To keep my toddler rear-facing?

[Chocolateheaven123]

I have a little boy who turned 2 quite recently. As he's getting older, I've started having more comments about him being rear- facing. And quite honestly, it's starting to annoy the fuck out of me. Now my son is quite tall for his age and has a sturdy frame, so well above the weight minimum, which is why I think people are struggling to understand why he's not forward facing yet.

The people are making comments are mostly relatives, some who have young children themselves and turned them FF as soon as they could.

I don't care what people do as they deem it appropriate as parents to do it. However, I don't for MY child. Thing is, he's absolutely fine RF. He doesn't whinge at all, and seems very comfortable like it, plus he loves nosing out the back window

Me and his dad both agree this is what we feel comfortable with currently. We've done a lot of research into extended rear facing, and have decided as parents to carry on with this as we feel it's safer in the event of an accident. If he became upset or uncomfortable to the point of distraction, then we'd re-evaluate.

I don't discuss this decision with anyone, or query when people turn their babies the second they turn 9 months or at the weight limit. It's up to them, I leave them to it. And yet, I'm having so many comments on it lately regarding my son, such as:
"He's heavy/tall enough to face the front now"
"Ahh poor little Jonny (not his name), he's stuck facing the back"
"Ahh poor little Johnny can't see anything"
"ahh poor little Jonny can't see mum/dad"
"he's probably bored out of his mind"
"You can't interact with him that way"

And so on. It's really starting to irritate me. However, I also feel at a loss of what to say because they people are mostly relatives and I don't want to say anything that would indicate I judge their choice to turn their kids, if that makes sense.

I have a friend whos child is still RF (a little younger than mine) and she also has the same at times.

It's making me feel like I'm being cruel to DS, but he's HAPPY as he is at the moment. He actually drags me to the car sometimes as he wants to go for a ride we will obviously turn him eventually but right now, are more comfortable this way.

AIBU or just over sensitive about this? Any suggestions of replies I can give next time someone comments?

We don't even own a car (we're London based so there isn't a need) and I still bought a rear facing seat for my nearly 2 year old to use in hire cars on holiday and as the car seats they supply are always forward facing. Once you see those diagrams about what can happen to toddlers in forward facing seats in a crash it's just too hard to un-see them.

My 4 year old is still rear facing. She's pretty tiny and we'll keep her rear facing while we can.

RF until 25kg??? So 6-7 years old! You’ve got to be joking

Sorry, noworklifebalance, I should be clearer: I think it is fine to say that to people like your mil, but would be rather unkind to a fellow parent of young children who has decided to ff for whatever reason. I would happily say it's safer and leave it at that though.

Haworthia how can the benefits be exaggerated? Physics is remarkably consistent. What a strange comment.

OP the guidelines changed between DC1 and DC2, I now plan to leave DC2 rear facing as long as absolutely possible.

RF until 25kg??? So 6-7 years old! You’ve got to be joking

Why not though when RF is so much safer and risk of serious injury and death in the child is reduced?

How can this be sneered at? I don’t understand?

Isn’t it right that children should be protected from injury/death as much as possible?

It's not against the law to turn them earlier in Scandinavia, but the recommendation and guidelines are to keep them rear facing until at least four. Everyone does it here so luckily for me I never got these comments! Ignore them, they're idiots. You do you, safe is safe :)

As for legs. There's plenty of room for legs, the rear facing seats don't press up completely against the back of the car seat, and they tilt slightly with a raised bit to have under the knees so there's plenty of room for legs either straight or froggy crossed. At least my son never had any issues. We turned him at 4.5, my daughter might last longer as she's pretty small..

Rear facing is just proven to be safer, what parents choose to do with that information is up to them :)

We've only just turned my 4.5 year old forward. He's light, but has long legs, and was starting to get uncomfortable in my husband's car which doesn't allow for as much leg room in an ERF seat. Otherwise, I'd have kept him rear facing until he was heavy enough to go straight into a high backed booster. My 2 year old will be rear facing until at least 4 as well.

My two were in the 97th centipede for height and both RF till 4yo with no problems. People are judgemental idiots, ignore them. My mother nearly burst into tears because I put newborn DD in a car seat for a 15 minute journey rather than holding her in my arms - this from the woman who did CIO from birth!

By the way I think in time all seats in cars will become RF as it is so much safer for everyone. It will take a while for all car manufacturers to make a switch but it will have a huge impact on injuries during car crashes.

Yanbu to keep your toddler rear facing. DD stayed rear facing until she was 4, and DS is still rear facing at 2. When anyone comments just say something to close down further discuss such as “we are happy with him rear facing thanks”. Repeat until they get the message.

Have only just turned my daughter round aged 4 as she reached the weight limit for her RF seat and was starting to complain about having painful legs whenever she was in it. Have bought a isofix FF seat with a harness to 25kg.

I only had a few comments while she was rear facing and simply pointed out it was safer and she was happy. She had a headrest mirror so we could see each other and she could see lots out the side windows. I just had to remember her view would be different when chatting about what we went past. We sang lots too.

Whilst it's none of their business, do remember that those of us with older kids were told it was completely safe to turn at 9kg according to tests and extended seats were 12kg - we turned at 15 months because they were small and light. Booster seats only became law when dd was 6 and many of her friends parents refused to buy them (we always used them).

Yes safety is important but be assured that front facing properly installed is ok, dd was in a freeway accident in the US in her front facing and was fine because it was installed correctly and it was a good car design (the excellent Swedish safety record could be partly down to car design, partly because seats are properly installed, here in the U.K. I regularly see badly fitted seats and babies on laps!)

Yeah @anniehm apparently the law only mandated the use of child seats in 2006! Nuts.

Genuine question - if rear ward facing is so much safer why aren't cars being redesigned so that all seats including the driver face backwards.

They probably will be focus, when the driverless cars are the majority.

At present it's because children have weaker necks/spines and are at greater risk of internal decapitation from a crash. But it is absolutely safer for adults to also be rear facing.

Focal not focus! Sorry

If you're happy to keep rear facing, then keep rear facing. My DSs are six and nearly five and still rear facing. I can't see the logic of turning them for the sake of it. If the weight limit allows them to stay backwards and safer, then why not. They're quite happy, they've never known any different. We have two Britax Two Way Elites, so rear facing to 25kg.

I kept DS rearfacing until last month (he is 2.5 and very tall). I had comments often about why he is that way and “doesn’t he want to be able to see”. All his friends of similar age had turned round ages ago.

In the end I had to turn him as he decided himself that he wanted to be able to see forwards and so started getting himself out of the car seat and climbing round while I was driving!

I should add that they're both diddy, on 9th and 25th percentiles respectively.