To think that having a c section would have been better than this

[EarlGrayT]

TMI warning

My baby is nearly a year old now. I had quite extensive tearing at the birth and have been having some problems with my bladder and bowels ever since. I was diagnosed with a bladder prolapse and given a pessary. This did help as I was able to do my pelvic floor exercises but did not completely solve the problem. I saw a physiotherapist and had to keep a bladder diary.

Unfortunately my pessary slipped out of place and was very uncomfortable. The GP sent me to the hospital where the first doctor failed to put it back in. She then got a more senior male doctor who did manage to put it back in but it was not quite in the right place. I asked him if there was an alternative to the pessary. He said I could have surgery but that was only for people who have completed their family otherwise I would have to have a caesarean.

I can’t help feeling that having a caesarean would be much better than going through all this. I haven’t had sex since the baby was born and I can’t imagine ‘completing my family’ with this problem the way it is. My birth plan was basically so anything to avoid stirrups because I had SPD but obviously I had to have them for the stitches so I felt awful for ages after the birth.

Has anyone had anything like this happen to them and go on to have a normal life and have another baby. We are going on holiday soon and I am worried about going to the beach because I won’t be near a toilet.

I do realise that a caesarean can also come with problems but I do wonder if it would be better than this.

Sympathies OP it sounds shit

I had a failed vontouse, forceps delivery, episiotomy (which broke down afterwards), 3rd degree tear, retained placenta and manual removal and PPH. It was an incredibly emotionally traumatic time. It took me months to be up on my feet again fully and several years of private postnatal physio (the nhs physio I saw was crap) to feel better down there and get good pelvic tone back.

With my next baby I had an elective section which the consultant agreed with straight away so no hassle or fight there at all.

Well it was a night and day experience. So calm and controlled and unlike with DD where we were immediately separated as I was rushed to theatre I got to do uninterrupted skin to skin with DS all afternoon/evening. Just BF and cuddling him and because I wasn’t sleep deprived (by the time DD came out I’d been awake 24 hours) I just led in bed awake while he napped on me gazing at his beautiful face. It was a wonderful and healing experience emotionally.

Recovery wise I was up and hobbling about that afternoon and home the next day. I personally found the pain and discomfort similar in level to my tear/stitches last time BUT to me, SO much easier having the pain/stitches in my tummy rather than my foof.... I could sit down for one thing!!!!

Definitely the right decision. DS was a bigger baby than DD and I didn’t want to risk further damage

goldenzog I will try wearing the support pants. I would try anything at the moment. It is good that something has worked for you.

EvilEdna to be fair to her she did talk about statistics in terms of tears and she was very balanced in general but a prolapse and incontinence was presented as something you could prevent.

That sounds pretty awful OP. Would you be able to have the surgery and then have a csection next time?
As you say, it would be better than what you're going through now.

I had a csection with my second. I had a really difficult birth with my first with an episiotomy and stiches. DD2 was breech and after my horrific first birth there was no way I was going to try and push out a breech baby!!

It was great, a bit surreal, but great. I was up and walking around with in a few hours and went home the next day. The recovery time wasn't any longer for me than with my first and at least I could sit down without being in pain!!!

May be I was lucky, I know others that didn't have it so easy, but I wouldn't let having a csection put you off having the surgery if it'll improve your quality of life now.

I had a natural birth first and then a c section for my second.

Hands down my c section was a complete breeze in comparison to my natural birth, I had a fourth degree tear, blood transfusions and problems down below sex wise and bowel problems for a long time afterwards.

C section I was slow walking for a week then absolutely fine.

fretnot I am pleased that you are more optimistic about it and that your symptoms became more manageable. I was doing ok with the physio until the pessary fell out and it felt like it was on the way to becoming more manageable.

I do accept that further pregnancies may lessen the impact of the repair. The way the doctor was so dismissive of having a repair because I would need to have a caesarean did make me cross because, I would much rather have a caesarean than continue like this for years and years and also the implication that if I didn’t have the repair I would be encouraged to have another natural birth.

I had a severe tear with my first and I still have urgency issues as a result 2 years down the line. With dc2 I had a c section and it was an absolute breeze in comparison, slow for the first few weeks but I felt normal after 6 weeks.

The c section itself was so lovely, everyone seemed calm and positive, there was music playing and it was just so lovely. Skin to skin immediately and it was so quick.

I didn't even get to hold my first for a couple of hours as I was in such a bad way. It still makes me really sad to be honest.

I did find that the urgency symptoms worsened in the second half of my pregnancy with dc2 and I was really worried but it all calmed down a few months after birth.

Sorry you had such a tough time op. x

I've had 3 vaginal births, and if I had my time again, wouldn't do it in a million years. I have a bad cough at the moment, and it's fucking miserable. We're so behind other countries in terms of our pelvic care, and see TV ads with youngish women wearing incontinence pads. It shouldn't be the bloody norm!

Oh and beware of the encouragement for a natural second time round.

I was on the fence at first and started getting dragged into the sales pitch by a midwife of no tear and a lovely natural happy birth, no haemorrhage and second babies aren't always as big etc.

It was only when I said no I would actually like a c section please, the consultant said he was so pleased and it was the best decision in my case. He seemed very open to both until I said what I wanted, then almost sighed with relief. He also said he sever scar tissue could make another tear worse.

I'm not sure if it's a money thing or being scared of giving an opinion but the consultants seemed on the fence until I said my decision was made.

It is good to hear that people have been given elective sections. It do worry about being talked into having another natural birth. I am not very good at sticking up for myself.

I think some people have to put up a fight which is awful but in my case it wasn’t a problem at all. It was in my notes what happened with my first so they offered me a ELCS on a plate and no one tried to talk me into a natural birth. I would think with your experience it shouldn’t be a problem.

OP I support other pp advice re ELCS for your next delivery. Re pelvic floor issues, it may help getting a personal trainer who is knowledgeable in post partum recovery/core restoring and generally putting your core right with their help. Weak pelvic floor is the result of stretched-out and weakened deep core muscles/ muscle corset which effectively holds our body together from ensuring good posture to holding internal organs in, to pelvic floor. It is all connected so improving core muscles will help with other things like lower back pain, bladder issues etc

Really all pp women should have a rehabilitation course of some sort as pregnancy and birth damages our core as it is. Some women recover better (being younger helps), some are never the same.

Hope you get your problem sorted. Please don’t suffer in silence and demand treatment as it clearly affects your quality of life. Massive hugs

I had a missed 3rd degree tear from first birth, not sure how it was missed or how I missed it by anyway, had a massive 3rd degree tear with the 2nd and the Surgery improved the botched missed 3rd. However always wanted another child, but knew there was no way I could risk another birth.

I had two c sections to avoid further damage to my rectum

Both insisted on by the consultant

I would push for the surgery with an elcs in the future

I’ve had 2 c sections. First emergency and then second one elective. Kids are now nearly 4 and 18m. I feel totally fine physically (apart from sleep deprivation) and probably have for at least the past year. The first few weeks of recovery are hard, and of course anyone can be unlucky with complications from surgery, but id absolutely have another elcs if I was planning more children.

I have had 3 c sections and recovery was fine. Harder after the first as it was EMCS after a very long labour (nobody would prepare for an operation on their leg by running a marathon first).

There can be complications but IME a lot of work is done now to try to minimise the risk of infections, blood clots etc.

I think the biggest risks come from an EMCS where things have already started to go wrong.

Best wishes for whatever you decide.

I haven’t had experience of a difficult vaginal birth, but I had a complicated emergency section and my recovery sounds much quicker / easier than yours. Was tough at first, but have no lasting problems. By about 2 months I was completely back to normal.

My SIL has extensive tearing from her first DS (born 2016), leaving her with lots of continence issues. For her second DS she was offered an elective section before she even asked. She had this in July last year and couldn’t believe how good she felt in comparison to her first birth.

Because of the type of section I had, I would need an elective section in future, which I am more than happy with!

Goodness, you poor thing. Yes, a csection is a walk in the park, I would recommend that for any future babies.

Regardless of what you choose, in your shoes I would push hard for more physio. The one I had really helped me over time and as a PP said this can help a whole range of issues, including preventing back pain in later life. Wish you the very best with it.

Had tape put in after DS as had prolapse and then went on to have section with DD2. Was fine. Section and tape.

Did hear surgeon say that I would never have got baby out with that there whilst I was on the table though!

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m not in the UK and I don’t want to criticize the NHS but the way that natural birth is pushed in cases where it seems so obviously the wrong choice just baffles me.

I had an ELCS for Breech baby and it was incredibly civilized. I recovered quickly and very well. Some of my poor friends who had traumatic natural births are still dealing with issues years down the line. I wish the conversation would change to something more honest.

I had a horrendous birth with our first. Ended up with both bladder and bowel prolapses after a bad forceps delivery. Various other bits went wrong too.

When I went for my birth debrief, the consultant said that obviously I would have a c section next time to avoid any further damage. I just laughed at her. Next time? Are you out of your fucking mind?

IF I was going to do it, there's no way I'd delivery vaginally again.

Check out the association for pelvic organ prolapse Facebook group x

I had 2 c sections. One v much emergency (under GA) one planned.

My recovery from both was amazing and I was in a lot better shape a few days after birth than many of my friends who’d had vaginal deliveries.

It depends on so many factors, but the idea that a section is automatically worse than vaginal is horseshit.

I have been on the phone to the hospital all morning to try and get another appointment to have a new pessary. Apparently the doctor I saw last week should have made one for me.

Bloomburger what kind of tape did you get put in?