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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to adopt my neighbour's cat

65 replies

Twixes · 11/03/2019 15:46

My neighbours got a beautiful kitten last summer who has been left outside all day while they go to work. It's incredibly friendly and has been trying to make friends with everyone on our road, including me who's kind of fallen for it. It miaows and miaows outside my house and it's sometimes soooo cold that I have been letting it in to sleep on my sofa, or on my lap.

I was talking to the owner recently saying how cute it was and she was saying they now have a house for it outside. Anyone else think it's a bit mean for a cat to sleep outside? She knows I let it into my house, but I'm not sure if they let it in to theirs at all. In fact, they went away for the weekend and the poor thing was outside the whole time, he pretty much sat outside my door for the weekend, poor pet.

I'd happily continue this cat-visiting arrangement during the day, but I recently learnt that he hasn't been neutered, what if he sprayed all over my house?! yuck! I'm thinking my options are to either:

a) ask her can I adopt him and then get him neutered, hoping he hasn't learnt the habit of spraying
b) just get over it, never let him back in again and just get my own cat ... but what if unneutered neighbour cat took offence to this and tried to get at my own cat(s) and subsequently sprayed all over my house?
c) just get over the spraying thing and get on with my life

but no, I love this cat and he clearly doesn't like being an outdoor cat! help...

OP posts:
Thekitten · 11/03/2019 20:17

Do you know how old the kitten is OP? If he was a kitten last summer and unneutered, I'm willing to bet he's ready to make babies and may well have done already. He'll probably start wandering too if he hasn't already...

Original poster
Twixes · 11/03/2019 20:38

I'd say he's about 9/10 months TheKitten, I agree he'll disappear if he's not neutered. It's kitten season now!

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 11/03/2019 20:53

There is nothing in your OP that suggests this is a lighthearted thread.

I don’t know why you think keeping a male cat mostly indoors is any less cruel than keeping him mostly outside.

But I’m glad you’re not going to be inviting him in any more.

Original poster
Twixes · 11/03/2019 21:00

I don’t know why you think keeping a male cat mostly indoors is any less cruel than keeping him mostly outside.

Because he sits outside my house all the time wanting to come in, that's what tells me he doesn't want to be out. He clearly doesn't want to be outdoors. I hope you don't own any pets, you have a cruel heart.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twixes · 11/03/2019 21:01

And going away for the weekend and leaving a cat outside is not 'mostly outside' that's outside all the time.

OP posts:
Crunchycrunchycrunchy · 11/03/2019 21:09

*Because he sits outside my house all the time wanting to come in, that's what tells me he doesn't want to be out. He clearly doesn't want to be outdoors.

If you have fed him in the past, he will be mote inclined to sit at your door and meow. My MILs cat did this with 2 families who both thought they had 'adopted' him. Little did they know he was just after 3 dinners. They then started locking him in the house at night thinking it was the right thing to do and everyone started worrying about him until we figured out where he was.
IMO it is unfair to do this with somebody else's cat. I wouldn't worry about spraying in your house because it isn't your cat so shouldn't be your concern.

If you are worried nobody fed it when they went away, then ask them if anyone did or not.

BlackCatSleeping · 11/03/2019 21:16

My cat is also a six-dinner Sid. He’s constantly running around various neighbors houses looking for food, which is a pain as he ended up with bladder stones last year. Everyone feels so sorry for him, which is crazy as he’s really very well looked after.

I get that you’ve fallen in love with your neighbors cat but you need to leave it alone and get your own cat.

adaline · 11/03/2019 21:21

Because he sits outside my house all the time wanting to come in, that's what tells me he doesn't want to be out.

He does that because he wants you to feed him and he knows you've fed him before so he's trying his luck. Our neighbours cat does a great impression of being hard-done by - sits on our windowsill yowling, and has in the past got in and eaten my cats' food. He's not starving or homeless or neglected - he's just a chancer!

FamilyOfAliens · 11/03/2019 22:37

I hope you don't own any pets, you have a cruel heart.

Ffs - have a word with yourself.

Pixel99 · 11/03/2019 22:41

Have you tried reading the "Cat who came in from the cold" by Deric Longden?

Original poster
Twixes · 12/03/2019 07:40

FamilyOfAliens okayyyy...Confused

Pixel99 aw, that sounds like a lovely book. I'll give it a read.

OP posts:
itsbritneybiatches · 12/03/2019 08:15

You could ask them but what if they just get another cat and then leave that cat outside too?

happyasasandboy · 12/03/2019 08:30

Because he sits outside my house all the time wanting to come in, that's what tells me he doesn't want to be out. He clearly doesn't want to be outdoors.

Cat behaviour can be totally bizarre. Asking to come in to your house doesn't mean he isn't well cared for at home or that he doesn't like being outside; it means he wants to come in to your house at that moment.

My cat appears totally neglected to my neighbours. He has free access in/out of the house through the back door but spends significant time yowling at my front door, even in the rain. We don't let him in through the front door for a specific reason, so to our neighbours it looks like we come/go and shut him out. But he obviously can come in through the back whenever. He also begs neighbours for food despite having a full bowl at home, and drinks from muddy puddles in the street rather than drinking from his water bowl. I provide completely adequate care for my cat, but my neighbours must think he's a poor starving locked out neglected cat.

MsHopey · 12/03/2019 08:54

My cat was terrible for getting the neighbour's to feed him!
He was an indoor cat but would sneak out occasionally, one day there was a house alarm going off for hours, the neighbour 4 doors down comes to us hours later and says our cat had set it off 😮
Apparently he used to climb up her fence, onto the conservatory and into their bedroom windows, she came home several times to him asleep on her bed or looking for food in their kitchen.
I said it was very odd, he has food, water and a spot in front of the fire with us, turns out she'd been feeding him KFC every time she saw him 🤨
Makes me laugh now, but I am pretty sure cats will always eat, especially if chicken or other luxuries are on offer.

alwaysthepessimist · 12/03/2019 12:07

@pixel99 - his books were so so funny! I had forgotten about him, I might get them for DD to read, she would probably love them

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 12/03/2019 12:13

Cats roam.
Cats visit many houses
Cats are outdoor animals
Some cats live ouside all the time

You are feeding this cat
You are encouraging it into your house
You are stealing someone elses pet.

DoneLikeAKipper · 12/03/2019 12:20

cats choose their owners

No they don’t, I wish this pile of shit wouldn’t be peddled on MN as an excuse to steal someone’s pet Hmm.

If the cat looks underfed, then you wouldn’t be unreasonable to leave food out for it, otherwise leave it alone. If you are under the impression it’s abused, report it to the authorities.

All cats are different though. I know someone with a few, a couple never leave the house other than to toilet, others aren’t seen unless they want food or weather is horrendous. The outdoor cats have been know to play up to to the neighbours, but always come home. Quite honestly, I’d spend more time with me neighbours too if they fed me extra food every day.

Pinkbells · 12/03/2019 16:53

Its pretty irresponsible of her not to neuter him, and very unfair to leave him outside with no company all day! Can't she get a cat flap and one of those feeders that works on a timer?

Or is a real version of Six Dinner Sid...?

VeganCow · 12/03/2019 18:29

Get him neutered yourself, he'll be fine by the time they're home from work, none the wiser

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 12/03/2019 23:47

My cat will happily spend all day long just sitting in our neighbour’s garden, although we bring her in while we’re at work and she never stays out all night. She is the most loved, pampered puss - currently snoozing next to me on a heated throw - but must look like she wants to move in next door. She knows where her bread’s buttered, though, the wee madam.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 12/03/2019 23:58

Loads of people have outside cats. Confused. Why on earth do you think the animal would be happier inside all day while they’re at work? Why do you think it would be better in a category while they are on holiday than fed by a neighbour and kept in its own territory? It’s a cat not a pseudo child. The best life is roaming its own patch. Stop letting it in and making your home part of its territory if you don’t want it spraying. You may not like entire Tom cats but it isn’t your pet.

Lovingbenidorm · 13/03/2019 00:10

This is so sad!
Cats CHOOSE when they want to be inside or outside
They CHOOSE who adopts them
When, oh when will people realise that they HONOUR us with their love, affection and time?!

Pixel99 · 13/03/2019 00:36

Twixes - it is so funny. You will love it. Although be warned one cat might just turn into more.....Wink
Alwaysthepessimist - I had tears rolling down my face it was so funny.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/03/2019 07:11

Personally I think it's mean not to provide a cat flap, and I can't help wondering why they don't. Of course he's going to go elsewhere, where it's nice and warm, even if he doesn't get fed. In a former workplace of mine, a local cat (not a stray) very often spent over half the day curled up somewhere warm. We never fed her, but she still came, since she was shut out all day while owners were at work.

Our cat (well fed, neutered, had a cat flap, mostly indoors in a nice warm house) ) was a regular visitor to neighbours, particularly next door, who was always giving him choice leftovers from her dinner parties.

I dare say people thought he was hungry, since he'd perfected his 'orphan kitten mew' - pathetic little squeak with one paw raised. He was a big portly boy, but it still worked!

We also found out only after it had been going on for years, that he'd been visiting next door early every morning for a saucer of milk!

I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that he didn't move in next door permanently.

,

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 13/03/2019 07:45

Why is a cat flap better than shelter in the garden? I feel far more concerned about cats kept in all the time. To me that’s just horrid.