To think I'm not a "young Mum"?

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

Pregnant with DC1 at 22, had her at 23

Pregnant with DC2 at 23 and had her at 24.

Aibu to think this isn't young to have kids? It's definitely the average age to start a family where I grew up.

Keep getting referred to as a "young Mum" out and about, at toddler groups etc and it feels a tad patronising.

[Windingstreams]

My ‘youngest’ friend to have a baby was 29, average age was about 34, I was 37 and many were older. In my NCT one woman was 29 and rear over 34. So to me you’d be a young mum.

At 22 I’d only just managed to move from out of the Student Union and definitely was parent ready!!!

[Whenwillitstop1]

I really wouldn't worry about it. For some odd reason it's considered normal now to wait until late 30s or even 40s to have kids. Just start calling any of the ones over 35, that call you a young mum old mums 😂

[Sparklybanana]

22 is barely past your teen years. Of course that’s young. Once you hit your 30s and 40s you’ll remember getting annoyed at this and laugh at yourself.
It’s only patronising because you believe it is. I have mum friends older than me and younger than me and anyone who had a baby in their 20s is to me, young. I’m not judging them for being young and I don’t think they know any less than me but I am glad I had my kids a decade later than you. I was not ready personally speaking, to have a baby anywhere near my early twenties but I felt ready going into my 30s when I had enjoyed enough years of being me, and of being us. I am me so very rarely nowadays but there is nothing to regret.
Read “gosh you’re young as ‘gosh I’m old’”...😂 that’s mainly what I think with much younger peers!

[Angel2702]

I never thought I was particularly young but I’m now 36 and a lot of my friends didn’t have kids until recently. I had mine at 23, 25 and 28.

[WombatChocolate]

I can see it might be annoying if at the GP or SureStart centre you are always categorised as 'young' and it implies that you need an extra eye kept on you, when you feel perfectly capable.

These categorisations and qualifications for certain coures/help use blunt instruments to identify who qualifies. Age is a simple way to identify those who might be more likely to be more more deprived circumstances or face difficulties. Of course many who are young are perfectly capable, financially solvent, in stable relationships and better able to cope than lots of older people. But statistically, those under 25 and certainly those under 20 these days are more likely to have difficulties related to finances, relationship stability etc etc which make parenting more of a challenge.

Op you might find you get offered all kinds of things as a 'young parent'. Don't bebiffended but do what the older mothers would do and snap up the opportunities for yourself and your child. And when people comment on you being young, just smile and say how pleased you are that your plan of being a younger mother worked out and that you love it.

[SadOtter]

Why is it bothering you?

I work in a school, the majority of parents had their first DC in their late 20's to early 30's. You are young compared to them. I had my first at 15 and second at 20 so you aren't young compared to me but I know I was a very young mum.

I'm not sure the label is patronising to be honest, more a recognition that you'll probably face different challenges. Most of my friends are having DC now (I'm 30) and they are struggling with the sleepless nights way more than I did (as i would be, long gone are the days I could go to work on 2 hours sleep) they are worried about taking time out their career whereas I hadn't started mine. But they have friends at the same stage of parenting as them, which I've never had, they are financially more stable than I was. I'm not saying either is better, just that the worries are slightly different.

[Wedgiecar58]

No judgement but 2 kids at 24 is young!

Not sure why it bothers you. Embrace it!

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

Interesting answers. I would have thought 23 an average age to become a parent, perhaps under 21 being a "young parent"

The town I live in has some very deprived areas though, so maybe my perception is influenced by that.

[cochineal7]

Taking childbearing age to be from say 15-45, early twenties clearly is on the younger side of the range. Not sure why it matters so much to you though. I had mine late - in my early forties. It makes me an ‘old(er)’ mum. Fact. And I think you are indeed a ‘young(er)’ mum. But not with any disapproval in my tone of voice. Swings and roundabouts as to advantages and disadvantages. Life goes as it goes.

[Billballbaggins]

I had my first at 25 and that was very young in my social circle. Most of my friends still don’t have children yet and we are 30/31/32. So yes it’s all relative

[Guineapiglet345]

I’m a young mum at 33 compared to my other mum friends

[americandream]

IMO you are a young mum to have 2 kids in your early 20s.

Why do you find it patronising?

[Walkaround]

The average age nationally to be having a first baby is something like 29 or 30 these days, so yes, you are a young mum compared to the average. In fact, the average has been higher than 23 since at least the second world war onwards, with the exception of 1968, when 23 was the average, before going back up again. It's really not patronising, therefore, to call you a young mum, as compared to the average, that's what you are. It's not the same thing as being a too-young mum, of course!

[EntirelyAnonymised]

According to the most recent stats, it is 28.8 years old. I linked to the ONS report on page 1.

[Halloumimuffin]

My parents were early 20s when I was born, and they were absolutely delighted in their late forties when their friends were all running after toddlers and they had a well-behaved late teen!

[thecatsthecats]

Broadly I find people mean:

Teen mum - as it says on the tin.
Young mum - 20-24
Just 'mum' - 30-35
'Older' mum - 35+

The gap at 25-29 is deliberate, because I find people sort of assume you do it 'early' or 'on time'...

[DianaPrincessOfThemyscira]

I think it’s young. Anything under 25 (which is the age I personally think people should wait till before making permanent life decisions) is young.

[TabbyMumz]

23 is pretty young, yes.

[sar302]

You would be young in my social group. I had my little boy at 33, and I was the youngest in my NCT group. A number of my friend are just getting round to it now at 35/36. At 24 I was single and still in uni! Not the right time for a baby for me. But if it worked for you, then that's all that matters!

There are pros and cons either way I think. A number of my friends are facing fertility treatments that might not have been necessary 15 years ago. (Although obviously you never know.)

[Bunnybigears]

I also had my first at 22. At the time I was at the older end of the range at playgroup etc. Now I imagine I would be one of the youngest.

[amusedbush]

I think that's very young to have a baby and would not have been happy to be pregnant at 22. Although I don't want kids at all so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask

I'm about to turn 29, my only sibling is 22 and we seem to be a whole generation apart even just in those few years.

[DaedricLordSlayer]

the average has been higher than 23 since at least the second world war onwards, with the exception of 1968, when 23 was the average, before going back up again

I wonder what was going on 1968?

[Tiles]

I had mine at 23, 24 and 27. I felt young! I still feel young at the school gate with all the mums in their 40s and 50s. I often get told how lucky I am to still be looking so fresh on a Monday morning!

[Nothinglefttochoose]

Very young here I’m from. Average age here for first baby is 30

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

Maybe I'm wrong, and it is young then.

Although I wonder, would it be acceptable to keep referring to a woman who had her children at 35+ as an "old Mum"

What with them being an old Mum and all?