To think that having a c section would have been better than this

[EarlGrayT]

TMI warning

My baby is nearly a year old now. I had quite extensive tearing at the birth and have been having some problems with my bladder and bowels ever since. I was diagnosed with a bladder prolapse and given a pessary. This did help as I was able to do my pelvic floor exercises but did not completely solve the problem. I saw a physiotherapist and had to keep a bladder diary.

Unfortunately my pessary slipped out of place and was very uncomfortable. The GP sent me to the hospital where the first doctor failed to put it back in. She then got a more senior male doctor who did manage to put it back in but it was not quite in the right place. I asked him if there was an alternative to the pessary. He said I could have surgery but that was only for people who have completed their family otherwise I would have to have a caesarean.

I can’t help feeling that having a caesarean would be much better than going through all this. I haven’t had sex since the baby was born and I can’t imagine ‘completing my family’ with this problem the way it is. My birth plan was basically so anything to avoid stirrups because I had SPD but obviously I had to have them for the stitches so I felt awful for ages after the birth.

Has anyone had anything like this happen to them and go on to have a normal life and have another baby. We are going on holiday soon and I am worried about going to the beach because I won’t be near a toilet.

I do realise that a caesarean can also come with problems but I do wonder if it would be better than this.

Sounds like it’s ruining your life. I’d have the surgery and have a caesarean later if necessary. My caesarean was lovely and although I have some numbness and tummy pain I’d still choose it again. It would certainly be preferable to weeing myself for however many years. Do you definitely want more kids?

I had a section and it was fine. Ds was huge and when I think of the birth injuries I might have sustained delivering him vaginally it makes me shudder.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I wonder if you could get a second opinion?
Also, on the beach you'll be near the sea

I think with your problems it would be very sensible to opt for a section with any future pregnancy, however being pregnant especially in the later stages would still put pressure on the area so it still might be best to have corrective surgery after you have completed your family as it may end up needing to be done again even if you don't have any further vaginally births.
I think you need more detailed information about your situation from the consultant so you can make an informed decision.
If you ask for a section they are supposed to allow it. It's not like you don't have a good reason.
I would seriously recommend you talk to the gp about this and ask for a consultation with the relevant specialist. You need all the facts.
Sorry this has happened to you, it must be really hard.

When I say you have a good reason for a section I mean it makes it harder for them to say no. I wasn't trying to imply you or anyone else is a malingering timewaster for asking.
I hope you get some answers and I hope you get a solution.

Regardless of the bladder surgery, I'd be having a c-section if I was to have another baby. Your birth was awful and you don't have to be put through that again. As for the bladder surgery, as long as it doesn't hinder your ability to carry more children, or that carrying more children doesn't affect the surgery, then I'd have it sooner rather than later. Why put yourself through the misery of bladder problems for the foreseeable future if it can be fixed now?

I've had a complicated natural (not as complicated as yours) and two c sections. I had to have the second but chose the third.

The c section hurt way more than I every thought, and have problems with analgesia so it wore off during surgery, however if I got pregnant again I would chose c section again. It had much less long term complications and I've never been right since my first birth.

Have the surgery and then have a c section. I never advocate c sections but in your case I think it makes much more sense.

I would like to have another child. If I didn’t I would definitely push to have surgery straight away. The surgery does sound really tough and I don’t know if it would use the kind of mesh that has been in the news for causing so many problems. I do worry that if I had the surgery and then had another baby that it would cause further damage even if I had a caesarean.

I hope there is something that can be done to make it better in the short term. At NCT class the line they put out was very much you might have a small tear but if you do your pelvic floor exercises you will be fine.

I think if I was pregnant again I would push for a c section as I wouldn’t mind if it was initially very painful if I could make a full recovery. The very worst case scenario is that I have a natural birth and my problems get worse.

Neither is better than the other tbh, I had to have sectionsand both were problematic, extremely painful and I took a long time recovering. I would have the surgery to repair what they can and have sections in the future, by not having the surgery surely any future deliveries will make the issue much worse?

Stormy do you mind me asking why your sections were problematic and how long it took you to make a good recovery?

I had a (for me personally) traumatic vaginal birth with DD1. Like you, I’d bought the whole NCT mantra of ‘avoid interventions and you’ll be fine’. With DD2 I pushed for an ELCS, which was granted in the end, and it was so much better than the vaginal delivery! Recovery was still painful, don’t get me wrong, but psychologically I was prepared for it and felt a lot more in control. Also, you get more drugs after the birth!

I wouldn’t hesitate in having the surgery in your position. C sections aren’t all that bad at all. I had one with DC4 after three natural deliveries and wish I’d had one every time tbh.

I have 2 kids and i've also got a serious prolapse and I am booked for surgery. However, I have just discovered that wearing tummy control pants (medium, not firm, hold) has massively improved it, so much so that I may not go ahead with surgery as my symptoms now feel manageable. The pants create a vacuum and naturally cause you to pull up your pelvic floor continuously. I got laura Ashley control pants from tkmaxx. Worth a try?

It's a total crapshoot. You could have a straightforward vaginal delivery and have much less recovery time than a section, or you could have horrendous birth injuries that take years to resolve. I had an EMCS and I won't lie that a part of me is glad I didn't risk tearing and injuries down there, but of course if I'd had a straightforward vaginal delivery I would be saying 'thank god I didn't have a c section..' Childbirth in general is such a lottery. I'm sorry yours has caused such problems.

Also my c section wasn't hugely painful. I was up within 6 hours, home the next day on just ibuprofen and paracetamol and four weeks on I'm living life as normal and have been for some time. Pre labour I was terrified of a section but it's honestly been fine. Obviously that's just my experience, but I would happily do it again (just not the pregnancy part!)

I had an ELCS and it was really relaxed, to the PP who has numbness- I had it as well, but it's gone now.

Haven't rtft, but wanted to say I had a caesarean due to DS being breech and bloody massive. He's now almost 6 months and I still get aches sometimes, but I found the recovery completely doable. I am clinically obese, so by no means fit, but I managed to take him out on my own at 3 weeks, and that involved getting first the pram, then the bassinet, and then us down 8 steps outside our house. I found the recovery so much easier then when I had an open incision to remove my gallbladder 10 years previously. I would have the surgery and then a caesarean - you might really enjoy the experience, lots of women do. I only struggle with it because I didn't experience going into labour, but that doesn't apply to you anyway.

In the kindest possible sense, of course a C-section would have been better than that! I've had two EMCS (one was supposed to be ELCS, but baby came early) and both were fine and have left me with no lasting problems. Can you not have the surgery now if you're willing to have any future possible babies by C-section?

Just to.point out, the NCT does not have a mantra of 'avoid all interventions and you will be fine'. If your NCT truly and honestly said that then you should make a complaint about her. If she said something along the lines of 'some interventions can increase the chances of ......' that is true statistically speaking. We all know that statistics can't predict an individual outcome.

Push for the surgery and have a section in future. I suffered birth injuries with my DD and pushed for an ELCS with DS. Frankly the section was much easier to recover from because I was totally prepared for it and the recovery. With a vaginal birth you have no idea how it's going to go or what type of recovery you'll have until it's done and dusted.

You can't carry on the way you are. And like you say, you can't even imagine completing your family with this issue so it's affecting every aspect of your life. Get this sorted, worry about birthing any potential future offspring as and when the issue arises in the future.

I'd say go for the surgery and a ELCS if required in the future.

In an elective situation, in the absence of particularly hazardous health complications, ELCS tends to have positive outcomes on recovery. An attempt at VB can so easily end up in EMCS or birth injury as you've already experienced.

My first birth was EMCS at the end of a long labour and SPD ridden pregnancy. Recovery was slow, but the long term effects, the overhang and the lack of sensation near the scar are superficial. My odds of a VBAC were good, but it was concluded with forceps and a 3rd degree tear. The longer term consequences are nowhere as severe as yours have been, but recovery was very painful for a few months, it exacerbated the SPD, and years later I don't go running without being careful about underwear. If I had another, I would go for ELCS as with my previous experience, the chances of winning the bet and having a nice, injury free birth look too low to me.

Evil they might not explicitly say it, or indeed mean it, but the way everything was presented in my course certainly conveyed that message to me.

Have a c section for your next birth. You might not want the surgery to fix things before your next pregnancy as it may cause issues.

But insist on the physio who can manage pelvic floors in the meantime and also ask for a debrief or counselling re the birth - given you still don’t want sex.

Basically, get help and support. Annoys me beyond belief that women are not helped with this stuff post natally. I honestly believe men would have loads of help (think of oust surgical support for men who have prostate surgery - but we have to put up with it).bd pushy

If men gave birth instead, they'd be offered a caesarean every single time.
Go for the surgery and caesarean.

Sympathy, OP. I had a bladder and rectal prolapse after a VBAC, with a 3/4 degree tear. It was such a shock and a huge mental burden for a long time.

I just wanted to sound a more optimistic note that you many be due for a lot more healing than you think - the body takes a long time to recover from this stuff. It took about 2 years for my symptoms to become manageable.

It’s wise to wait until you’ve finished your family before you have any repair surgery, not just because of the need for a C-section but also because additional pregnancies may decrease the ‘lifetime’ of the repair. Agree that after reading of all the issues with mesh repairs I’d be wary of what a surgeon could offer me, in any case.

YANBU.

No woman I have spoken to feels she has gone back to normal after giving birth vaginally, even if there are no ongoing problems. Lots of women I’ve spoken to have ongoing issues following vaginal birth which just doesn’t seem to be true of sections.

I think women will generally be better having caesareans. I have a prolapse and I’m very upset about it. I don’t care if the initial recovery would have been harder (which I doubt given I couldn’t walk for a month), it would have been worth it to avoid potentially lifelong issues.

Sorry you’re having such a tough time OP