MIL is full of shit

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In the last few days I have heard...

1. Calling a man “gay” (for not liking sport) is not homophobic.

1. You shouldn’t eat dry crackers when you feel nauseous because it will dehydrate you.

1. Wearing clothes to cover a burn (such as a glove if you have burnt you hand) means it won’t hurt if you put your hand in water to wash up or have a bath.

This is all shit isn’t it?

HoustonBess is spot on. I've never understood why people think you suddenly become entitled to respect on your 18th birthday and automatically keep it indefinitely thereafter, whether or not you have earned it.

My dc don't see any dgps.
They are thriving!!

@AllInADay
Oh dear. It sounds as if mother-in-laws are coming in for a bit of a bashing.

Nope, just the bigoted ones who are stupid enough to think that “breast milk is too fatty for babies so feed them formula instead”. If you’re not a bigot or stupid, then you should be feeling just fine. :)

Mil said recently that only gay men get HIV/AIDS. I said everyone includibg heterosexuals can get it and she said ‘ach no it’s something only gay men get!’

AllinADay. MIL bashing does tend to be something of a sport on MN.

However, having said that I suspect that the bigoted MIL were ignorant and bigoted when they were younger and it's got absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they are MIL or older.

I'm sure that in years to come, if MN is still going, there will be similar threads started by the DIL of the generation that is posting on here now about their MIL.

There are ignorant bigots, and people who refuse to move with the times in all generations unfortunately, but it's probably not until they are older and have someone like a DIL posting on a forum like MN that anyone really talks about it, and given that the relationship between MIL and DIL can often be a tricky one there are always plenty of DIL pleased to take the opportunity to do so.

Thanks for your support Spiritinabody

Gosh I'm taken back by how many in here would sever all ties with a grandparent over what appear to be quite small differences. Yes I know that homophobia is unacceptable these days but whether we like it or not there are still many older people that think differently so shouldn't you younger people calmly disagree and hopefully challenge their point of view rather than break off all contact?

As for a grandparents rights, I agree they don't have any but don't children have a right to a relationship with their close relatives whenever possible? Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.

Children will eventually be exposed to all sorts of differing views unless you ban them from ever coming into contact with a Brexiteer, a Daily Mail reader, anyone from a different social Class, religion or culture. Then as they grow up they will develop their own opinions and will start to challenge and disagree with their parents. Would you then want them to then cut all contact with you?

She's a twat.

The cream cracker thing she might have a kinda point on, though. If you eat a dry cracker, it's going to absorb liquid in your GIT and whenever whatever is left of it passes out as poo, it's not bone dry, poo has water content. Therefore eating a dry cracker is going to absorb some of the water in your gut that could be absorbed by your body instead. However it can't take water out of your body and dehydrate you, it can only prevent some of the water you have eaten/drunk from hydrating you. Easily made not a thing by having a few extra sips of water.

really I have no idea why I focused on that instead of the homophobic awfulness except that other people have covered that

Are we related Purple? Similar haircut happening! LOL!

Some people have lovely MILS and they are very lucky.. and yes we will all be MILS one day.
Unfortunately the only way I can cope with mine is to use her behaviour towards me as an example of how not to treat people.. I focus on trying not to let her get to me. and so I do enjoy an occasional chuckle at threads like these.

Yes I know that homophobia is unacceptable these days...

It was always unacceptable.

don't children have a right to a relationship with their close relatives whenever possible? Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.

She calls her grandchildren and son in law gay.

Thingybob, your true colours are showing.

LeesPostersAreInFrames She was trying to ban me from eating a cracker (morning sickness).

Next time, take some laxative in your handbag and when she comes out with something like that, hand it over to her.

I no longer see MIL.
I am comfortable with that decision. My OH is upset about it, but I'm upset that my OH has a mother who is the way she is, so we've put that to one side.

He sees her frequently but I no longer feel like I have to. I just don't get on with her and I'm not going to continuously put myself in an uncomfortable position having to see her. I've seen her briefly at social things and exchanged greetings and that's it. I am a lot happier. 2+ years now.

Oh and FWIW, I totally side with you over the cream cracker. Eat whatever you fancy

On a side note, though, when I was pregnant the best thing for my nausea was regular sips of water and keeping my stomach cool.

But dry crackers don't dehydrate.

I came on here for a moan but this thread had changed my life! I am no longer seeing MIL and neither are my DC. DH has been informed and accepted it. I will not put up with her ignorance and nastiness any longer or expose my children to it.

Views like Thingybob’s and MIl’s are harmful. Calling someone gay is not a “small difference”. Ridiculing disabled people is not a small difference either. (One is SIL’s children always giggles when she sees someone in a mobility scooter because MIl told her they wet themselves and had to wear nappies.)

My children are not being brought up with this woman to behave like that.

Fantastic

Yes, they are going to come across bigots and pillock in life. Whereupon you'll either correct them or not see them again or both.
You can't sustain a GP relationship where you call them out on their hideous bigotry every time you see them. Good for you, OP.

Thingybob
Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.

Um. It kinda does, because it means they're bigoted, and I wouldn't expose my children to that. You're obviously free to think/feel what you want (though homophobia is wrong wrong wrong) , but you're absolutely not free to impose that on me or my children. As my in laws have been told.

Absolutely full of it ! I agree

I think that parents have a much bigger influence on children than grandparents.

Both my mil and father had stupid attitudes but also had good points.

When we left respective homes, dh, dc and i would discuss things we disagreed with that had been said. We explained that it was old thinking and not acceptable now but changing old minds was difficult. We love people no matter their faults if they are family...and not dangerous.

A niece laughing at a coarse and ignorant remark would have been stopped by me bc i feel strongly that there but for the Grace of God, etc. Everyone is afflicted in some way. A wheelchair bound person could certainly have better manners than those relatives.

Calling my dc names wouldn't have been acceptable.

Regarding the rest, hands/burns, crackers. Ignore her.

Grandparents are important and most mothers of ds reading this will be a mil someday. You really need to teach your dc how you want to be treated by them when they marry. NC isn't my choice.

I completely support your decision OP but I am wondering about whether people excuse things more of their own parents than they would of their in laws. It's just illogical to think that women with sons are more bigoted/annoying/controlling than women with daughters. And yet you rarely hear on here of women cutting off their own family for bigotry or just being annoying (abuse, yes). So are women allowing their children to be exposed to things from their own parents that they wouldn't put up with from in-laws?

Just to confirm I would have no intention of behaving like this mother in law with my own dils btw!

YABU

Why not teach your children that sometimes grownups say things that are wrong. They will come into contact with adults who spout a load of shit and they will need to learn how to respond to that.