Not to tell them unless they ask?

[Marchinupandownagain]

So, about to leave my job and take an extended leave which may end in absolute retirement - depending how I get on. Have been very fortunate to come into an inheritance which with care will last me until pension and then a bit.

Have been speaking to the adult DSs - on phone as they both live at quite a distance - and as I avoid moaning about work (it's not much fun at present for various reasons) I haven't yet told them. And y'know? I'm not sure I want to, unless they ask.

Mainly because DS1's partner is one of those occasionally sharp-tongued and a bit self-righteous types who harps on about how Boomers [I'm not quite old enough to be a Boomer really, but DH is] are responsible for everything bad in Millennials' lives/ruined the economy/voted Leave ( personally, we didn't) and so on. And I anticipate a huge gripe, whether in my hearing or out of it, about "all right for some, meanwhile we will never own property/get to retire/get any pension etc etc"

Yes we are very lucky and no I NEVER talk about Millennials needing to save/ not eating avocado toast (although, bleurgh avocados) or whatever - it's tougher for them and I know it hence the help. But I also don't roll over and say "yes, yes, it's all our fault, sorry sorry sorry" because it isn't. Unless you count the rise in two earner families pushing up house prices which as a feminist I am NOT apologising for. And as Ben Goldacre says re science "I think you'll find it's a bit more complicated than that" and there are a lot of poor pensioners.

In fact I have told both sons we will give them generous property deposits and have always put our hands in our pockets and given practical help when they have come across unexpected expenses/tasks like moving at short notice to take up jobs/flats. You can't take it all with you and I do believe in redistributing income between the generations starting with my family.

So they won't go short, although if I work more years I would have even more to give/leave them. But then DH could die before then and so could I - there's been quite a rash of early deaths amongst extended colleagues in the last year or two.

So - cowardly of me not to dip my toe in the swamp but not volunteering the information? Or am I NBU to keep schtum unless directly asked?

Not that I'm bothered by the btw, just pointing out that not everyone of that generation had it easy.

Well, was on phone to DS2 and told him. He was mildly interested but mainly wanted to talk about his course :-) One down...

I wouldn't go out of my way to tell them. If they phone up and you answer the phone you could just tell the truth, that you are on extended leave. You don't even know yet that you will be retiring at the end of it.

I wouldn't tell them I was retiring until I knew I was.

I would also consider that you could be in retirement for a very long time and I would consider mine and my husband's needs before giving away money to my grown up children. Make sure you won't struggle before giving away too much money.

Have you considered the tax implications of giving money to your sons?

Tell your DS's partner she's being a twat

No! Do what I do, a friend of our daughter was exceptionally rude on the subject, she 'tells it as it is' apparently and is proud of her 'plain speaking', ie gross rudeness, so when she had stopped her tirade to draw breath I simply said, Yes, it's bloody fantastic, tough! At least the shock shut her up.

@CoolJule

Certainly we have looked at the tax implications - DH was in finance, he's a great fan of careful planning - and of paying all his tax properly, before anyone jumps on us.

@onthenaughtystepagain

Brave of you, but this is family. Your daughter's friend doesn't have to talk to you.

As a 43 yr old with mid to late 60's parents who still try and help us married and not struggling kids out I say go for it - wish my parents had before tying themselves to 24/7 childcare for my siblings children - I see my dad in particular still working and not really enjoying his down time and it makes me sad. Enjoy this opportunity - hopefully you have a long life still in front of you!

I'd tell them. If only because it's a work of minutes to find out how much the property sold for and therefore how much you likely inherited.

If your dil is as unpleasant as you believe then she'll likely weave your desire for privacy into space me sort of dishonesty.