To think parenting is mostly thankless

[crumpetsandacuppa]

Have only child who I love to death. Generally well behaved but at times tiring and demanding and whingy! Very happy with the one but also considering another but can't help but feel parenting is a largely thankless 'task'. AIBU to feel this way and to let this dictate whether I have a second child or not?

Some once said to me that you can’t thank or pay back parents but you pay it forward to your own children.

From whom are you expecting thanks?

Some once said to me that you can’t thank or pay back parents but you pay it forward to your own children

I don't agree - of course you can thank them, once you're old enough to appreciate what they've done for you (assuming they were good parents to you) and all being well, you can repay them when they are getting older, by treating them to things and looking after them. But it's the sort of thing you need an adult perspective to appreciate properly.

Who do you want to thank you? Having children is optional you know!

For those of you who are saying who do you want to thank you - I'm not sure you know the complete meaning of "thankless"?!

@Jackshouse; I like that. I think it’s a totally thankless task, but our children do appreciate it deep down and long after. I didn’t appreciate my own parents until I had my own. I get them much more now that my own kids are teens. I think we all understand too late- but as parents we get it because that’s what we were like with our own parents!

What age is your DC? Toddler parenting could be a drudge at times, for sure.

Are you parenting with a partner who pulls their weight? I know a few people with one DC primarily because their partner was a lazy arse.

I think sometimes it feels thankless, but the cuddles and bright smiles you get more than make up for it IMO.

Perhaps that will change when they've grown out of cuddles (hopefully never)?

Parenting isn’t thankless - step parenting feels like it is atm.

I find that it can feel like that but a laugh or cuddle makes it all worth it

You’re right - toddlers and very young kids are just too young to really understand or appreciate though.
I’ve got a 3yo and a 2yo, and spend all day every day busting my proverbial balls to make sure they have everything they need, (and get very little sleep at night thanks to the 2yo) and they have absolutely zero fucks to give. Not because they are ungrateful arseholes, but because they are just too young to understand how much work goes into every day life for the average mum!

If you thank them ( when they finish their meals, play nicely, hand you something when asked, anything agreeable really), they'll automatically start thanking you because you've taught them . It's nice to hear because I totally agree, it feels thankless sometimes!

YABU - it is hard work sometimes and it’s relentless, but every smile, laugh, cuddle etc...it all makes it more than worth it and therefore it is not thankless.

I’m guessing your child is young OP

Mine are 5 and 8. And parenting then is definitely not a “thankless” task

Parenting is tough. I wouldn't have another one!

It is largely. Like a form of self-flagellation, which is why I stuck at one.
If you want appreciation, get a dog.

Yep it's thankless. And never gets better.

Yes we’ve stuck with one as we don’t want parenting to become our sole ‘job’ as it were. One allows you to love and get joy from your child with time for your own life too

Sorry for you. Parenting is by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done., and that's up against a career I really love and various other adventures.

I find parenting my toddler a bit of a drudge sometimes but his very existence makes my heart fit to burst with happiness so no, I don’t think it’s thankless.

How do you feel towards your own parents?(If fortunate to still have either of them). Do you tell them that you are grateful for all they did for you?

Yep, mostly drudge, but my kid is good, so I consider it worthwhile. Not having another one, though.

Jackshouse

That is a lovely thought.

Nah I get alot back from my kids, it's being a wife I find thankless!

They didn’t ask to be born.....Why do you want them to thank you?

I miss my lovely little DC who used to hold my hand and tell me they loved me- now they just grunt, demand and shout. If you don’t know the meaning of thankless just wait until you have a teen!

Have you had a pancake day disaster, OP? Because I largely agree with others that parenting is joyful and rewarding and that the affection and general cuteness of my children goes a long way towards balancing out the harder times. But Lord help me if I didn’t just want to walk out of the house when I tried to make pancakes while the baby screamed, one over-tired three year old threw himself on the floor crying because I said he couldn’t watch television and the other three year old repeated, ‘Will you cut my pancake, Daddy?’ like a broken record.