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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this laziness or depression?

37 replies

DepressedOrLazy · 09/03/2019 14:21

NC as I’m embarrassed.

I’m on antidepressants as it is and am quite active/not a lazy sloth when DC are here.

The weekends without DC, I tend to stay in bed the entire time. Watching things on ipad, reading. I want to get up and out and actually live even in the simplest way but I just don’t have it in me. Usually an hour before DC get back on Sunday evening I can run around tidying the debris of my laziness, shower.
I just don’t seem to have to motivation to do anything and don’t have anything to do anyway.

I feel so ashamed and often lie to them when they ask what I got up to while they were gone because I’d hate them to feel sorry for me or to know how lazy and pointless my days are.
I feel I look horrible so don’t like leaving the house for the sake of it but have no issue during the week and weekends with DC because there’s a reason -school run, activities etc.

If it’s laziness, how do I change? If it’s depression (even though I often enjoy watching/scrolling- it’s not always in despair) then how do I change that, maybe up the anti Ds?

OP posts:

HorseDoorBolted · 09/03/2019 14:27

I feel exactly the same! I’m not on anti depressants and have presumed I’m lazy (not that that means you are!), I just wish I had some get up and go.

People tell me to just do it, but it’s like there is an invisible force pulling me back to my chair, in my house.

Trousering · 09/03/2019 14:29

Don't you think you are just relaxing and resting? I don't see any problem with that. Life is busy, spending two days slowing right down is good. Doing nothing deliberately is doing something. Well done you.

everythingisbetterafteranap · 09/03/2019 14:33

Agree with @Trousering.

It's ok to relax and do nothing. I'm doing it right now

Original poster

DepressedOrLazy · 09/03/2019 14:33

There’s so much I really could and should be getting on with though. So it feels really self indulgent and lazy.
If it was time spent seeing or doing something fun or worthwhile I wouldn’t feel this way though.
I suppose it’s just the feeling that life is zipping past me.

OP posts:

Theoldwoman · 09/03/2019 14:35

Please don't feel ashamed. We are all guilty of it. Do what feels right for you.

cmjwx · 09/03/2019 14:38

Sounds like me

arethereanyleftatall · 09/03/2019 14:40

Isn't that just called relaxing?

HeathRobinson · 09/03/2019 14:40

Sounds to me that you're just having a nice lazy weekend, in contrast to running about all the time with the kids.

What were you like before kids?

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 09/03/2019 14:41

Don’t be ashamed. It’s ok to be lazy. It’s ok to be down or sad. Enjoy yourself. Soak in a bath with some oils and enjoy a movie under a duvet. No shame in this.

ShabbyAbby · 09/03/2019 14:42

You're just resting
The depression is the bit telling you that that's not good enough, it is good enough in fact it's perfect
Slob out, relax, enjoy

Trousering · 09/03/2019 14:42

Cudda shudda wudda

You are talking to us, like minded people who share your favourite pastime, that's fun and worthwhile.

Bumply · 09/03/2019 14:44

This is me too.
Not on ADs currently. All they do is make me care less, so nothing gets done I just feel less guilty about it.

Inkstainedmags · 09/03/2019 14:50

I don't think that sounds lazy OR depressed. YABU to feel ashamed about enjoying some well-earned r&r - that's how some people spend every weekend!

When someone else has my DS for a day or a sleepover I spend the entire time at home by myself doing very little/exactly what I want. It's the only time I get completely uninterrupted mental space. I make no apologies for soaking up the peace and quiet and when DS is old enough to ask I will tell him that I had a lovely quiet time reading or drawing and listening to music because that's what makes me feel good. Everyone has a different way of 'filling their cup'.

YouWinAgain · 09/03/2019 14:51

I do this on DDs Weekends with her dad. I see friends occasionally but mostly just slob out on the sofa eating chocolate and not worrying about the time.

I also have depression and anxiety (as well as PTSD). I need that downtime or I burn out when I have to do everything for DD during the fortnight between her "sleepovers".

Inkstainedmags · 09/03/2019 14:52

Please don't feel ashamed. We are all guilty of it

I agree with the first sentence but disagree with attributing the word 'guilt' to it at all.

BrizzleMint · 09/03/2019 14:59

You're relaxing. It's fine. If I have a rare DC free day I work half the day and laze around late in bed reading and chilling out on my ipad. Sometimes I stay in my pjs all weekend if it's just me.

lazyarse123 · 09/03/2019 15:04

My dc are adults and I do this every day after work and all weekend. I know I should get on ith housework, it does need it, but there are 3other adults in this house and they don't do it either so i've got to the just can't be arsed stage. I need motivating, but you have young children on your own most of the time and deserve to just chill.

bringincrazyback · 09/03/2019 15:08

I'm like this whenever I can get away with it, which isn't often enough. lol Unless you're feeling more depressed in yourself than usual, I'd say just relax and enjoy.

NutElla5x · 09/03/2019 15:15

There's nothing wrong with making the most of your time without the kids by reading and relaxing op. But there is something wrong in feeling guilty about it. Why do you feel guilt? Are there things you feel you should be doing? Is the washing piling up? Is the house a terrible mess? Do you have friends/family you are neglecting? If so it could be a symptom of depression? Otherwise maybe you just need the rest and relaxation, and you should enjoy it while you can. I'll bet many of us would and do do it given the chance

45andahalf · 09/03/2019 15:17

DH has taken DS out to the shops... there are a million things I could be doing round the house but instead I’m reading home magazines, watching Netflix and mumsnetting. DH never takes DS out on his own (can count the occasions on the fingers of both hands over the last couple of years, though he does look after him reasonably frequently so I can go out) so i’m taking full advantage of having the house to myself. Be kind to yourself, OP - there’s nothing wrong with relaxing!

Sobeyondthehills · 09/03/2019 15:21

My DS is off for a weekend in 3 weeks, I am planning not to move out the bed unless it is for food and the toilet and tbh if I thought I could get away with it, I wouldn't even move for that.

QuirkyQuark · 09/03/2019 15:21

I'm on AD and I can be like this. It's self care in my book and all this guilt tripping people because they're not busy busy busy is wrong .
I like doing nothing sometimes and for that I will never feel lazy or guilty.

YouTheCat · 09/03/2019 15:26

Sounds like you're doing something really positive with your weekends - you're recharging for the week ahead. There's nothing wrong with that.

Needallthesleep · 09/03/2019 15:28

I like the quote ‘time that you have enjoyed wasting is not time wasted’ or something like that.

Asta19 · 09/03/2019 15:33

Thank you for writing this post OP. I am currently in my bed MNing. I’ve been reading, playing games on my iPad and feeling bad that I haven’t got out of bed! I don’t even have anything I “should” be doing. Just the guilt that I shouldn’t be in bed. This thread has made me feel a lot better!

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