To think he put my kids in danger

[user12436644667]

Today my fiancé took my 2 young kids to pick up his daughter. Usually he would always pick her up from her house as her mum does not drive but today a male relative of hers dropped the daughter to the main road near our house (this have never happened before) My fiancé had our baby in the pushchair and my son was waking.

The male relative who he met has recently threatened to 'stab my fiancé and leave him lying in a pool of his own blood' the whole family are evil dangerous people and half the family are in prison.

I have only found out about this since returning home from work and have hit the roof.

Just to add it wasn't his contact weekend this extra contact was arranged this morning and I had no knowledge of this arrangement.

AIBU to think he put my kids in danger by taking them to meet this man?

@bellie710 I've tried to agree this before :( I work every Saturday and Sunday so it is hard for him to arrange to drop her back without the kids.

Usually he drops me to work so he has the car all day but obviously today was unplanned and I had already left in the car. It just scares me I have no control over who my own children are being associated with. We weren't having these issues until around 9 months ago. And now it seems every weekend they are kicking off and threatening something. I don't feel comfortable now they know pretty much where we live. We live on a new estate they could easily drive round and find our car. Before they did not have our address.

@Dippypippy1980 yes it was reported and no charges were made as it was all verbally.

This isn't the first time we have involved the police it's all very worrying now

I've reread the OP and I can't see that your OH actually did anything wrong here? How was he to know that this man would kick off? Unless you're saying this man is always aggressive towards your OH and he just shouldn't have gone? But otherwise I'm struggling to see how he intentionally put your kids in danger.

@FlashingLights101 the man has previously been aggressive and arrested due to his threats against my partner

And if I were your partner I'd be doing everything in my power to minimise time my kid spent around that man.
I'd have made the same calculation he did, gambling a 30 second drop off with the little ones, to keep my older safe from him from as long as possible.
Your priority is your kids. His is his kids, the little girl is as important in his list of priorities as the child you share.
I get why your upset, but I don't think he had much choice. No one else to look after the littles for the drop off and quibbling with a difficult ex would only have hurt his older one.

Your DP wasn't to know this man was to become threatening.

He didn't put your children in harms way with any form of intent.

I find it staggering you aren't showing more concern for his daughter who is obviously living in this shit show. I am assuming you still both have the child, and that when the police were called SS were also informed as a safeguarding referral.

Does he have joint PR? How old is the child? Why did she want to come out of schedule?

So many holes...tbh though, I'm a bit disappointed in your lack of empathy for this poor kid.

@blanketyblankest it's hard to have empathy when we have done everything we can. We are in thousands of pounds of debt to a solicitor and barrister as a result of 18 month long custody battle.

We were given every other weekend however section 7 expressed a huge list of doubts about the mother's ability to parent, the mother was given a support worker who visits most days and we were not given more custody due to both working full time and living half an hour away.

The mothers children (my partners and her other child from another relationship) are on children in need plans. We have never had any social services involvement. The whole thing was ridiculous however it can't change the fact I don't want my kids associated with this psychotic family

Your youngest child will always be associated with this family - your step-daughter is your baby's half sister.

It is good that you have done everything you can to get custody of your step-daughter, but none of this is her fault and the money spent on barristers shouldn't affect how much empathy you have for her.

I really think your partner couldn't do anything else in this situation. Of course he would want his daughter - she wanted him and having her meant being able to ensure her safety for those few hours at least. He had to take the other two due to no available childcare. TBH, he sounds like a pretty good dad.

What did you expect him to do with them? Are they old enough to be left alone?

The whole thing was ridiculous however it can't change the fact I don't want my kids associated with this psychotic family Well having a child with this man has made that impossible now, hasn't it?

You sound like you actually fear that they will come after him/you. How can you guarantee your child's safety now?

You are going to end your relationship with your fiance because of his ex and her family?

I think that's a bit extreme.

I also think you are overreacting about the pick up/drop off.

So what you’re saying is that the safety of the baby he has with you is more important than the safety of his daughter from a previous relationship? Why wouldn’t he want to pick up his daughter when he knows she’s in the presence of his man? If he had the other children with him then he had no choice but to take them with him.

I feel sorry for that little girl if this man is living with her ☹️

Could he get a taxi next time to pick up then other two kids would be in the taxi?

If you kick him out, considering the experience from his attempt to gain a Residence Order in his favour, do you think the Family Court will ban him from seeing his baby - or do you think they'll make an order where he is able to have staying contact with your child, what with him not having any convictions and the mother of his eldest, despite her circumstances, being deemed a suitable parent to retain residence?

He's, going by your own description, not anywhere near as unsuitable as she and her family are - so there's no reason to refuse any application for regular overnight/weekend/holiday contact with him.

I think they'll make an order in his favour, he'll be able to do exactly as he pleases when the baby is in his care and that will most likely involve having contact with his eldest daughter and whoever drops her off/he sees when he collects her. And you won't be able to stop it unless you're prepared to risk being found in contempt.