To ask for a reasonable explanation

[notsosunnyhols]

Why would dh need to contact his female boss while on a family holiday then delete all the messages (but forget to delete the actual conversation)? I wasn't snooping - I went to whatsapp a photo to myself

How about just being honest with him, saying that you've seen that he's been talking to his boss on whatsapp and have deleted the messages. Ask him to tell you what it was about and ask him why he deleted the messages.

All you'll get from here is speculation

@randomchap yes I think that's probably a good course of action

I hope there is a reasonable explanation.

It is a different scenario, but when my DP changed the password to his phone and became secretive, I thought he was cheating...or anything sinister! He wasn't, he was planning a huge proposal! His phone had plans and photos on it that would have given surprise away.

My point is there may be (hopefully) a perfecrly reasonable explanation.

@randomchap well I did ask him and he didn't give any explanation at all. I asked if it was work related and he said probably, to which I asked if he was getting paid for it for working during annual leave to which he said it must not have been work related then but he couldn't remember what it was. I then asked why the messages were deleted - again no explanation other than that I shouldn't have been going through his phone. I explained why I was in his phone and he didn't say anything. I said that I think they are too close and he should cool it before it goes too far. He's away downstairs (cleaning the kitchen) and I'll probably see him in the morning, when he may or may not bring it up.

(PS the lead into the conversation was when he was showing me a video on his phone and a message from her popped up)

Did you manage to read what the message from her when it popped up?

It was a reply to him - he said it was about holidays

Oh and that he was arranging a lift for work with her (they began car sharing out the blue about a year ago)

Dodgy!

@Whisky2014 the car sharing or the messages or all of it?

Hmm well I was part of an affair and we started car sharing.
So all of it.
He says he can't remember if the messaged were about holiday or work yet you know he had been messaging the night before. So how can he forget so soon?

A long time ago, in my early immature 20s, I cheated on my long-term boyfriend with a guy I went to uni with. To avoid being caught, I deleted all text/facebook/email correspondence between myself and the other guy.
Bottom line: When you’ve got something to hide, you cover your tracks.

So he's forgotten about what all the conversations with her were about? I wouldn't believe that for a minute, he was being so evasive.

Long time lurker, but had to reply as I read something the other day that said if you uninstall WhatsApp and then reinstall it, the deleted msgs come back....although getting hold of his phone may be tricky now!
I hope it’s innocent

www.express.co.uk/life-style/science-technology/1078437/whatsapp-deleted-message-how-to-read-deleted-message-restore-whatsapp-message/amp

@notsosunnyhols

I'm sorry that there isn't with an innocent reason for his behaviour. It does look extremely suspicious. If there were reasonable explanations for deleting the messages he should have told you.

I'm sure there's plenty of people on here who've been in a similar situation who may be able to advise further. I haven't so am not sure on your best course of action.

@Earthlingshlaag I will definitely try that, though not sure I will get a hold of his phone now. I still can't picture him having an affair even though if I was reading someone else's post I'd be screaming at them that it's dodgy.

He is up to something and it includes his boss! No one forgets what they were talking about from messages the night before. He is being dodgy for a reason. I hope you get it figured out.

Now it suddenly is work related but he didn't want to tell me he was worrying about it and doesn't remember me asking him about work on holiday.

I find it sad that you can't just sit down and have a conversation about this (or anything else that upsets you) with your dh. Having to repeatedly bring it up only to get vague answers must be incredibly frustrating.

Even if nothing is happening with his boss the way he is treating you is unacceptable. Convincing you never to question him in order not to be a 'nag'. Keeping secrets from you and basically doing what he likes and then making you feel guilty for daring to question him, these are not the actions of someone who loves and respects you.

Seriously, how long can you go on like this?