This is a also a bit of a WWYD / rant but I am so annoyed with my DH boss (and his daughter for other reasons) and stressed and not sure what to do so would appreciate advice.
I’m off work on mat leave. My baby girl was still born at full term less than a month ago.i was already on mat leave when it happened as we found out she had died the day before my due date.
My DH is back at work as his boss is a tw*t. We both work in the same profession. I work in a national firm and they have proper HR and procedures so I’m not under pressure to go back. DH works in a smaller firm where there’s less support and he often feels his job is not secure.
After we lost our baby girl, DH boss texted him and said take all the time you need. But DH felt he wouldn’t be able to take more than 2 weeks paternity leave (on statutory pay). My DH has assumed based on boss’s text he’d be paid but I suggested probably not if he was not going to pay pat pay anyway.
Towards end of second week DH called work and spoke to office manager who often acts kind of as HR (it’s a small place) to gauge when they want him back etc and they started asking questions about some of his work. So he agreed to go in for an afternoon. Anyway it ended up that he was basically back at work after his two weeks but just doing afternoons / half days. That was last week. On his first day back he said they made it clear he’s expected back this week full time. DH isn’t ready for work and TBH I’m not ready to be home alone without him but I know that’s not reason for him to stay home. DH told his boss last week he’s struggling with work (we both thought it better he speak to his boss rather than just turn up with a sick note) and his boss told him to “man up” and said he “needs more steel”.
Today DH went to GP (about something else) and started talking about the baby, was in tears, and GP have given him a sick note for 4 weeks. DH thinks if he used it his boss will lose all respect for him so doesn’t want to. DH seems to think his boss has no respect for him anyway. Basically he thinks that will be the end of his job but he has often thought this anyway as he seems to be hanging on the whims of this guy he works for.
The difficulty is more so because we are supposed to be buying a new house in a few weeks. We have a mortgage now but it’s more manageable than the new one would be.
We both earn similar and could manage the mortgage on one salary. But I will only get full pay for 13 weeks and then half pay for 13 weeks (then statutory). At this point, we haven’t even had the funeral yet, I don’t know whether I’ll bw ready to go back within 13 weeks and we need to assume I might not. So DH worry is one of us would need to be working after 13 weeks and if he does lose his job there’s no guarantee how quickly he’d get one. Having said that I could plan to go back after 13 weeks and if I couldn’t manage then maybe I could go on sick and would get full pay.
The other thing is the house needs everything doing including bathroom, kitchen, electrics, decorating... so if we managed on one salary we’d pay the mortgage and bills but we wouldn’t be able to do much to the house and I didn’t really want to live in it as is for months and months but realise we might have to.
We’ve exchanged on the sale of our house so we can’t just stay here. There a chance our buyer would agree to wait longer if we explained the circumstances but realistically maybe only a month (they already agreed to wait as there was a problem with our purchase and I think they waited as they knew we were having a baby and we were going to have to rent). We haven’t exchanged on the purchase yet but are supposed to be signing docs on Thursday so we feel we need to make a decision.
I just don’t really know what to do for the best. I’ve just lost my baby. I don’t want to lose the house as well - I should mention we consider this our dream house (within our budget) and something of a miracle as we lost or on another house in the same area last year and we were very lucky that a house went up for sale two doors down at Christmas but I don’t think that would happen again. BUT our health etc is more important and if my husband isn’t ready to work then I don’t want him to feel he has to.
Oh as for his daughter... DH boss daughter works in the same profession and works for a firm where a few of my ex-colleagues work. I have never met her and DH has met her twice. She is very indiscreet. First she told DH when I met him I had applied for a job at her place. Not even true. Second, DH told his boss about my 12 week scan as he needed the morning off. He obviously told his DD and she told her colleagues (who know me and other people I work with) so the message got back to friends I work with before I’d had chance to to tell them. I didn’t tell them before 12 weeks as many people dont. His daughter has since told his colleagues that we lost our daughter... So DH tells his boss these personal things because he needs to and then he tells his daughter and she goes and gossips about it. I’ve never met her but it annoys me.
Anyway I’m just stressed. We need to make a decision about the house. The house isn’t the most important thing, we know that now especially after what we have already lost, but honestly I don’t want to lose the house as well.
If nothing else I think it was going to be a good thing to have a change of scenery and something else to focus on in the coming months and to keep us busy.