To think I'm not a "young Mum"?

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

Pregnant with DC1 at 22, had her at 23

Pregnant with DC2 at 23 and had her at 24.

Aibu to think this isn't young to have kids? It's definitely the average age to start a family where I grew up.

Keep getting referred to as a "young Mum" out and about, at toddler groups etc and it feels a tad patronising.

[username4858]

I wouldn't describe you as a young mum but I do believe the average age to have your first child is now around 30. I think that's because there is a lot of women now waiting till their late 30s.

[username4858]

Posted too soon. I have two peer groups one I went to school with many of them had children around your age or younger. Then my friends from Uni we are now in our 30s and many are just starting to have children.

[ColeHawlins]

I see why it annoys you, but I often see forty-somethings referred to as "young mums" recently. That seems ludicrous to me but maybe it's reassuring that people seem to mean the stage of parenthood.

[Pinkbells]

Of all the mum friends I have, none were under 30 when they had their children, but my sister was 23. It didn't seem young to me particularly at the time as I was much younger than her. Now I do think 23/24 is young, yes.

[ZippyBungleandGeorge]

Depends on your social circle and were you live. My friend were all new graduates at that age and living in the South east it takes longer for children to be financially viable, childcare is expensive and it takes longer to own property etc. Mums around here tend to be thirty plus. My DM had me at twenty three and that was the norm, but that was back when it was easier to live comfortably on one income, by s house for £20k , educational opportunities weren't really available to women especially working class women so most were out working at fifteen or sixteen, different times. I'd say 22 is quite young these days to be in a position to have children

[JazzerMcJazzer]

One of my NCT friends told me one day when our sons were about 6 months old that she had a “big birthday” coming up. I was a bit taken aback when I realised that it was only her thirtieth as nobody else of the 8 in our class (all having first children) was under 35.

In my early twenties I was still at University, didn’t even want a long-term relationship, and the idea of having a baby would have been as weird as being asked to go to the moon. I remember being really shocked when i heard that a Uni friend was married and pregnant 2 years after we graduated. My parents would have been horrified too if I had come home saying I wanted to settle down and have kids in my early twenties. Strange actually as they were married at 23/24, but society moved on a lot between our generations. I think that easy and free access to University in the 80s and 90s changed things a lot in terms of life stages

[icarriedaturnip]

I was 19 when I had my first and hated it when I was called a young mum, as much a I was, it felt like they were judging me and I’d much rather just be caller ‘a mum’. 3 more babies later and I couldn’t give a toss what anyone else thinks, we’re all mums at the end of the day no matter our age. Don’t take offence to it, people are just stating the obvious

[PregnantSea]

It's all relative. Where I grew up it was quite normal to have kids by the time you were 18. Then I moved away and made new friends, a lot of whom I still know now. They are mostly DINKys who have no experience with children and they all think I'm a young mum - I'm almost 30 lol.

[Piddly2]

Of course it's young. You've barely had time to have any fun yourself without taking on the responsibility.

[Moominfan]

Op I think it depends on where you live. We're in Nw and I was referred to as a an older parent at 30 I assumed that's when most people start

[Bellasorellaa]

op are you a time traveller from the 1970's?

a young mum is anyone under 30 in 2019

welcome to the future were people live until 100

[GoldenHour]

@Piddly2 it's comments like that that turn "young mum" into an insult. Unnecessary.

[Bobcatcornea]

I'm 27 and most of my friends haven't had babies yet. In fact the only ones who have had them at 16/17/18. Sorry but I'd definitely class you as a young Mum but not in a bad way. Is it really an issue unless somebody is saying it in a nasty or derogatory sense? I suppose it's better than being classed as a geriatric mother isn't it? Pretty sure that's what I'll be if / when we get around to it.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Probably by todays standards but It's not really an offensive thing to say though is it? (I was a similar age having mine btw)

[Piddly2]

It's not an insult though just a point of view.

[AhhhHereItGoes]

I was 22 when fell pregnant with DD1 and 23 when she was born.

25 when was pregnant with DD2, 26 when she when she was born.

I think it's one of those things that depends on how the people around you are, likewise with what you define as old.

I'd say under 21 is fairly young. 21-35 average and 36+ older mother of a first time Mum.

[Singlenotsingle]

Yes that's young. But you'll still be young and full of beans when the dc are off hand

[Triskaidekaphilia]

I'm nearly 29 and expecting my first and it feels so late to me because I expected to start my family around 24-25 and be done by 30. At the same time I wouldn't think it was unusual or bad for someone to have their first at 40, so like PP said it's all relative. From my perspective I would think of a young mum as anyone under 20 because they'd be a teen when they got pregnant, but no judgement about that- some 20 year olds I know are more mature than a lot of 30 year olds I know!

[GoldenHour]

@Piddly2 an uninvited point of view. The op has said she doesn't see herself as a young mum, you have commented not on her age but on your perceived drawback on being a young mum. Nobody asked for opinions, it does come across as insulting whether you mean it to be or not.

[Piddly2]

I agreed she was young and backed up with a reason. What was the purpose to the op otherwise?

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

I wonder if I'd get a different answer on Netmums 🤭

[FuckertyBoo]

Yes, I think you probably would op! Try it and report back! Go, go, go .

[CountFosco]

Definitely young because you had your child well below the average age to have a first child.

Can I just point out though to those saying it's the best time biologically, it's not always a case of younger is better. Teenage Mums have more complications during pregnancy than those in their 20s and 30s. And there's quite a few studies showing we don't fully mature mentally until 25. As can be shown by the high percentage of relationships that break down when people are young.

Although I wonder, would it be acceptable to keep referring to a woman who had her children at 35+ as an "old Mum"

When I had DD1 at 37 I was regularly called a young mum. While obviously it would be lovely to imagine that was due to me looking much younger than I was I think it's because a lot of people use the phrase 'young mum' to mean a mother of young children.

[CountFosco]

Oh, and I wasn't classed as a geriatric mother until I had DS in my 40s.

[Magicroundabout321]

It's a great age to have kids! :-)

But yes, like others have said, a lot of people are already 30+, so it would seem young to them.