Is this laziness or depression?

[DepressedOrLazy]

NC as I’m embarrassed.

I’m on antidepressants as it is and am quite active/not a lazy sloth when DC are here.

The weekends without DC, I tend to stay in bed the entire time. Watching things on ipad, reading. I want to get up and out and actually live even in the simplest way but I just don’t have it in me. Usually an hour before DC get back on Sunday evening I can run around tidying the debris of my laziness, shower.
I just don’t seem to have to motivation to do anything and don’t have anything to do anyway.

I feel so ashamed and often lie to them when they ask what I got up to while they were gone because I’d hate them to feel sorry for me or to know how lazy and pointless my days are.
I feel I look horrible so don’t like leaving the house for the sake of it but have no issue during the week and weekends with DC because there’s a reason -school run, activities etc.

If it’s laziness, how do I change? If it’s depression (even though I often enjoy watching/scrolling- it’s not always in despair) then how do I change that, maybe up the anti Ds?

I live for lazy days like this!!!! Enjoy every second!

You don't sound lazy to me, your time with the kids must be pretty full on as a single mum. You just sound like you're recharging your batteries. Maybe when the kids get older you won't feel like you need that recharge time and then you'll want to go out and about more. Until then, don't beat yourself up.

I sleep awful and I don't have that many reasons to leave the house. Home ed can take place on the bed, so yes sometimes it does.

Im on anti depressants but not currently seriously depressed, well 80% OK and 20% bad days but nothing like when I couldn't function etc.

I am not lazy as some days I'm really busy and im painting and wallpapering my way through a whole house and unpacking 200 boxes, (yes I really do have that many).

However I have one day of activity, one day rest, one day mixed and repeat.
I don't care if people think I'm lazy. This is my life.

Do you enjoy the time spent reading/watching TV?
Or do you think of endless lists of things you could/should be doing but dont know where to start?
Do you then think of all the things that could go wrong?

You say you dont like how you look and therefore avoid leaving the house without reason to do so. You feel your kids are reason enough and that you are not??

Sounds like you could have very low self esteem and an anxiety disorder.

Have you every had any CBT?

Anxiety can be quite paralysing, and is often more at play in someone's lack of motivation than 'just' depression.

If I spent a day in bed (and wasn't ill) then that would be a symptom of depression for me.

But we're all different - if you're busy and productive all week and you're simply relaxing and recharging, then stop beating yourself up and enjoy!

personally its what i would choose to do too relax and enjoy yourself

No, it's fine.

I go through stages like this and used to berate myself.

But I also now realise I often need to pace and if I'm doing this, I'm pacing.

I find if I allow myself this time almost plan to do it, I then find there's times where I end up getting up and doing stuff.

I think there's an element to healing in just being in bed. Self care.

You could think of other things that are self care maybe to move away from it and get out more if you'd like to?

It depends whether you're purring like a cat, or whether you're stressing like a greyhound who hasn't been let out for a run.
Behaviour is not an accurate diagnosis of depression. Mood is.

If my DCs were not here I’d also be watch tv or reading in bed and getting food delivered. Enjoy!

It’s my weekend without children and I’ve spent the afternoon doing exactly as you describe. Nothing wrong with it! My life is incredibly busy for 12 days out of 14 so I feel no guilt about spending my free weekend “doing nothing” if I fancy it.

Also, if it was your depression making you do it, I don’t think you’d be so inclined to tidy up before the kids get home.

Adam Cohen sings a beautiful song about a period of depression titled "I can't get out of bed".He lists all the things he would do if he could get out of bed. In saying that I doubt if you're depressed but you're sensibly doing what you have to for survival. The most important thing is that you're up and ready to look after your children when they're home. Life's tough but Spring is here and you're coping as best you can.

I do this and have recently been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I no longer think of myself as terminally lazy.