'Bloody woman'

[Hollygoverylightly]

Please tell me if I am overreacting...SO's elderly father (very mentally alert) keeps saying things like 'tell that bloody woman to do it' (for example, pour a drink). I either sit down and pretend I didn't here or leave. According to SO I am overreacting. I don't get mad, I just ignore it, but apparently because I don't obey when I am asked to do something in this way, I am being unreasonable. I'm putting this out there, but I pretty much know that this is not ok. What if I said 'hey dickhead, do that for me'

I would L both TBs

SO = Significant Other ?

Is he Jeremy Corbyn? That was ‘stupid woman’, wasn’t it?

You can either tackle this head on, and explain why it's wrong and that you won't be spoken to like that, or take the piss out of him when he does it. Maybe hello the 50s are calling and wondered where you are and laughing at him for saying it.

Yeah, everyday sexism, it's always 'just a joke'

Bullying, it is always 'just a joke'.

I’d just ignore him when he’s rude. Just act like you can’t hear him. If SO gets arsey tell him you don’t respond to being spoken to like that, then walk out of the room. Sounds like you’ve got to put your foot down OP. Your SO sounds like he might be cut from the same cloth as his charming father.

I'd reply, "SO is perfectly capable of doing that himself". Every single time.

Disgusting misogyny. And age is fuck all to do with it. My grandfather is 93 and doesn't talk about women in this manner. OTOH, a couple of 20-30 something men I know DO.

He needs telling off. Arseholes like this will carry on being arseholes if no-one challenges them!

So if you said "Get that lazy fucking bastard to do it" that would also be acceptable as a joke?

Yeah, everyday sexism, it's always 'just a joke'

Bullying, it is always 'just a joke'. angry

So so true.

It doesn't matter if it's intended as a joke - it doesn't sound like one to you, and in the context of the shit women contend with it's aggressive and not funny. I think you can say 'I don't mind actual jokes but it's just demeaning - you're either saying I have to laughingly accept being called a "bloody woman" and do his bidding or that I'm being miserable and unreasonable, and I don't think your father and I have a close enough relationship for it to be acceptable banter'

Obviously, if you were as thick as thieves with one another, maybe it could be a funny injoke, him just doing a curmudgeonly old man act with you, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

I would refer to him as "The old sexist git" slightly more "jokey" so you can say that he must be able to take a joke too.
I sympathise my late MIL used to insult me, when DH, was not around, my only response was to smile sweetly at her and ignore her remarks which she gave up on eventually.
You could ignore and rude remarks, and say to your OH when I am referred to/spoken to properly I will respond.

Maybe next time you can ask your SO to tell his misogynist dickwad of a dad to shove it.

Surely he can take a joke too??

Pisses me off when people use age as an excuse for such shite rude aggressive behaviour. Both my granda's would be well into their 90's if still alive, my dad is in his 70's, and my uncles 60's/70's NONE of them would EVER behave like this (to be quite honest 1 granda in particular wouldn't have lived 5 mins if he'd even tried it! That Granny was SCARY!)

Where is this happening? If at the older man's home I'd be refusing to go at all!

Your SO needs a good kick up the arse too! It's NOT funny, it's NOT banter it's bullying, aggressive sexism plain and simple. Tell him he either stands up for you and he can get tae fuck too! (You do realise his NOT dealing with this means he likely has the same attitude? How does he treat you generally?)

Enough is enough! Rude, bullying bastards the pair of them!

I know its not fair to blame parents for the behaviour of their adult children, but a withering stare and a contemptuous "Were you brought up or dragged up?" might be the way forward. Doesn't matter that his youth was ages ago- he should have learned some manners then.

Do you HAVE to be in the same room?

Ok, so it's a joke?

Fine.

(I'm assuming you don't give a shit about keeping on good terms with this bloke, ok...)

Next time:

Him - 'Make that bloody woman do it'
You: (cough) dickhead (cough)
SO/Him - 'What did you say?!'
You: (grinning) Oh just a cough! Why, did you think I said something? If I did it would only have been a bit o'banter, eh Grandad?

etc.

Or just be TOTALLY upfront.

'Hello Grumpo! How's the piles? What? Ohhh can't you take a JOKE? Hahah now I thought you liked seeing the bloody woman, ohhh I'm sad now, look at old furious face, he's really not in a joking mood today!'

I have said I'm not going anymore. It can't be ok to behave like a dick, just because you are 81. Two of my grandparents had dementia and this man clearly does not, like I said he has no mental issues. Thank you for confirming what I thought, it really isn't ok to be made to feel like this and I won't put up with it., I wouldn't be me if I did! When I think of my father, he would never in a million years belittle a woman or my partner. I grew up in a house were each words held weight and you had to be careful how you used them. We still laughed alot though, but about truly funny things. Thanks again MNs

Age has got nothing to do with this.

I imagine he was an ignorant rude pig when he was a young man as well.

I have known several men of that sort of age during my life and I have never heard any of them talk about a woman in that way.

Good idea to keep away from him. You don't have to put up with that just because he's related to the person you're in a relationship with. You wouldn't accept it from a stranger.

I still think your problem isn't just with the older man, your SO is also tacitly agreeing with him that needs to be addressed

His new name is 'Cunty Chops', because that's top bants, right? :)

You're ok with your SO being ok with it?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.