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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal to describe a 16 Y/O as a "naughty boy"?

76 replies

spotifyhero · 10/03/2019 15:19

Ok so a bit of context needed here

I have twins in Year 11, a girl and a boy. They are a bit of a pain, cheeky and a bit full of themselves, but generally nice kids (ha, what a lovely description from their DM)

Overheard some banter between DS and friends today where one of his mates called him a "naughty boy" then they were joking about how it was just like "Miss " and was he getting turned on etc. (Not the conversation you want to overhear but I am pretty used to it with teenagers).

Anyway, I took the opportunity afterwards to ask my DD about this, I asked who the teacher was and about the comment, she just said "Oh yeh she just always calls him a naughty boy and it gets him gassed cus he fancies her".

Now, I know this is all teenage banter but iMO is it a bit weird for a teacher to be calling a 16 year old a "naughty boy"? To me that sounds like something you would call a small child. I don't want to over react but was just a bit confused about this whole thing. My teens think it's normal and funny but I'm not sure. I'm wondering if the teacher knows the attention this is getting?!

OP posts:
Thankfuckitsfriday1 · 10/03/2019 16:29

If you haven’t been called about his behaviour i doubt it’s anything other then the usual of talking when not meant to etc.?

Dieu · 10/03/2019 16:31

Teacher at an all boys' high school here. No way would I refer to a 16 year old as a 'naughty boy'. It isn't age appropriate at all.

PristineCondition · 10/03/2019 16:31

Your saying he’s talking about her sexually to his friends because of her language and it’s her fault.
It’s minimising his part and putting it on her

Original poster
spotifyhero · 10/03/2019 16:33

@pristinecondition if you have read my OP it is clearly my sons friends making a joke out of it and not my son. I have never said my son has talked sexually about this teacher. They made a joke he was getting turned on my her calling him a naughty boy.

OP posts:
Aubaine · 10/03/2019 16:35

I’m surprised the OP is getting such a hard time from some posters - she wasn’t teacher bashing she said she finds it a bit weird and is confused.

I think it’s a bit of an odd thing to say to a 16 yo too but that doesn’t mean I think the teacher is perving over him Hmm Perhaos she says it to lots of 16 ups including girls, although I’m presuming you’d have said if that’s the case OP.

youarenotkiddingme has really good advice. It’s wirth pointing out to the teacher in a I-am-collaborating with you way. The OP can then have a word with her DS once she’s heard from the teacher about how his behaviour is problematic and how he can improve.

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 16:36

This teacher's first language might not even be English so she may not realise that it could possibly be construed like dirty talking. What professional noun would you use- lad? Child? Student?

Your dd says that this teacher has to say this s lit to her brother. While it may not be seriously bad, I'd be concerned about the low level pita he's being at school.

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 16:38

You'll be "that" parent if you complain. You're basically asking her not to use words that may be construed sexual when he's an at age where any word said by an attractive woman is a turn on.

CordeliaEarhart · 10/03/2019 16:38

But also don't want to encourage this sexualised image my son and his friends clearly are having right now of this situation.

So deal with your son. Talking about his teacher in this sexualised way is very inappropriate. You heard it, you are his parent, it is your responsibility to deal with it.

Aubaine · 10/03/2019 16:40

To be clear though, I do think it’s inappropriate for a teacher to say this to a 16yo. If only because of his it’s perceived by the other students as the OP’s situation demonstrates. My DD is at an all-girls-school and I wouldn’t be impressed if a male teacher repeatedly said this to her.

Original poster
spotifyhero · 10/03/2019 16:43

@cordeliaearhart
I didn't really hear my son say anything though, he was laughing but it was his friends who were joking about the "naughty boy" thing and I only know he fancies her because thats what DD says.

Thanks for those saying it's inappropriate, i am not trying to teacher bash but just trying to figure out whether it's the kind of thing teachers would normally say as I can't imagine it. I am not trying to suggest this teacher is meaning to be inappropriate with my son, but just that she might not have considered the language she's using and the effect it's having

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 10/03/2019 16:45

No one - not least the OP is minimising.

In fact she even asked her DD what ds is doing and admits he's likely being a PITA!

But his behaviour needs improving and to do that they need to find a way to get him to feel punished by it. Atm he's getting out on a pedal stool by his mates which will be more important to a 16yo than an off hand comment by a teacher that's not backed up with consequence.

CordeliaEarhart · 10/03/2019 16:49

If he's laughing along then that is still a problem. Presumably if you overheard him laughing at a racist joke, or a rape joke you'd deal with it.

just that she might not have considered the language she's using and the effect it's having

But she shouldn't have to. If the boys are taking a perfectly normal phrase and making it sexual the problem is theirs and they should be the ones to moderate their behaviour.

WBWIFE · 10/03/2019 16:50

@spotifyhero Sorry about my awful spelling then. Rushing!

That's a different story of DD has verified I guess.

brizzlemint · 10/03/2019 16:52

It depends on whether or not he is the Messiah.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/03/2019 16:56

The problem here is not the teacher nor is it the language that is being used, it is your son, his reaction and reaction of his friends.

By all means contact the teacher and state that your son and his friends are behaving inappropriately over her and the language she uses.

but you should not be saying anything that even remotely implies that she is condoning this behaviour.

Slowknitter · 10/03/2019 16:59

You are over-thinking this. Questioning the teacher's phrasing is just a way of seeking to partially shift the blame onto her because it is uncomfortable to think your son is perving over the teacher. Most teachers may well not call a 16 yo a naughty boy, but that does not in any way mean that a teacher who does so is being inappropriate.

In a school context, naughty just means badly behaved. True, it's usually used about little children. Maybe she is using it to point immature, silly kid behaviour that he should have grown out of. To me it means deliberate, cheeky misbehaviour for the hell of it, as opposed to nasty, rude or defiant behaviour.

titchy · 10/03/2019 17:00

It depends on whether or not he is the Messiah.
GrinGrinGrin

CosyToast · 10/03/2019 17:02

I'd be very surprised if she was calling him a naughty boy though, as throughout my teacher training we were told not to label a child, but their behaviour (ie. that behaviour is not acceptable in this classroom, not you are so naughty)
It strikes me as quite a dated expression, I don't know any teachers who say naughty!

CosyToast · 10/03/2019 17:03

(unless of course he is the messiah, in which case he thoroughly deserves it!) Grin

idril · 10/03/2019 17:10

I agree that calling a 16 year old boy "a naughty boy" is a bit odd and I can imagine the kids all sniggering under their breaths so it's hardly going to help improve any disruption! Not odd because it's sexual but odd because it doesn't seem age appropriate.

Is English her first language? That was my first thought.

Slowknitter · 10/03/2019 17:15

Yeah but 'a bit odd' doesn't mean reprehensible. Maybe she has an old-fashioned turn of phrase, maybe English isn't her first language, maybe it's just a verbal habit. Maybe the kids are exaggerating and she's only done it once. Who cares? It's really not the point.

Original poster
spotifyhero · 10/03/2019 17:18

Just asked DD she said the teacher is definitely english and only young

OP posts:
Original poster
spotifyhero · 10/03/2019 17:19

Not sure if her age is relevant but it's just what dd said, said she can't even be 30 mum!

OP posts:
gingergiraffe · 10/03/2019 17:23

I agree with Slowknitter. Your son is probably behaving in a very immature way. Maybe the teacher has tried other ways of warning him or reprimanding him and this is just another method. He has behaved like a much younger little boy and needs to grow up. You need to have a serious word with him. He is wasting his time and that of his classmates. As a former teacher I would be extremely irritated by such behaviour. Surely not long until his exams and then what?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 10/03/2019 17:48

You seriously see no issues with his behaviour and the need for a chat? He got told off by a teacher,possibly mor than once! In turn him and his mates are laughing and making jokes about it,not to mention how disrespectful it is to talk about her like that. And you don't see any behaviour that needs correcting? None at all?

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