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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect a lie in once a week?

42 replies

dadadadadabatmum · 10/03/2019 07:34

18mo DS wakes at 6.30ish. During the week to get ready and drop him off at childcare I get up at 5.30, DFiance gets a lift to work at 7.30, so gets up about 7.10

At a weekend we have a system where Sat is DFs day to lie in, Sun is mine. Saturdays when I hear DA awake I take him downstairs and that's that. Sunday it's a whole circus where DF claims not to hear ds, is too sleepy, so I go and get him and bring him upto us. Ds flinging himself about the bed, reading, shouting, poking and prodding me and DF for a solid forty minutes before DF shows any signs of waking. I then have to hold DS whilst DF needs '10 minutes laying here with my eyes open to wake up properly' gets dressed, washes, brushes his teeth.

By the time all of this is over I'm wide awake and have been for over an hour, but DF thinks I'm the one being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
Pootle40 · 10/03/2019 07:38

Definitely not.

adaline · 10/03/2019 07:38

He does it because he knows you'll just get up and watch DS for him. He's being a selfish git.

I know it means you won't get a lie-in but can you get up and go out and leave him to deal with DS? You could go for brunch somewhere and just have a few hours of peace? It might help get your point across!

Original poster
dadadadadabatmum · 10/03/2019 07:39

@adaline Not a bad idea but I'm soooo tired. I'm definitely more selfish now I'm a Mum. I feel like if I don't demand time to myself it wouldn't happen, and I'd do anything for a lie in

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 10/03/2019 07:41

Clearly you are not BU. Especially as you get the early starts during the week -does DH do anything more at the other end of the day to compensate? Perhaps start having sleepovers at a girlfriends house on Sat nights.

origamiunicorn · 10/03/2019 07:42

Not a bad idea but I'm soooo tired. I'm definitely more selfish now I'm a Mum. I feel like if I don't demand time to myself it wouldn't happen, and I'd do anything for a lie in

Not selfish OP, you've agreed this and he needs to respect it. You needed your lie-ins like he needs his.

RoryLeighGilmore · 10/03/2019 07:43

Why aren't you taking it in turns to get him ready in the morning?
We both get up at 5.30 even though I leave at 6.30 for work and DH leaves at 7.30 for nursery drop off and work. We share the load regardless of who does the actual drop off. Neither of us would consider the other doing it all.

Samind · 10/03/2019 07:43

You're not selfish. You made a deal and you've upheld your part!!!

Bobbybobbins · 10/03/2019 07:44

YANBU!

Desmondo2016 · 10/03/2019 07:45

I'd have him doing the childcare drop off at least a couple of mornings. He sounds unbearable OP

LL83 · 10/03/2019 07:45

So selfish. Can you go to your mums or sisters or cheap hotel?

howabout · 10/03/2019 07:48

I think you are both being unreasonable. Getting up at 6.30 with a toddler is one thing, but creeping about the house with them for a couple of hours while the other parent has a lie in and then entertaining them for another hour while the lie in parent gets up and has breakfast in a leisurely fashion makes it worse.

If your DS normally wakes at 6.30 when you have been up since 5.30 then I assume if the house is quiet they will be first up around 7.00. Imho it would all be more harmonious if you just all got up then - admittedly your DF would never get a lie in as they don't normally get up till 7 but you would get 1.5 hours extra in bed.

It is much easier to get extra time in bed by stealing it in early nights rather than late mornings when you have toddlers ime.

Passmeabrew · 10/03/2019 07:48

Swap lie ins. You have the Saturday and if he messes you about then you give him the same Sunday - baby in bed while you cpme round etc. If he manages to get up without the fuss Saturday, you will Sunday. And also he should be helping more in the week.

AnxietyDream · 10/03/2019 07:48

We had a similar 'one lie in each' at the weekend arrangement and I would have been extremely annoyed if my DH acted as yours does.

adaline · 10/03/2019 07:48

I think your DH should be helping you during the week too. Why on earth are you the only one getting up with DS and getting him ready?

Knicknackpaddyflak · 10/03/2019 07:48

Stop enabling his lie in on a Saturday. If he had ds alone would he get it together or would he just ignore ds and go on dozing?

DuploRelatedInjury · 10/03/2019 07:49

YANBU. Why don't you do what he does on his lie in? Show him exactly how reasonable it is to do all that faffing around. I'm not sure he really needs the lie in anyway though, if you're always up nearly 2 hours before him.

KizzyWayfarer · 10/03/2019 07:49

Do you have a spare room? If so, you could get up, give DS to him and go back to sleep there (with earplugs maybe).

howabout · 10/03/2019 07:51

(should add my perspective may be coloured by getting up with teenager to get her out the door at 6 and then getting ready to collect her sister from a sleepover - just as well I am a morning person) Grin

Raisinbrain · 10/03/2019 07:53

YANBU.
I'd definitely stop giving your partner a lie in on saturdays and also start encouraging the little one to wake him up at 6:30 during the week too until he stops being a dick.

notanothernam · 10/03/2019 07:55

Not selfish at all. Kick him out of bed, it's your turn, he can wake up slowly downstairs!

Oysterbabe · 10/03/2019 07:59

Stop getting up to get the baby. Shake him and poke him until he's awake while repeating "It's your turn".

TheInvestigator · 10/03/2019 08:05

You need to put your foot down. Do not go and get your son when you hear him. Shake your fiance, kick him out the bed, do whatever it takes whilst repeating "you had your lie in. Today is mine. Get up".

You need to have a serious talk to him today, and tell him that if he refuses to give you this one day then, from now on, he will be getting up at 5.30 to split the weekdays with you. Make him understand that this is not fair. He is a parent and this is his job. It does not matter how tired he is; he must get up. You're doing it 6 days a week! You will not do it on a Sunday. Make him commit to it, then next week do whatever you have to do but do not get the baby for him!

CarpetGate · 10/03/2019 08:06

YADNBU. Also, if you both work, why on earth are you doing the weekday mornings? We swap and each do every second week.

Oysterbabe · 10/03/2019 08:09

Also is it really necessary to get up at 5:30 in the week when your son gets up at 6:30? What are you doing for an hour? Surely things can be prepared the night before so getting up at 6:20 for a quick shower? Or what I do, wake up when the baby does, give him to DH to get him dressed while I have a shower.
You know that having a penis doesn't automatically mean he does less childcare right?

madcatladyforever · 10/03/2019 08:09

I'm sick tof death of hearing about these lazy selfish shits on mumsnet. It just makes me stressed and angry.
I decided with my first husband that as I was basically a single parent when it came to bringing up my child I may as well be one. I had lovely lie ins on the weekends my son was with my ex.

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