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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked if I am pregnant, I'm not, just have a big belly...

60 replies

bigbelly123 · 07/03/2019 18:53

Hi everyone. Feeling pretty lousy this morning.

I have always had what I would describe as a 'pot' belly. As a 16/17 year old, size 8 I would be asked if I was pregnant by strangers on the street.

I am now 24. I have had a little one 3 years ago. I am currently 10st (5'6 so middle of my BMI). After having my baby 3 years ago I was 10st 11lb, I went down to 9st 4lb. I was happiest at this weight and my belly, whilst still 'pot' wasn't half as bad. It is nigh impossible for me to maintain this weight though, I would have to eat super healthy 100% of the time, only drink water. Just not really realistic. 10 stone is my natural settle weight.

I am a size 10/12, and happy with my weight and body everywhere except my belly. I look slim everywhere else, but I have a big belly. Size 12 jeans cut into my stomach and give me a 'muffin' top, but if I buy a size 14 or larger then it is too big everywhere else.

Tonight one of my neighbours asked me if I am pregnant. I laughed it off and said no, just eating too much food, but I feel on the verge of tears. Yes I know they are a rude, but I know that it does appear that way. Going to start dieting tomorrow to try to get closer to 9 stone again. Considering looking up surgery but I don't even know if thats possible as this has been a problem even at 16, pre-baby.

Has anybody else had this issue, and what have you done about it?

OP posts:
Sorka · 07/03/2019 21:55

I’ve had this loads of times. Like you I’m slim everywhere apart from my belly. It’s the first place I gain weight and the last place I lose it.

I was recently congratulated by someone while I was drinking a glass of wine. Not asked. Congratulated. Said idiot then twice insisted that I must be pregnant after I had told him that I wasn’t. It’s always upsetting, but I found out I have fertility issues not long ago so I was even more upset than usual Sad

People are idiots. I have no idea why anyone would ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

missanony · 07/03/2019 21:59

Pilates and yoga help the posture which is usually a big factor.

AngeloMysterioso · 07/03/2019 22:05

Same here OP. I’ve always been able to look very convincingly pregnant, although usually it was just a food baby! People have been giving me seats on the tube for years...

littlemoon86 · 07/03/2019 22:12

Same OP. A colleague asked me today if I was pregnant in from of another colleague. I’m not pregnant nor have any children yet, I was very embarrassed. This is also the second time she’s asked me. 😢

DownAndUnder · 07/03/2019 22:13

A few years ago a couple called me an ambulance and I heard the woman tell the operator I was “heavily pregnant”, I wasn’t!

SausageSimon · 07/03/2019 22:15

So glad it isn't just me! I've had it when I'm at work including "you're not pregnant?! But you're huge I thought you were ready to pop" which was mortifying.

And then I lost a stone and felt amazing (a lot of it came off my stomach!) and I was chatting to some lovely women about my new puppy. As I left one went "you'll have your hands full with the little one coming along"

So whether I'm overweight or if I lose it I can't escape!

SausageSimon · 07/03/2019 22:16

Weirdly I have really good posture too! So god forbid how I'd look if I slouched

Elzbells · 07/03/2019 22:20

After I had my 2nd baby I got a speeding fine. I had been drastically dieting and was only a few lbs above 9st at 5ft 5 so nowhere near fat.

I did the speed awareness course and as I walked in the instructor asked

Elzbells · 07/03/2019 22:22

Annoying!!

The instructor asked if I was pregnant. I wasn't and told them so but I seem to store fat around my middle and some clothing emphasises it.

Msgiggles30 · 07/03/2019 22:27

I am the same. I havent even had a child yet but have PCOS and classic PCOS tummy to go with it. I am overweight at the moment at size 14 and my jeans are bulging at the tummy, if i went up a size they would be majory baggy on legs and bottom. It was the same when i lost 2 stone before aswell mind. It is just where you carry weight or could it be bloat etc? Fodmap diet for ibs can help if that's a factor x

schoolsoutforever · 07/03/2019 22:29

No advice really but wanted to say I am the same: 9 stone 9, 5 ft 6, massive jelly belly. I haven't had the pregnancy question but only because I ALWAYS hide it under jumper, jacket, loose top etc. Sucky jeans help a bit as you have mentioned. My husband once described me having a 'disproportionately large belly'; 😤he has not mentioned it since. I might give the 7 minute thing a go too. Good luck with your endeavours!

2birds1stone · 07/03/2019 22:32

May have been suggested but are you sure it's not a wheat intolerance.

My brother always had a lot belly but as soon as he cut out bread it almost vanished. If he eats bread now it blows up

Only reason is you say with slimming world of helps, well slimming world restricts your wheat intake so makes me think reducing the wheat helped you

Missingstreetlife · 07/03/2019 22:38

Diets are not the answer if you are not overweight. Exercise, Pilates is good and Alexander technique for posture.

blackteasplease · 07/03/2019 22:38

You sounds exactly like me OP!

snitzelvoncrumb · 07/03/2019 22:42

I have always had a tummy, it appeared on Christmas Day when I was 12 and never left, I just try to dress to hide it.

Original poster
bigbelly123 · 07/03/2019 22:44

2birds1stone I have thought about the possibility of an intolerance. I do get ibs type flare ups at times, I have been to the GP but they haven't been able to confirm this. I have always had the 'pot' belly and bloating, but the ibs symptoms only started after pregnancy.

On slimming world the belly reduced (probably due to weight loss) and the ibs symptoms disappeared too. You cut out both wheat and dairy largely on slimming world so either could be an issue. But I have always had a natural 'pot' belly, I used to joke about it at secondary school.

OP posts:
grinningcheshirecat · 07/03/2019 22:53

I'm an apple shape. I've done low carb, properly starving (as not eating for days), sit ups to the moon and back, ballet, sauna, only drinking water and eating lemons etc.

You know what? Nothing works, it's just my shape. So all those posters on here saying to just do a few exercises: some of us just have that shape!

PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2019 22:57

People are idiots. I have no idea why anyone would ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

This is spot on. It’s rude and there’s no need for it.

bedunkalilt · 07/03/2019 23:03

It will be a body shape/genetics thing. Some diets may help, but realistically they have to be ones you can live by otherwise you’ll stop doing them eventually and feel ‘bad’ again. You have to learn to live with your shape too, if that makes sense!

I’m now in my late 20s. I’ve always carried my weight on my thighs, hips and bum. I guess that makes me a pear. There are lots of outfits, especially for casual wear (like jeans and t shirt), that just do not suit me. I can wear them, but I look huge, so I don’t because it makes me feel big and frumpy. That means my casual wear consists of a lot more skirts than most people I know wear casually, but it’s what suits me and ultimately I’m much more comfortable feeling good about myself than throwing on jeans and a top and doing the usual casual look but feeling like it’s really unflattering.

Personally I’ve found strength exercises are usually best for reducing the size of an area. I’m not a fan of a lot of fitness videos (too much shouting and high energy music Grin) but I do like Fitness Blender. They have a variety of free videos and have labels to say which body areas they help with (they also have ‘programmes’ which you pay for). It’s explained clearly and simply and they have some good short videos. I have no affiliation, I just think it’s a good site and my physio gave it the thumbs up too. If you’re doing it free they usually indicate in the video if you need to do a warm up first, and they have a range of warm up videos.

I also eat low carb/high fat, this is actually because it really helps with the management of my autoimmune condition however I have found that it reduces bloat a lot and I lost weight when I switched - although my tummy isn’t my primary ‘tricky’ area, it’s much more rounded now since I’ve had children and it got significantly less rounded by going low carb/high fat. This particular diet works for me because it lends itself nicely to my natural preferences, I like natural fats and hate having to cut them or significantly restrict them, I like meat and fish but I don’t eat tons of the stuff, whereas I can easily live without carbs, and sugars make me crave sugars so by not having them I don’t miss them (so basically give me chicken, olive oil, cream, veggies etc, yay, don’t care if I don’t eat bread, pasta, apples and so on).

I would suggest trying a few different approaches and seeing what works for you, if you’re going to opt for a diet it’s best to do so in the sense of finding your long term natural diet/way of eating, finding something sustainable that helps you to get the benefits you’re looking for (eg smaller stomach).

mitzmoo · 07/03/2019 23:06

I'm a size 8 but have a pot belly and always have from aged 14 when I started my periods - nothing other than surgery will get rid! Although I haven't ever been asked if I'm pregnant, I do wear 'big pull in knickers' if I wearing a tight dress etc - very rude to ask if you're pregnant though and feel your pain

Myheartbelongsto · 08/03/2019 00:05

If I eat anythin with wheat, I am in bits for days. Bloated, terrible wind I can't get rid of.

The next morning my hands and feet are swollen and my calves are solid.

Go to your GP, rule out anything medical such as split muscles.

We are all trying to hide something x

Klopptimist · 08/03/2019 01:32

A pal is similarly shaped. Her response to 'Ooh, are you pregnant?' is always 'No love, I've just got a big belly. What about you?'

SmarmyMrMime · 08/03/2019 02:08

I'm mainly pear shaped, but my small bust means I'm only ever a hearty lunch away from a pregnancy rumour as I bloat easily and my tummy sticks out more than my bust easily. This effect is increased by the curvature of my back although my posture is decent. I ďo have a normal range abdominal split (diastatis recti) and just to finish it off, a CS overhang and surplus skin from carrying ridiculously large in pregnancy.

Google diastasis recti. 2 fingers gap or more is a structural weakness as well as exacerbating the look of a tummy. Strengthen your core. This will also help posture.

See if you can identify any foods that bloat you. Avoiding IBS flare-ups is a good thing anyway.

You can't beat your body shape, but it can help the extent of it to some extent and being stronger with good posture and avoiding inflaming your digestive system are generally healthy things to do anyway without battling an unsustainable, draconian diet to try to beat nature.

stayathomer · 08/03/2019 02:22

Since I've had 4 kids and my knees are gone dodgy Ive gone from always being described as 'skinny' to people trying not to look at my belly as they try to work out if I'm going for number 5! If you could only see to my books you'd think I was size 8-10 but then I balloon out with a belly that looks about 5 months, then my legs are the same as they always were. It's awful you were asked that OP but honestly you sound lovely and like you said it honestly isn't practical to starve yourself to become a shape you're not. I've no good advice except the soppy kind of try not to worry about it and if you want to there's some good exercise advice above ( I'm gonna try it too!!) And dress in a way you're comfy with and that makes you feel good but what I'm really saying is don't starve yourself and try to be happy in yourself ( I know this is a hard thing to do and I can't really talk but just saying!) Flowers

BejamNostalgia · 08/03/2019 02:26

I’d do an exclusion diet to see if I could pin down what caused the bloating. Sugar is often the culprit.