To say no to our dream house

[Aimadre]

Major first world problem I know but bear with me!

Our dream home has just come on the market - a villa style with big garden, roof terrace, balconies, garden and a swimming pool (we live somewhere warmer than UK :) ). A bit pricey but within our budget.

The issue...
Our DS is 6 months old. He’s going to be crawling and then toddling really soon. I know some children are less adventurous than others, and there are precautions we can take, but I have been having nightmares about his safety. I can’t help but worry that we’d spend all our time in this house stressing about him falling off something or into the pool. I know other people with children live in houses like this - do they just worry less? My DH doesn’t really get my concerns.

AIBU to turn this house down and look for a nice bungalow?

I wouldn’t live in the house with a baby that could crawl until the pool was fenced (securely) , apart from that it sounds fine. Lock balcony doors , mesh, baby gates etc.

As an alternative to fencing you can buy an rigid automatic pool cover that you operate with a remote control.

I am baffled why this is even an issue, when the answer is so blindingly simple and well established.

Was "fence it in" really such a devilish conundrum to resolve for this dream house?

We have a pool and young DCs. It is fenced in and has a safety cover for the winter (yam adult can actually walk on the cover and not fall in - we tested it!). I think it’s a manageable risk. It also helps get DCs used to water and swimming.

The balcony should have appropriate railing, I.e. high and of a kind that children cannot climb up on. You can also add a mesh so that toys etc are not thrown down. Finally you can also lock the door to the balcony and only allow supervised access. Very manageable risk and millions of kids live safely in apartments with balconies.

I don't know. I can see that most posters would feel confident that they could keep the house toddler proof. And that might be true for them. But I think that if there are loads of hazards above and beyond the usual load that people need to remember it could get difficult.

But then, I'm a bit of a day dreamer, I'm not sure how long it would be before I mindlessly left a key too low or a gate unlocked. Or how long till I forgot to remind other people in the house to do the same.

I think it's the balconies that make me feel most nervous.

Anyway, I can see why others would be ok with this and why, if you're anything like me, you are considering its viability.

The balcony should have appropriate railing, I.e. high

But also, you'd have to make sure there was nothing that you could drag to the balcony to traverse it, like a chair.

like a chair

Or bulky toy or a sibling.

my DSis has a pool. She put fencing up. extra locks on back door etc.

its called childproofing

He'll be a toddler for what seems like minutes. Your dream house is forever.
As others have said, fence it.

A pool is my nightmare. In the US (where I’m from) you hear so much about guns but actually way more children die in home swimming pool accidents than from guns. There is all kinds of “foolproof” fencing but that’s assuming zero capacity for human error. There’s also the teenager factor, when they’re old enough to open the gate and let their friends in to swim and drink when you’re not home but not old enough to realize it’s a stupid idea.

I know the vast majority of kids who live in homes with pools are completely fine. It’s just one of those things I personally wouldn’t do because it would make me too anxious (and I’m not normally an anxious person.)

Aimadre go for it. Time flies and your baby is growing by the day. Dream houses are so hard to find.

Despite Australia insisting on gated off pools drowning in swimming pools is one of the leading causes of death in children under 5 there.

And this is because childproofing is not a panacea for human error.

We lived abroad in a house with a pool when DCs were toddlers / early primary age. We fenced it in, and used a padlock on the gate. It was fine (It was lovely! How I miss that house and our daily swims). I did worry, and I did research safety. We didn't, for example, use pool covers in winter because getting trapped under these if a child did find a way to get in to the pool is a big risk. You can also buy safety sensors that will set off an alarm if something falls in to the pool, and alarms for pool gates - we didn't go down this route, but there are lots of safety options out there.

I have seen swimming lessons for babies, not like our baby classes but they learn to float on their backs.

Thanks for all the replies and tips!

I think it’s partly coming from the UK where almost no one has a swimming pool in the garden so it just seems like a giant dangerous hole in the ground! Fencing is not a legal requirement where we live but it would definitely be necessary. However I still have visions of a tiny tot scaling the fence...

Aside from the pool, balconies and terrace, there are a LOT of stairs - including a steep flight of 10 stone steps up to the front door.

I know that all this is manageable, it just seems like a LOT - netting, fencing, locking, gating - and then having to ensure all these are secure, particularly when families and friends visit. I think as we also live in a one-floor apartment just now it’s a bit to get our heads around.

I’ll update on what we decide!

And this is because childproofing is not a panacea for human error.

Absolutely, which is why teaching DS that the pool was an absolute no go zone from day 1 was just one part of keeping him safe. I set myself up with a chair between his play area and the pool where I would sit and work on my laptop whilst he was playing outside. The patio doors that led to the outside had bolts installed at the top. Pool fence with a secure latch, and nothing close enough to climb onto.

He's 7 now, has never once tried to get into the pool area without me with him, and is turning into a strong swimmer, so I'm ok with trusting him to play outside on his own now. If any other children visit, then I'm back to constant vigilance when they are at the house.

We always had pools when we lived abroad. They were gated and we literally never had an issue.

Think of all the houses in the UK which open up onto busy roads. You don’t really think about the danger of someone forgetting to lock the front door and yet it’s pretty dangerous if you think about it.

We loved having pools. We used them all the time and never got bored of them. They are great for socializing too. The kids used to come home from school and start stripping as they walked through the door ready to put their swimming togs on.

It’s a different hazard but we have a door directly from the house into the garage. The garage is totally and utterly dangerous for a toddler (it could practically be a hazard perception test!) think everything from welding gear to sharp tools and washing tablets. So, the door is locked and the key is kept on a hook at the top of the door frame, locking it is now second nature. We also taught DS once he was walking that he was only allowed in there holding an adults hand, so for example if he comes to help me load the washing machine he walks through the garage to the machine holding my hand, no deviation from that ever. I was putting washing on a while ago and thought DS was with DH when I heard the door push open, when I realised it was DS in the doorway I rushed towards him but he stood on the house side of the doorway and said ‘mummy, hand’. So I do think a combination of safety equipment, safe behaviour and teaching them safe behaviour works. I’d take a similar approach with a pool, high fence, key out of reach but visible and easily accessible to an adult should you need it and teaching the child that they do not under any circumstances go in there without you. Balconies and roof terraces are a bit trickier, I’d be tempted to just keep the door locked to it unless you were out there with them.