Aibu to think it’s a bit off to have not heard anything from anyone else?!

OP posts:
Nickpan · 12/03/2019 00:03

maybe your close-knit and my close-knit mean different things! Give them a ring!

NCforthis2019 · 12/03/2019 00:04

Confused is this a done thing now? Christ OP - just enjoy your baby, why do you need a card from colleagues congratulating you - and why do you have so much time to worry about this when you have a newborn?!

TBDO · 12/03/2019 00:11

Surely you can work out the email address of someone in the team and ask them to let everyone know.

TBDO · 12/03/2019 00:12

People in the team are probably wondering why you haven’t bothered sending some newborn pics and letting them know!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/03/2019 00:15

YABU. You’ve only had a baby; millions of women do it every day. While it may be a huge change for your life, nobody else cares.

Tryingtogetitright · 12/03/2019 00:29

Congratulations on your baby!

This sort of happened to me... my parcel including card was somehow lost in the post. Perhaps they're thinking it's odd you haven't been in touch to say thank you? I had a very awkward conversation with my manager and it eventually came to light that they'd sent something but it never reached me. Think he thought I was a bit rude not acknowledging the gift. It hadn't arrived - I didn't know it existed!! I sent a thank you card once it was all made clear. Never did get the present though!

Maybe you could send a photo to your workmates in the UK, sure they'd like to see one and that will start the ball rolling!

Purpleartichoke · 12/03/2019 00:38

I got emails to my work address with congratulations from coworkers. No one sent a physical card.

BlueSkiesLies · 12/03/2019 00:59

Close knit team but you ‘can’t remember’ their company emails addresses?

They will be the same format as yours... but with their names instead of yours.

Original poster
Zzzxxxx · 12/03/2019 01:05

The email addresses have the first initial of the middle name hence why I can’t remember exact addresses

OP posts:
Zfactorstar · 12/03/2019 01:20

This is your first isn't it?

pinkboa · 12/03/2019 01:28

Wow.
Get over yourself ... people have their lives to live as work to do.

And I say that as a mother of two.

If you want them to know send a card to the office.... then draw a line and move on.

CustardCreamLover · 12/03/2019 04:12

I've just had a baby as well (congratulations!) And haven't received a card from work..however I have received numerous emails and messages! And we are close knit! I don't think you are being unreasonable but I really wouldn't lose any sleep over it. You'll be doing that enough with a new born!

GnomeDePlume · 12/03/2019 04:42

If your manager hasn't told anyone, as PP said, your news to share, and you haven't messaged your colleagues then they are possibly worried to contact you in case there have been complications.

In my office it is customary to wait until told.

Boom45 · 12/03/2019 04:53

If you can't remember 1 email address from a bunch of people you must email daily (even with the middle initial thing that's just 1 letter) then how are they supposed to know where to send a card or flowers or whatever? I clearly have no out of work contact with any of them so it not suprising they're not contacting you out if work really.
When i had my babies the people i was friends with (so knew my phone number etc) got in touch after the baby was born but not anyone else. I think a HR organised card might have sent me over the edge if I'm honest.

Gone4Good · 12/03/2019 05:01

Why didn't you send them a birth announcement?

I'd be so busy enjoying my new baby I would even notice what other people were doing - or not doing.

Gone4Good · 12/03/2019 05:03

*not. I would NOT even notice..

EenyMeenyMo · 12/03/2019 05:07

Send some photos to your manager (presuming you haven't already) and ask her to circulate them to the team copying you in on your home email - then you know everyone's email address/they know yours/you know they know about the baby

Frecklesonmyarm · 12/03/2019 05:43

It odd that you point out that they arent friends. Maybe that's the issue.

When I had ds, I send a collective text that included my manager and the work colleagues I counted as friends. They contacted me.

But it's very likely colleagues who you dont count as friends wont contact you on mat leave. Some people hate that and in one place I worked we had a huge complaint from a woman in mat leave that people were texting her. They were doing this as they considered her a friend and were just trying to stay in contact with her. We saw the texts no work on them. Just asking after her and the baby.

Also every place I have worked at, there no card on the birth of the baby. That's something we would do for mat leave, unless the person went off unexpectedly.

You cant have it all ways though. You cant say these people arent friends, have no contact with them outside work but expect them to do stuff people would do for friends

Margot33 · 12/03/2019 06:00

I only got messages of congrats through fb, if we were friends.

Deadbydaylight · 12/03/2019 06:09

How are they meant to congratulate you given you only seem to share work email addresses for contact details and you don't have a laptop to check email? Do you think they are going to spend time working out where you live? Your boss can't give out your details because of gdpr.

You're being a bit unrealistic. If you had wanted attention from everyone, you should have given them a way to contact you. But gonna guess this is post pregnancy hormones still and you will eventually realise how silly you are being. Go and spend time with your baby and let your work colleagues congratulate you when you go back.

Mmmmbrekkie · 12/03/2019 06:10

“Close knit team”

And yet you don’t have any contact details for them whatsoever. No email, no mobile numbers, not FB friends

OP give yourself a shake. You’re being daft. This is not a close knit team.

Lllot5 · 12/03/2019 11:34

Perhaps your manager hasn’t told them maybe she thought you would. Give the one you’re closest to a text let them know it’s only been couple of weeks.

Splodgetastic · 12/03/2019 11:42

Sometimes when people have gone off sick towards the end people can worry that all is not okay, so until someone tells them that you are okay and were safely delivered of your baby they may not want to bother you.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 12/03/2019 11:43

You say you considered them friends but you don't have a way of contacting them without your work laptop? They are colleagues. I was out on secondment with a team I didn't know very well when I had DS unexpectedly early, I exited nothing. I got a lot of texts a group card and a lovely very generous John Lewis gift voucher and an announcement in the national newsletter 🙈. You might need to reconsider your perception of these relationships.

OfficeSlave · 12/03/2019 11:58

Its not your managers business/news to share. They obviously value your privacy, i think its a good thing! Its your news to share if you want to.

Even with colleagues i really like, i'm not sat on tenterhooks waiting to hear about when their baby is born, I'm happy for them, but i don't feel anything, nor feel obliged to send cards or gifts. they are still a colleague, not family or friend. You can't be that close if you have no other way of contacting them.

Harsh as it may sound, people also get sick to death of handing out money to endless collections whilst sat trying to earn money! Grin

What do you really need a card or present for? What value does it really bring to your life? You have a beautiful new baby, don't even think about it, enjoy your new baby and forget it. Its YOUR special time in life, not your colleagues. Enjoy being off and away from work! ❤️