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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not feel guilty about this

77 replies

Driftingthoughlife · 06/03/2019 18:12

Name changed at very outing. My DH supports a football team which a lot of the fans boycotted due to the mismanagement of the owners including husband. The owners have finally been got rid of so the fans having started to go back on with the first home game this Tuesday night. There has been no indication when the owners would finally be removed till a few week ago as has been going on for ages.

A month ago I was asked to go on a course for my new job which is very important. I don’t drive due to a medical condition so asked my husband if he can take me. Turns out course is also relevant to his job so he has signed up to the course as well.

Anyway fast forward to last week and the boycotting fans are going back on so DH goes through to the ground and to get a ticket and whilst there decides get a part season ticket for the games for the rest of the season with the first game being this Tuesday night.

DH has now spit his dummy and a sulking. I have tried to arrange a lift with someone else and cancel DHs place but not able to as all the staff live in completely different directions and there is no public transport. A taxi would be a hell of a lot of money.

I have worked it out and. DH could get there about half an hour after kick off somnot a lost cause

To think I should not feel guilty about this and DH should have checked the dates

OP posts:
TheChippendenSpook · 07/03/2019 06:46

Is he going on Saturday? I get it that he wants to go on Tuesday, I do too but I can't.

Quartz2208 · 07/03/2019 07:11

He is going on the course as well to help his earning potential not just the OP

mummmy2017 · 07/03/2019 07:20

This is easy to solve, you both take an extra few hours off work, so he can drive you to the event, or near by, he leaves and drives home in time for the match, you can eat near by, shop or something, and take a taxi the few miles to the event.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 07/03/2019 07:28

Someone ROBBED you while you were having a seizure??
I am horrified that this happened to you. I hope that your husband steps up and does the right thing.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/03/2019 07:42

Now that he has said he will bring you do the kind and decent thing and let him off the promise. I am not totally up to speed with the football story but its obviously a big deal since lots of people here feel the same. Its a one off. Don't have him miss it.
Get him to drop you early and taxi back.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/03/2019 07:44

He's your husband, of course he should honour a commitment to you. I'm amazed that so many seem to think his changing his mind and wanting to watch football instead is perfectly reasonable.

LuaDipa · 07/03/2019 08:00

“As I said, non football fans aren't going to get it.”

That a hobby is more important than a previous commitment to a loved one?Hmm I absolutely don’t get it.

OKBobble · 07/03/2019 08:00

You say you can afford the taxi anyway.

So he drops you off early. You cab back.

Or cab both ways. Why do you need permission to do this?

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 07/03/2019 08:19

It's not about whether OP can afford a cab or is safe on public transport, it's about her DH reneging on a professional commitment and on her- and for no good reason in my book.

I understand that this is a special match. It sounds momentous and I'm not against someone going to a match or having a ticket. But I don't see why football should come ahead of commitments already made- including one that would help a career- just because "football". My ex had a season ticket but went when he could. He made most matches but didn't throw a toddler tantrum if he couldn't due to work (lots of courses and meetings abroad and weekends away) or a special occasion. In return I never had an issue with him going to match and tried not to book things over match days so he wouldn't be forced to choose.

Similarly very few pro cricket, F1 or pro rugby fans I know have such a cult-like obsession with a team they follow. They seem perfectly able to check the score, track results on line and watch on catch up if pushed.

OKBobble · 08/03/2019 12:15

An optional course which he has decided to opt out of because the mtahc is more of a priority to him - his choice.

Just because it doesn't match up with her choice (and I understand people don't get team loyalties/obsessions but as an avid follower of a team myself I do). In her shoes there is not NO way or getting there and back but just a less convenient way. If I knew how much it meant to my partner I would suck it up and use the cab.

ilovesooty · 08/03/2019 12:20

Exactly. The OP hasn't been abandoned without possibilities. He could drop her early and she could get a taxi back.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 08/03/2019 12:35

I am genuinely amazed that so many people would be cool with being let down like this. I wouldn't dream of doing it to my husband, or vice versa.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 08/03/2019 12:37

If this were my DHs football team I'd be more than happy for him to go, it's not just "a game" or "a hobby"

Sulla · 08/03/2019 12:54

It is just a game! Glad no one I know is is a football fan. They do e across as very selfish.

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2019 12:57

So he is the lower earner. This course is to help the OP do her job so not optional. He's paid for him to go on the course too.

And he wants to ditch it (And the OP) to watch 22 over paid men kick a ball sround a pitch? And its only 'historic' (fgs) because the owners have been ousted.

She is absolutely not BU. Good job there's one adult in the relationship.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 08/03/2019 13:40

@Sulla it really isn't m, but as has been said before unless you have a team you're passionate about you wouldn't understand

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/03/2019 14:56

But its not about whether she can get herself there and back or not, its about honouring a commitment already made.

Or am I the only person who thinks that when one commits to something they should see it through regardless of anything but a genuine emergency?! In my world it is not acceptable to change a long standing agreement in order to pursue a hobby.

TheChippendenSpook · 08/03/2019 14:59

I'd like to know if he is going tomorrow as THAT'S the first home game for the fans.

Like people have said though there are options available so the OP can go on her course and he can go on Tuesday.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/03/2019 15:00

it's not just "a game" or "a hobby"

It absolutely is. And every fan I know will concede that point, despite how important it is to them.

Anyone who actually believes the old line of "Its not life or death, its much more important than that" is a fucking idiot and a selfish one at that.

gt84 · 08/03/2019 15:21

But he is honouring the commitment.
He said he will go to the course with her didn’t he? He would just rather go to the match

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 08/03/2019 16:40

@PyongyangKipperbang you'd hate it in my house, we arrange everything around the fixture list.

Drogosnextwife · 08/03/2019 16:48

Aw god it really pisses me off that people take football, a pointless fucking game, and place it as a priority over everything else! It's a game, it has no importance in actual real life. YANBU OP

Drogosnextwife · 08/03/2019 16:57

If this were my DHs football team I'd be more than happy for him to go, it's not just "a game" or "a hobby"

Someone has either been brainwashed to believe this, or is one of the people that believe watching other people kick a ball around a grassy area into a net, to see who can do it the most, is more important than anything else in life. It's sad.

10IAR · 08/03/2019 17:01

As I said, non football fans aren't going to get it.”

I'm a die hard football fan and I think he was out of line to renege on a deal.

dancerdog · 08/03/2019 17:42

10IAR
Spotted your name and had to wave....