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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he put my kids in danger

40 replies

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 22:25

Today my fiancé took my 2 young kids to pick up his daughter. Usually he would always pick her up from her house as her mum does not drive but today a male relative of hers dropped the daughter to the main road near our house (this have never happened before) My fiancé had our baby in the pushchair and my son was waking.

The male relative who he met has recently threatened to 'stab my fiancé and leave him lying in a pool of his own blood' the whole family are evil dangerous people and half the family are in prison.

I have only found out about this since returning home from work and have hit the roof.

Just to add it wasn't his contact weekend this extra contact was arranged this morning and I had no knowledge of this arrangement.

AIBU to think he put my kids in danger by taking them to meet this man?

OP posts:

MitziK · 09/03/2019 22:58

It doesn't sound like it was actually taking them to meet him, it was a quick drop off of his eldest child and it might have been an emergency. To refuse to pick his daughter up would have let her down.

Even assuming that the threats weren't all willy waving I'M A BIG MAN bollocks, the type that do that sort of shit normally have a rule of never involving children, least of all the child of the person they're threatening when they're also part of their family.

It wouldn't be fair on the eldest to miss out on seeing her Dad because Granddad's gone all EastEnders. And perhaps this drop off is part of the gangster bollocks wearing off.

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:01

Thanks for your response. The extra contact was not an emergency she just wanted to come to ours for a while.

The man in question is not a grandad, he has been in prison and was released around 6 months ago for stabbing and robbing an elderly gentleman for a phone. They really are dangerous people.

I feel that my fiancé can not appropriately safeguard my children and not sure where this leaves us.

In regards to the daughter wanting contact with her dad surely the safety of the other kids trumps this situation?

OP posts:

AnOwlCalledPlop · 09/03/2019 23:03

Wtf why are you associating with these people at all, let alone marrying into them?!

Fuck. That.

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:05

Trust me we are very normal people and I wonder the same thing myself when the mother or her family start kicking off

OP posts:

DoJo · 09/03/2019 23:05

Surely his daughter was more vulnerable and in more danger in the care of this man? I wouldn't leave my child with him.

MeredithGrey1 · 09/03/2019 23:05

In regards to the daughter wanting contact with her dad surely the safety of the other kids trumps this situation?

Obviously I don’t know the full situation and there may have been a better way to handle it, but did he perhaps feel like he had to go because he didn’t want his daughter left with this man? So he was thinking about the danger to his daughter potentially being with this man for a longer period, rather than the danger to the other kids of a brief encounter with the man while he was there?

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:06

The man is a family member who has lived with them since his release from prison. Cafcass have ruled that the mother can make decisions on who lives with the child but that's another story

OP posts:

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:08

@MeredithGrey1 love the user name btw massive Greys fan!

The mother was at home at the time as well. She was also present when the daughter was dropped off

As mean as this may sound my priority is to safeguard my children. If my fiancé can't also do this then surely it is not responsible for me to leave them in his care?

OP posts:

SpenglerOswald · 09/03/2019 23:10

No he didn’t, get a grip.

LovingLola · 09/03/2019 23:11

But presumably the handover of the child to your fiancé was grand? And nobody was stabbed ?

HellonHeels · 09/03/2019 23:12

Easiest way to safeguard your children would be to end this relationship.

AnOwlCalledPlop · 09/03/2019 23:12

God some people have low standards for their kids.

Costacoffeeplease · 09/03/2019 23:13

No I don’t think there was enough danger to trump his child’s request for contact. Do you think something would kick off in the street in broad daylight? If so, why are you even with this guy?

LovingLola · 09/03/2019 23:13

I took the OP has a baby with him

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:15

My fiancé would not kick off but this other men I wouldn't put it past him.

Yes it was fine BUT he now knows practically where we live and the handover was done right outside my children's nursery which no doubt his daughter would of said whilst hanging around waiting for my partner.

I do not trust these people and want my kids far far away. I am considering ending the relationship over this however I am torn. Is this extreme or not?

OP posts:

LovingLola · 09/03/2019 23:16

Who can tell?

TriciaH87 · 09/03/2019 23:17

If you can't trust his decisions with your children maybe he should not be your fiance. As future step parent you should be able to trust his choices if you can't then i would question the relationship. I understand your children are your concern but his relationship with his daughter is his and will be above your children in his mind. You clearly view your children as more important than his from your post which as a mother i totally understand i too would put mine above someone elses but he is doing the same. I would discuss it and say how could you (he)handle it better in future if you do not like what you hear think long and hard bevore marrying him.

YogaWannabe · 09/03/2019 23:18

God some people have low standards for their kids.

I expect to see a lot of your posts on the relationship board in the coming years OP.

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:19

Sorry to confirm the baby is my partners child also

OP posts:

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 09/03/2019 23:20

Bit confused:

So he went to collect his step daughter (and you are her step mum?)???

Taking the two children you and he have together?

Is that right?

Sorry, it does all sound very messy, but I don't really understand your OP.

Original poster

user12436644667 · 09/03/2019 23:22

@RedHatsDoNotSuitMe sorry for the confusion.

Yes you've got it right except only our baby is my partners child, my other son is from a previous relationship.

OP posts:

bellie710 · 09/03/2019 23:30

So if you split up over this your DP will have your child at various times when he has contact, which may coincide with when he has his other daughter. How will you stop him going near the house to pick her up etc when you are not around and have no say in what he does?

This is not an ideal situation but you have a child together so it isn't as simple as just finishing the relationship. Why not just agree that when he picks up/drops off he doesn't take the other children with him?

puppy23 · 09/03/2019 23:30

Baffles me how lax some people on here are in regards to their kids being around criminals - YANBU OP. Especially given the threats stabbings given the current climate

Dippypippy1980 · 09/03/2019 23:37

So your partners ex is living with a violent man who is allowed to be alone with your partner’s daughter. You are upset that your partner went to meet this violent man (who has threatened to kill him) while he had sole charge of your two children. I can understand why he went to collect his daughter - however if this man really is a danger then it might have best to leave he other two children at home with you.

This sounds like an incredibly dysfunctional sitatuon. None of the children should be near this man, and I can understand why you are concerned. Your partner should be doing everything in his power to protect his daughter.

Did your partner report thins threat to the police?

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/03/2019 23:38

I feel that my fiancé can not appropriately safeguard my children and not sure where this leaves us.
He is a father to one not the Nursery, your dc are fine. You are over reacting.

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