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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About being raped and Google

27 replies

BejamNostalgia · 05/03/2019 04:58

I was raped about 5 years ago. I suspect I may have been drugged but I’m not certain. The man who did it sent me a message afterwards basically admitting he had raped me and that I was near enough unconscious when it happened. In his words, he ‘dragged me up the stairs’.

I was so traumatised at the time I just deleted the emaills where he admitted to raping me. He said something like ‘I didn’t care, I just dragged you upstairs you were barely conscious and that was what I wanted’.

Some ‘friends’ of mine were there at the time but blamed the whole situation on me.

It’s taken me a long time to get into the headspace to be able to do confront this. Google initially told me that they cannot restore the emails. But surely if it’s someone admitting they’ve raped someone, they should share it?

It’s deleted from my mailbox, but surely not their server, right? I tried once years ago to get the mail where he admitted it back, but Google were unhelpful. I just want to get his emails back so I can prove he did it and then have some peace.

OP posts:
Original poster
BejamNostalgia · 05/03/2019 05:01

Oh, a number of people saw him dragging me up the stairs unconscious to assault me but apparently that’s all my fault too!

OP posts:
SuchAToDo · 05/03/2019 05:10

I would just give your phone, computer or whatever device you received the messages on.to the police, they have technology where they can see any that was previously messages viewed and deleted...

SuchAToDo · 05/03/2019 05:11

*any messages that was previously viewed and deleted

StevieHuckle · 05/03/2019 05:11

No chance of getting email back. Only recently they started saveing up to a years worth from their servers. 5 years ago forget it!

araiwa · 05/03/2019 05:14

Thats the job of the police

EmiliaAirheart · 05/03/2019 05:15

I don't know about the tech side of things, but had to stop by to say your so-called friends are unbelievably callous fuckers. It was in no way your fault at all; all blame lies with the bastard who chose to attack you. I hope all of these worthless wastes of space are no longer in your life.

Would you consider making a report to the police - maybe their involvement could help in terms of getting access to the emails, and in punishing him (or at least making him fear facing the consequences of his actions)?

Original poster
BejamNostalgia · 05/03/2019 05:16

such, it was about 4 years ago. Sorry, should have been clearer.

OP posts:
Original poster
BejamNostalgia · 05/03/2019 05:19

Thats the job of the police

I’m not prepared to go on a he/said she/said basis.

I’d need to get the emails back. Maybe I should contact google?

OP posts:
RustyShackleford · 05/03/2019 05:24

No, you should not contact google. Go to the police, this has nothing to do with google.

wombat1a · 05/03/2019 05:26

V V V unlikely they have copies, imagine how many emails gmail handles a day, now imagine keeping a copy of every single one for up to say four years. Then think of a way of even making that amount of data searchable (which is what google does extremely well) for a specific item.... Just the cost alone in keeping those emails around would probably be too much for Google to handle.

If they say it's gone then it's gone. If you did not save a copy on your phone/laptop/whatever then there is not much point giving it to the police either. While a deleted email make hang around on the disk for a bit it will pretty soon be overwritten. Sorry

StevieHuckle · 05/03/2019 05:27

Pointless its a years worth they've begen saving FOR THE POLICE for warrants and requests etc. 4 years long gone, 2 years long gone even.

Ftryoh · 05/03/2019 05:45

Your best bet would be to go to the police, tell them about the email as he may not of deleted his from his sent folder.
As others have said thr Google route is unlikely.

INeedNewShoes · 05/03/2019 05:46

If you were to report this to the police I imagine they would sieze the offender's computer. If he was stupid enough in the first place to send the email he may be stupid enough not to have deleted it from his email account.

I'm so sorry you've been through such a terrible event.

HoppingPavlova · 05/03/2019 05:51

It’s deleted from my mailbox, but surely not their server, right?

I’m really sorry, i dont think Google is being obstructive in this instance. I really doubt that they have backed up mail from 4 years ago on their servers. I really don’t think there would be anything for them to retrieve at this point. Again, really sorry, this must be devastating.

I think your best bet is the the police who will be able to advise on the feasibility of their tech being able to retrieve mail deleted that long ago.

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 06:09

Cid will get the messages back

januaryfirst · 05/03/2019 06:32

I don't think google will still have them op!

The police will be more helpful Thanks

deydododatdodontdeydo · 05/03/2019 06:42

Have you purged your deleted folder?
If so, they will likely be gone.
If you replied to any, they may be in your sent folder, included in your reply.

LeslieYep · 05/03/2019 07:11

Sadly I have to agree with PP's. This is my area.
Emails are tough to get as they are mostly stored on the server at Google.
This isn't a job for Google or you.

You report it to the police and the police investigate. The police will seize any evidence that they deem necessary and pass it on to us for investigation.

Deleted data doesn't hang around. The area is marked as useable and while in this state can be recovered, but given the amount of data that has been saved since, it has almost certainly been overwritten. Whether that's on your phone, pc, laptop or Google servers.
It serves no purpose to hold on to deleted data as far as hard drives are concerned.

The accused may have his phone seized and interrogated. If it's an iPhone old backups mean you can obtain data that is years old. I've just been to court for a phone examined in 2016 and it held data from 2010 on it thanks to backups.
He may have sent SMS or chats to people discussing the incident which are more likely retrievable than emails.

Sorry to hear what you have gone through and I certainly hope you have found better friends.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/03/2019 07:15

The internet (and Google itself) is very hazy about what the chances are of the emails being stored after deletion and for what period of time:

" Please be aware, residual copies of deleted messages and accounts may take up to 60 days to be deleted from our active servers and may remain in our backup systems."

However, they are pretty clear that once you permanently delete an email, you yourself can't recover it. I think your only hope is to involve the police, I'm afraid.

Annabk · 05/03/2019 07:27

OP I don’t know about email storage but wanted to say I’m so sorry you’ve been put through this Flowers
Hope you are getting some support IRL to talk it over. What your ‘friends’ did in condoning the rape was definitely not normal.

ReaganSomerset · 05/03/2019 07:31

Tell the police, OP. At the very least, knowing he is being investigated will make him sweat a bit and cost him some sleepless nights.

ginswinger · 05/03/2019 07:46

Go to the Police. It's possibly you are not the only victim of this person and if they have your allegation on file, it may strengthen someone else's claim.

Then please get some counselling. This is far too great an experience to cope with on your own and you need help in dealing with the ramifications. It's not your fault and you have had something happen to you that ought to to have happened. Be smart and forgive yourself because you have done nothing wrong.

TheSerenDipitY · 05/03/2019 07:49

contact google and ask for a download of all your data, i think they have to give you a download if requested, you can look for yourself if it is there

TheSerenDipitY · 05/03/2019 07:51

it also my still be in his own email, so going to the police is a very good idea also as they can get a warrant for both his and your stored data
very sorry this has happened to you

Smelborp · 05/03/2019 08:14

I think his email sent folder is the best chance of recovering this so you need the police. I’m sorry this happened to you Flowers

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