AIBU and a shit friend, or is she BU and a shit friend?

[Februaryblooms]

I've got a friend I don't see in RL due to us now living a long way apart, but we do chat often on Facebook.

The problem is she's extremely high volume with contact. I care about her of course, but she's very needy.

she spends alot of the time we talk moaning about others or complaining about how tired she is (we are both pregnant, I'm 33 weeks and she is 8) and whilst I obviously can obviously empathise I don't want to be chatting about it every day listening to a rundown of what she's had for eat today or partaking in "bitching" sessions about people who have done me no wrong.

I've been hugely supportive toward her for the past 18 months as she's been TTC and battling some insecurity issues regarding her partners ex, which she does tell me she appreciates so it's not as though I haven't been a good friend and counselled her to the detriment of my own free time, constantly.

I do find the volume of contact suffocating as I'm an introvert who enjoys peace and don't like being at people's beck and call with my phone pinging all day every day.

I did put my feelings secondary to her desire to chat daily which was my first mistake as now i feel as though it's now expected of me.

I've decided to put my self first (for once - a rarity for me) and stop responding straight away sometimes leaving a day or so between replies and not opening the messages as soon as they arrive, I've told her previously that sometimes I like to enjoy my own peace and quiet and stay off my phone to enjoy family time so it's not as though she'd be inclined to assume I'm being off with her personally.

Shortly after me implementing the change she has started posting quotes about "so called friends" acting differently and changing when something new is coming (I presume she's referring to unborn DD who's almost due) then some catty memes about cutting people off when they start acting differently which I assume are directed towards myself due to the timing.

Am I being unreasonable or paranoid to think she's acting like a bit of a tit?

I've spent 18 months being there for her and listening to her every thought, rant, concern, headache, insecurity issues, jealousy, struggles of being a step mum, when her partner gets on her nerves.

Not once have I ever offloaded anything or my own onto her, not that there hasn't been alot of crap going on behind the scenes on my end.

Surely I'm entitled to unwind and relax a bit in the last stretch of my own pregnancy or does slowing down the volume of contact make me a shit friend?

Yanbu - hide her on Facebook and phase out too many phone calls

Take this opportunity to get rid of her. She’s a brain drain

I was going to post about a similar friend. When we first met she was going through a rough time, but now I realise its always a rough time no matter what. I came to the end of my rope with her when she rang me gasping and wailing unable to speak. I thought someone had died, but no it was another drama at work which was sorted the next day. I feel really resentful that she takes up so much time talking about herself and its always doom and gloom. I think I have to kick her to the kerb and I suggest you do the same. Passive aggressive crap on facebook you can do without.

Continue reducing contact and perhaps when you do speak can you change the subject from her whining - even if it’s done bluntly, if that doesn’t work cut the conversation short.
I think some people don’t realise they are doing this. Obviously it’s not your job to change her, but at least you might make her aware of it.

You could post on these memes and say 'you okay hun?' then pm her to say you've noticed she doesn't seem to be in a good place at the moment. Say you wish you could be there to support her through this more but that you have so much else going on you just don't have any spare capacity. Then wish her the best of luck.

Then quietly unfollow her and space out the contact more if she doesn't take the huff

Thanks for the replies, I've unfollowed her account now so I won't see anything else she posts for a while. I did send her a cheery message back last night saying

"oops sorry just seen this, been really busy getting everything ready for the baby so haven't had much time for social media. Hope you're well and will catch up soon"

She 'liked' the message but didn't respond which is a first for her so she's probably in a mood but I've been polite so there's not much else I can do, or want to do.

I understand why some PP's think I should address the situation head on but she's the type of person to respond negatively to any perceived criticism and it's only likely to fuel more silly quotes and memes.

she's the type of person to respond negatively to any perceived criticism and it's only likely to fuel more silly quotes and memes.

and this is your problem because...?

If you don’t like confrontation just ignore her messages and at some point reply like you have just done with a “ sorry really busy “ type message. And keep doing it, she will soon get fed up of you not being on tap to listen to her whining and will move on to some poor other sod.