Asthma, Cat and MIL

[xmasbamechange]

Fuck off Daily Mail
Ok so just looking for abit of advise please.
I have had asthma my entire life and now don’t even realise I have it on a day to day basis, the only time I really need to take my inhalers anymore is when I come into contact with one of my allergies or if I have a cough. I have been with DP for 12years and him and everyone I know is aware I have a serious allergy to cats... Last year his mum decided to buy a kitten, now I’m not angry at this in the slightest, she has every right to buy one but it has now made it very difficult to visit her. She lives around 90mins away and we only ever visited maybe 4 times a year, we see her normally every 2 weeks when she comes to us for dinner or lunch. Ever since she bought the cat last May we haven’t gone to her home, we had just had a baby and I was breastfeeding and I couldn’t risk getting ill and needing to go into hospital and put on a nebuliser which has happened to me in the past. Now though if im being honest I just don’t want to, it’s not her, I really do like her but having to do a 3 hour round trip to then spend the rest of my Sunday sitting at home wheezing all night and probably not getting any sleep really doesn’t seem fair to me, especially as she can come to us. DP I think agrees with me because he hasn’t said any different, we barely see each other all week as he works very long hours and I think we both feel like why should we split up on a Sunday so he can go there with or without the children when she can easily drive to us. My reason for coming on here now and asking opinions is bevauS she’s now constantly trying to make up reasons for us going to her and it’s making me feel really uncomfortable because she knows why we haven’t gone, surely she thought about the repercussions of buying an animal I was so allergic to? AIBU?

[bloodywhitecat]

My daughter is like you OP, she cannot be near cats (or Christmas trees) so no-one in the family has cats (or trees), no amount of medication helps her be less allergic and her attacks have become more and more serious to the point they are now often life threatening. Tell MIL because I bet she is just as hurt by NOT knowing the truth as she might be from hearing how it is, then take things from there.

[reluctantbrit]

Do explain it to her. Could you send your DH and child on their own once in a while?

I think the drive is long with a small child just to meet for lunch so letting them go alone may be easier. Or make day trips, going to zoos, attractions etc together.

I have a cat allergy, no asthma though, and my best friend just got kittens. I am not sure how I will deal with her annual birthday and NYE parties but she knows what I have and already made arrangements to shut them away and cleaned the room when I popped over for 1 hour. Family should be understanding.

[maddening]

My mil has also done this - got a dog - dh takes ds in school hols for the odd day when I am working, mil doesn't drive and has no intention of learning. When I go we have to meet at a restaurant, but she is only an hour away so it isn't so bad. She loses out ultimately as I am more likely to take ds over than dh and she could come over and stay without a dog (which she can't leave for more than a few hours), her choice.

[maddening]

Ps she didn't get a dog until ds was a little older (6) so diff issue to you as your dc is so small - ds was bf till he was 3 so if I couldn't have gone it would have been much more awkward

[BarbarianMum]

The OP does not have to stuff herself full of antihistamines, "try it for a bit" or suggest MiL does x/y/z to reduce symptoms, she can just say "no". MiL will have to lump it.

There's also the baby to think of allergic parents have a higher than normal instance of allergic children.

[Damntheman]

Holy crap lady no! I say this as a dedicated cat owner, you do NOT have to go to her house! This is your health, not a personal preference. If she got a cat then she must come to you (and presumably change her clothes right before she leaves if your allergy is this bad).

I got cats while very aware that this would mean I would always have to be the one that visited my close friend afterwards. He's so allergic he can't even come into my house, so I change my clothes right before I leave the house and I always visit him. That is the cost of me having my pets. So be it! Your MIL needs to grow the fuck up and stop being a bitch.