To think you can't swear at your boss

[glasshalf]

Nc for this so it's not outing but I'm a regular on here .
As the title says Aibu to think it's not ok to shout and swear at your boss and it should be a disciplinary?? Never been in the situation before as never worked in an office environment which is why I'm asking .

No, neither would I but I do have a colleague who has sworn at a manager and a disciplinary would have been completely inappropriate. There would be circumstances where someone could swear but their overall tone could be threatening which is worse but I don't think swearing in itself is an issue.

Aggressively swearing at anyone in the office is not ok. It’s intimidating and you would be pulled up on this in my workplace.
There might be mitigated factors if it was done through shock and fear and the person panicked but not just because someone couldn’t keep their temper.

It may not always be a disciplinary, it really depends on the situation and how the manager chooses to deal with it. Generally you could probably make a case for a disciplinary.
I don’t think someone shouting and swearing at your boss where everyone else can hear is the norm tbh.

I'm not a new manager I'm just an employee too but would never ever lose my shit with a colleague let alone my boss

Your jobs must have been less stressful than some of mine, everyone and i mean everyone in one particularly demanding job lost their shit at one point or another with a colleague. It usually blew over and the antagonist apologised.

I've also had some bosses that were so useless or so unpleasant that even Motger Theresa would be moved to call them a creeping rat cunt.

I think anyone who shouted and swore at their boss should expect a disciplinary.

Your jobs must have been less stressful than some of mine, everyone and i mean everyone in one particularly demanding job lost their shit at one point or another with a colleague.

No they haven't. I'm an executive in a high stakes, high pressure career and I can honestly say that my worst outburst so far has been "I need you to stop talking back at me now, it's not negotiable. I need 5" (followed by me storming out and bumming a fag off our resident smoker - yes, I smoke when about to lose my shit).

The worst thing someone has said to me in genuine anger at the same firm has been "please shut up".

I have seen one occasion of a colleague (actually someone I managed) yelling "fuck you, you dumb cunt" at a client. I suspended him on the spot and he was fired for gross misconduct.

So, no, losing your shit is not the norm just because the job is stressful. It's a sign of people not coping or of a toxic workplace culture.

@FunkyKingston my job is actually really stressful and really long days and I do find some days really hard but I never direct it at people I always keep my cool and act appropriately hence why I'm asking if it's accepted in other people's places of work. I feel really stressed tonight having witnessed and being at the brunt of someone else's tantrum today so wanted to see how other people experience office life.
Thanks for all the responses :)

Your jobs must have been less stressful than some of mine, everyone and i mean everyone in one particularly demanding job lost their shit at one point or another with a colleague.
No you just have a toxic work culture.
I work at a senior level in the public sector juggling lots of high stakes projects and if stressed and angry I would take a 5 minute walk to clear my head but I would never lose my shit with a colleague and if I did I would expect to get hauled over the coals for it.

No they haven't. I'm an executive in a high stakes, high pressure

I cam assure you that someone fucking up in a previous very sweary job had far greater consequences than missed sales targets or whatever. The circumstances that led to me completely losing my shit with someone was because they 'forgot' to tell me someone was a drug dealer who routinely carried knives.

funkykingston
That probably comes under the exception criteria I posted up thread
There might be mitigated factors if it was done through shock and fear. I imagine having a knife pulled on you is pretty shocking to say the least.

I imagine having a knife pulled on you is pretty shocking to say the least.

Yes i was petrified and furious and in no state of mind for 'i think we need to talk about this'.

Your jobs must have been less stressful than some of mine, everyone and i mean everyone in one particularly demanding job lost their shit at one point or another with a colleague. It usually blew over and the antagonist apologised.

FunkyKingston Nope. I work in an environment that can get very stressful. Never once has anyone shouted, sworn or even had a go at anyone else, whether they’re a manager or not.

If you work in a place where people “lose their shit”, you have a negative work culture.

I swore at my boss by accident - not bad swears but he crept up behind me and gave me a jump when I was crawling under my desk and I whacked my head - I assumed it was my colleague who was having a laugh so I told him to bugger off. I may had called him a sod. He found it amusing - probably because I hit my head.

In my defence... we were in the sweary basement and the boss never came down to see the plebs.

Some offices people swear every other word, but swearing at people can and has resulted in disciplinary action.

Massive difference between 'the f-ing printer is f-ed up again' and 'you're an f-ing f-er'

Your jobs must have been less stressful than some of mine, everyone and i mean everyone in one particularly demanding job lost their shit at one point or another with a colleague. It usually blew over and the antagonist apologised

Most people would consider my job stressful I guess, but I have never worked anywhere that’s at all like you describe.

No I don't think it's ever acceptable to shout and swear at your colleagues, and especially not management. I don't think it's the fault of the person who didn't tell you about the person being a knife carrier that they pulled a knife on you - it is the fault of the person that pulled a knife on you.

I think swearing at, or even around, people at work is completely inappropriate, and I love swearing. I work in a college.
My DP is a chef and that seems to be a very sweaty environment.

Not sweaty, sweary! Although I imagine it gets quite sweaty too with all that cooking going on!

I don't think chefs should swear at each other either.

Your jobs must have been less stressful than some of mine, everyone and i mean everyone in one particularly demanding job lost their shit at one point or another with a colleague. It usually blew over and the antagonist apologised.

I work in a high pressure environment but we don’t swear at each other like that. Occasionally someone might be a bit snappy, but they will remove themselves from the situation and calm down. We are a team after all. I know everyone has their limits but adults should be able to restrain themselves in working environments, you don’t see a&e staff losing their shit for example and their jobs are incredibly high stress.

you don’t see a&e staff losing their shit for example and their jobs are incredibly high stress

THIS

It is possible to be stressed without losing your shit

Definitely a disciplinary. But if you start by apologising and explaining what pushed you to that point a decent manager might allow you to keep your job. Losing it momentarily under pressure and then apologising is differently to losing it and continuing to make your temper everyone else's problem.

Definitely a disciplinary. But if you start by apologising and explaining what pushed you to that point a decent manager might allow you to keep your job. Losing it momentarily under pressure and then apologising is differently to losing it and continuing to make your temper everyone else's problem.

I don't think it's the fault of the person who didn't tell you about the person being a knife carrier that they pulled a knife on you - it is the fault of the person that pulled a knife on you.

I do.

Their laziness and oversight meant that proper procedures weren't followed for engaging with a high risk client because the additional form filling was too much effort and they saw this client as 'their mate' and their judgement that they were 'sound' overode the proper recording practices. I was newish in post at the time and i subsequently discovered that this colleague had a long history of not respecting professional boundaries and saw themself as a 'rescuer' for whom paperwork was a waste of time. Their actions directly put me at very serious risk and given and in the aftermath of that i defy anyone to think 'ahh i will have a calm and rational discussion about wgst happened' after thibking 'fuck I'm going to get stabbed to death' and that person telling you they didn't think it was relevant information.

My boss is very sweary in conversation so as time has gone on I've let myself swear openly to her but in the sense of "oh ffs, what a dick" or "Well this is a shitstorm". It would never be acceptable to her to fuck off, even in jest, or swear aggressively and use swear words as an insult.

yelling "fuck you, you dumb cunt" at a client

Can’t imagine anyone thinking they could get away with shouting that at a client!