To think I'm not a "young Mum"?

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

Pregnant with DC1 at 22, had her at 23

Pregnant with DC2 at 23 and had her at 24.

Aibu to think this isn't young to have kids? It's definitely the average age to start a family where I grew up.

Keep getting referred to as a "young Mum" out and about, at toddler groups etc and it feels a tad patronising.

[SurgeHopper]

Yeah man you're a young mum

[SurgeHopper]

Don't do that, they'll beat you up

[MaryShelley1818]

Yes, I’d definitely view you as a young parent.
I’m 40 with a 1yr old and I’m viewed as an older (geriatric) parent.
It doesn’t bother me at all, it’s factually correct.

I only have 2 friends who had children young, the vast majority of my friends were still studying or just starting their careers at that age.
I’d personally have liked to have started my family 5yrs earlier but it just wasn’t to be.

[Purpletigers]

It’s young . Enjoy it ! It’s the best time to have children , biological speaking . I had mine at 33 and 37 . Number three didn’t appear after a couple of years of ttc and so we stopped trying when I reached 40 .
If I had my time again I’d start much earlier . Although I’m not sure what I could have changed, didn’t meet husband until 26 and married at 31. I would have gotten married earlier , he wouldn’t have .

[babysharkah]

Its all relative, it's young around here. I was 39 and classed as a 'geriatric mother' but the youngest in my antenatal group.

[LadyRochfordsSpangledGusset]

Having a child at your age is fine OP, as at any age? but there are a lot of people that have a lot of invested middle-English barely concealed class snobbery in these threads I.e. oh no one in my social circle darling Of course nor darling, no one I know not mentioning abortions...

Glady had my two in my twenties, mid way through my degree but the two didn't compare in the slightest and I'd do it again.

[zinrepus]

My mum had 4 children within 8 years, starting at 30. Her family had kind of given up on her having kids, because her sister had 4 out before 26.

I'm 30 now and am in the final stages of TTC "prep". While I wouldn't change to have had my kids in my early 20s, there's part of me that would have preferred starting a bit earlier. But I wouldn't swap the life I have, you know?

The only issue is when people get hyper focused on a "goal" of their own. I have a pal whose mum had 2 by 27, and when she turned 30 and was still single, she had a bit of breakdown because she always wanted to be a young mum.

I don't call people young or old mums in day to day life, though. They're just mums. To each their own, you know?

[thesockgap]

It depends on the circles you move in I guess. I had my first at 26 and third at almost 33, yet I was about the 3rd-youngest mum in DC1's class, and definitely slap bang in the middle (agewise) of the mums in DC3's class.
Lots of the others had their first baby at upwards of age 35, and couldn't believe I already had an older teenager while being younger than them!
In the specific area where I live, most new mums I see look to be late 20s to 30s. It's very unusual to see a teenage mum or even one in early 20s. Yet definitely the reverse is true in other areas of my city.
So personally yes, I would think of you as a young mum OP, but that's just in comparison to what I see and know in my own area and social circle. It's all relative!

[blueskiesovertheforest]

AlwaysFuckingTired94 sadly in our culture "young" and "old" are value laden terms, like "slim" and "fat".

95% of people think "she's young and slim" is a compliment and "she's old and fat" is an insult.

As you perfectly well know.

As I say though I've only heard "young mum" used in person by someone who explained they meant "mum of young children". If you feel judged for being young you're probably imagining it, given you're not a teenager (not that anyone should be judged, but there are policy targets to reduce teen pregnancy because it's statistically linked to poverty and educational opportunity).

Nobody cares whether you're youger than average or older than average if you're over 21 and under 45 except perhaps your own mother...

[EdtheBear]

I'd say that your a young mum.

But I'm sad who'd describe a teenage mum as a really young mum, early 20's young, later 20s & early 30s non descript. Late 30s+ old / really old!

Me i was nondescipt and old!

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

Blueskies that's not the way it's been intended when said. There are also lots of negative connotations attached to the phrase young Mum. It's not as simple as young =good & old =bad

[blueskiesovertheforest]

AlwaysFuckingTired94 who is calling you a young mum and why do you think they mean it as a negative comment?

In your 20s it seems highly unlikely anyone worth listening to means "young mum" as an insult. If it's a random stranger either they'd find something to be nasty about no matter what, or you're inferring something which isn't intentionally implied.

I was called a young mum when I had my second at 32. When I self depreciatingly laughed and said that I'm not really young the pediatrician I was talking to said every mum with a newborn and a 2 year old is a young mum...

[flumpybear]

Local average I guess has a lot to do with it, my town there are mainly older mums, well into 30's but it's expensive here and most people need two professionals to pay the mortgage so naturally stRt later due to being in education and early career before having children

Lived in a different town at uni, where lots of cheaper housing, HA and council homes, tons of very young mums there, probably teenagers

[Vulpine]

A woman in her mid thirties is not old. A woman in her mid 20s is young. Not sure why you are taking offense at being called young?! What does it matter. I loved being a young mum.

[echt]

Welcome to MN, AlwaysFuckingTired94

You've given zip evidence of other parents being patronising. How do you know the intentions of the speakers? Tell us what they say.

You are younger than the average nationally, so yes, young.

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

echt ta for the standard passive aggressive welcome that suggests I'm a newbie who's signed up to be goady - very original of you.

I've given "zip" examples as my OP wasnt asking for opinions on the comments I've received, it was asking whether I was even considered a young Mum to begin with. HTH

I guess I'm wrong and I am young then. Question answered. Thanks!

[x2boys]

It's all relative and based on circumstances, at 22 I had just qualified as a nurse and was very much single most of my friends were just starting career,s etc and most people I knew didn't even consider having children until I their late 20,s early 30,s as I have got older I have friends who had children younger ,I had my children at 33 and 36, but I was mainly single throughout my 20,s not always by choice and didn't meet dh until I was 31 .

[Nautiloid]

I had my first at 28 and was the youngest by some years at baby groups etc.

[Megan2018]

Definitely considered young here!
Average age in my circles is mid 30's and I am pg with first DC at 40 and not considered especially old.

It's hardly an insult though is it? Try having geriatric on your notes - now that is annoying!

[FuckertyBoo]

Where did you grow up? I thought average for the uk was mid thirties or something.

I know a mum who had children younger than that. Nobody knew or commented expect her... she went on about it a lot; “well, as I’m a YOUNG MUM”, “seeing as I’m the YOUNG ONE” blah blah. I eventually had to ask her how old she was, as I genuinely thought she was around the same age as everyone else (I had my first at 31). I tend to see mums of children my dcs’ ages as ‘the same’ as me, and I don’t really notice their actual age.

It’s only when I’m not sure if someone is a gran or a mum that i notice age.

So you’ve had a strange experience there.

[whifflesqueak]

Had my children at exactly the same age as you op.

Young mum fist bump 👊

I was young for my area/demographic I suppose. Even my HV said it. But since motherhood knocks most mothers sideways, regardless of age, nothing has ever really been said about it.

[FuckertyBoo]

Oh no, average age is 28.something! Still though. 23 seems a good bit below average.

Fwiw, I was mid range when I had mine; my nct mums group were 29 x 2, 31 (me), 34, 35, 39 and 40 when we each had our babies.

[FuckertyBoo]

since motherhood knocks most mothers sideways, regardless of age, nothing has ever really been said about it.

So true! It makes idiots of us all! My acquaintance who has an oxbridge phd and had a really senior civil service job has just had her first at the age of 32. She’s just as confused and tired as everyone else is with their first, I think.

My doctor friend once commented that she has seen high flying ceos totally floored by motherhood and 16 year old schools girls who just “get it” straight away. There’s no rhyme or reason. That’s why I usually think of mums as mums and don’t really notice their age.

[lilabet2]

The average age to have a first child in the UK is 30 (well 29.5 exactly according to google!) so you are young but it isn't a bad thing.

I'm sure it feels worse to be labelled a 'geriatric mother' at 35+ than to be referred to as a young mum in your 20s!

[NinnieNouse]

I was 27, seems avaerage here. In my waterbabies group we are all first time mums and by a weird coincidence 4 of us were in the same year at the same school.