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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to our dream house

44 replies

Aimadre · 05/03/2019 08:24

Major first world problem I know but bear with me!

Our dream home has just come on the market - a villa style with big garden, roof terrace, balconies, garden and a swimming pool (we live somewhere warmer than UK :) ). A bit pricey but within our budget.

The issue...
Our DS is 6 months old. He’s going to be crawling and then toddling really soon. I know some children are less adventurous than others, and there are precautions we can take, but I have been having nightmares about his safety. I can’t help but worry that we’d spend all our time in this house stressing about him falling off something or into the pool. I know other people with children live in houses like this - do they just worry less? My DH doesn’t really get my concerns.

AIBU to turn this house down and look for a nice bungalow?

OP posts:

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 05/03/2019 08:38

You could put locked fencing around the swimming pool. That's what people do in countries like Australia.

Ohyesiam · 05/03/2019 08:40

Put railings round the pool.

Hittapotamus · 05/03/2019 08:40

Fence it in! Lots of people do it

mynameiscalypso · 05/03/2019 08:43

Definitely fence it. I think it's a legal requirement in some countries (France I know has some laws about this after a politician's child drowned).

ElspethFlashman · 05/03/2019 08:51

Just fence the pool! And the rest is easy enough. Stair gates here and there, and locking spare bedrooms and locking french doors.

We don't have a pool or balconies but we still have a stair gate at the top of the stairs and have unused bedrooms (we have 5) locked. We keep the keys on the top of the door rail for easy access. We keep the utility room door and French doors locked whilst the kids are inside as we have a big tempting garden and the front gate is open a lot of the time and it's a busy road.

Honestly people have to take precautions in every house, so I'm not sure if fencing a pool is gonna be that much extra effort.

MidniteScribbler · 05/03/2019 08:54

It's law in Australia to fence the pool. When DS was young I'd sit outside while he played in the yard and it was drilled into him not to go into the pool area without me. He's never tried to access the pool.

MariaNovella · 05/03/2019 08:55

You are right to be worried for your DC’s safety and you would need to take a lot of precautions while he is little - fence in the pool, stair gates etc.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 05/03/2019 09:02

We moved to a very dc unfriendly house when ds was 7 months - renting so can't be too fussy!
I won't lie the baby gate issue was a bind! Gates on each room instead of stairs.
Fast forward to him being 3-and it goes quick - and he was fine around the house +all stairs (4 flights including spiral ones without rails!)
He won't be a baby for too long op - go for the house. Ask your neighbours how they safe guarded their dc.

IncrediblySadToo · 05/03/2019 09:04

How often do affordable dream homes come up?

Do you plan on having any more DC?

IHateUncleJamie · 05/03/2019 09:07

Honestly people have to take precautions in every house, so I'm not sure if fencing a pool is gonna be that much extra effort.

Exactly. The house sounds amazing! And unless every single room in the house is impossible to baby-proof (like those open stairs with gaps and no bannisters whatsoever) then you’ll have stairgates, child locks and so-on anyway so if all that needs doing is fencing off the pool, I’d go for it.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 05/03/2019 09:11

The pool isn’t an issue, just fence it off (although they are a pain in the arse to maintain). But the balconies etc may be an issue unless you are ok not to open windows/doors?

recklessgran · 05/03/2019 09:11

I'd go for it OP. You and your DS will adapt and at least you are aware of the potential dangers - as others have said - fence off the pool which is the worst of the problems covered.Otherwise, understand that there is danger for a small child in even the humblest home. Awareness is key.

GiantButtonsAreMyFave · 05/03/2019 09:12

You sound very sensible to be worried but like others have pointed out there are steps you can take to keep your baby safe. Fencing the pool off is a major one, I’d also be inclined to get them swimming lessons for babies too just in case (the ones where they are taught to roll onto their backs and float). The rest baby gates and locked doors can take care of. I’d go for it with some major baby proofing.

amyboo · 05/03/2019 09:20

Fence in the pool, put a lock on it and you'll be OK. My Mum lives in France and she had her pool fenced in just after my first child was born. My kids have never had any problems with it. The gate is always kept locked, and the key is kept high enough up to deter small people. Kids know they're not allowed in the pool unless an adult is in with them (for the smaller ones) or supervising (for the older ones). We also put them in swimming lessons as soon as we possibly could and the two youngest are already good swimmers.... For the balconies, you can get some mesh stuff that you fix onto them to stop babies or toys and things falling through the bars. I live in a big EU city where tons of people have balconies, and lots seem to use the mesh stuff (it's also good for privacy): www.amazon.co.uk/Balcony-Privacy-Protective-Screens/b?node=4661606031&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/03/2019 09:24

The house sounds amazing and if it is your dream house it would be a shame not to go for it. Now, I don't know many toddlers that just go out side on their own so as long as you maybe fence the pool off and obviously don't let him out unsupervised then I can't see a problem. If thats your dream house, then living in a bungalow is really not going to cut the mustard.

anniehm · 05/03/2019 09:25

Fence it, we lived in all manner of dodgy rentals and kept them safe

RosieEffect · 05/03/2019 09:28

My friend researched pool safety when buying a home and resident children are far less likely to have an accident or drown than visiting children, who aren't brought up with pool safety rules/knowing how to swim. This isn't true for babies/toddlers of course and you would still need to take precautions. Fencing is a must. I've also seen where you can put alarm bracelets on if children are playing outside that will activate a siren if they get wet. You should still supervise but it might be helpful if keeping an eye on multiple children.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/03/2019 09:32

Fence the pool area, ensure the balconies are safe and the roof terrace.

If you are in Australia then it's a legal requirement to have your pool fenced and with a proper pool gate anyway - you're supposed to register your pool and it could be inspected. Whether it's inspected or not, it makes sense to do it anyway just for peace of mind.

Balconies/roof terraces - make sure they are securely fenced, with something the child can neither climb over, under or through.
Make sure as well that there is no furniture out there that the child can push up to the fence.

Just do it. It's your dream home - you can make it safe.

Singlenotsingle · 05/03/2019 09:32

Snap that house up and put in safety measures when you're in. If you don't want it, I'll have it!

MyNewtMyFrogMyLittleRedDog · 05/03/2019 09:34

Another vote for go for the house. I have a 3 storey house with a roof terrace on the top floor. I have 4 kids and three small (age 0-60 nephews that visit regularly. The roof terrace door is kept locked and the key is on a hook 6 foot from the floor. I have also put locks on each door to keep some areas out of bounds to small visitors . My friend has a very similar house and has 4 kids between 1-9 and has never had a single incident with the roof terrace, she just followed my advice and kept it locked. In the summer I have a 14ft pool set up in the garden, we have never had an issue with that either. The rear doors are locked and the key kept out of reach of children.

As others have said, we ALL have to make alterations in terms of safety for toddlers. It will be fine providing you address all of the issues and keep keys out of reach, fence the pool off etc.

SparklingTwilight · 05/03/2019 09:34

No, I don't think they worry less. You just have to have rules, like no going on the balcony without an adult present at all times. Making sure there's nothing they can climb on, taking him in if you go to the toilet etc. Fencing the pool off. He's only a baby now.

Smileymoon · 05/03/2019 09:34

I wouldn't risk it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/03/2019 09:36

As an aside - when I had DS1 in the UK, I lived in a house that was 3 storeys high, and had no banisters on the stairs between the ground and first floors. No newel post either - this meant no stair gate at the bottom of the stairs (although there was one at the top). I had a stair gate at the top of the stairs, but not at the bottom - it was just impossible to get one in there. So once DS1 started to crawl, he had to be taught to stay away from the stairs (which he did) and then he had to be taught how to go up and down the stairs safely (which he did). I'm not saying an accident could never have happened - but it didn't.

SO as well as putting in safety precautions, you do need to teach your baby how to behave safely around potential dangers (they can learn, although not all do)

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/03/2019 09:37

I would have less concerns about keeping a toddler safe than teenagers.
We have recently bought and at our price range and location 75% of the houses had pools. I have a 15 year old and my huge concern was older, teenagers, alcohol and swimming pools. None of us are big swimmers and as such I would not consider any of these houses no matter how perfect they would be. If this is your forever home I would encourage you to consider how you would police older teenagers.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/03/2019 09:37

Put a lockable fence around it. AFAIK it's compulsory in Singapore too - relatives there have always had a fence around theirs.

As a bonus, if you have a pool so handy, and get your dc used to it early and often, he will effortlessly learn to swim very early on.

We had a very handy pool when mine were very small - living on construction camps in deserts - so there was very little else to do and they were both supremely confident in the water - and underwater - albeit doggy paddle or a sort of underwater tadpole wriggle, almost before they were out of nappies.
Proper strokes came a lot later, once they were old enough to understand and cooperate - both have always been excellent swimmers.

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