To not want a close relationship with MIL?

[Greywalls12]

Fully prepared to be told IABU, but at the moment I don't think I am.
Me and DH see PIL at least once a week, sometimes more. MIL text me a couple of days ago asking how I am (I'm heavily pregnant and struggling quite a bit), very sweet of her and she does tend to text me inbetween us seeing her to see how we are etc. Obviously I replied and said i hope they're both well and looking forward to seeing them for dinner this week.

She then spoke to DH today to say how she wishes I would text her more, and she wants a closer relationship with me.
I don't really want this, I'm happy with how it is at the moment, even seeing them weekly can be a bit much sometimes and it's not something I particularly want to carry on long term. MIL will complain if it's been more than a week between seeing them, sometimes less!
I do get on well with MIL, she is genuinely a lovely person, but I actually see them and speak to PIL more than my own parents and find it a bit much that she complained to DH about it.
DH thinks it's either because she doesn't have a mother-daughter relationship (she only had boys), or because we're having a baby, but she was apparantly never like this for SIL and her children but they do live further away than us and see them much less frequently.

AIBU? Do I stop being miserable and try and have a closer relationship with MIL?

My MIL responded to our news of pregnancy with a text saying she would buy the pram within a few hours. It was very sweet but she also wanted to start email correspondence with me (she was a author hence the emails) and text all the time. I felt like I had my own mum thanks. We found a happy medium where she wrote to me and I replied with photos of the baby and a couple of lines and it worked out fine

YANBU at all. You're not required to love your in-laws. They're not required to love you. If you do; if they do; that's a bonus. But it should never be an expectation. They didn't raise you, they don't have the shared history with you that they did their children and it's unrealistic for either side to expect you'll have a relationship with them on the same terms as that of your own family of origin. It simply doesn't work like that.

You do owe them courtesy, and in most cases, respect on account that they're your partner's parents and your child's grandparents. This will mean spending time in their company and, usually, encouraging them to have a relationship with their grandchildren.

It doesn't extend to exchanging constant texts and frequent meetings on a personal basis between the two of you, unless both parties are comfortable with that arrangement. In these circumstances, it seems that a middle ground in keeping things civil and friendly but not overwhelming or living in each other's pockets, seems best. Familiarity can breed contempt, and it's probably advisable not to let things reach that point in the first place.

There's an old adage springs to mind here: 'relationships are like farts. If you have to force it, it's probably crap!'

I miss my DMiL, she died when her DGCs were 15 and 13 (they are now 29 and 26). She was great and she loved them both to distraction. I'm so sad that she never got to meet her great granddaughters (especially my DGD2 who is the spitting image of her). OP, I would try and keep a good relationship with her as you never know when you might need her, but be prepared to back off if she tries to take over. I miss my DMiL everyday , her son (my ex H) not so much .

Take your time

But lucky that you have a nice mother in law

You are pregnant now so don’t overwhelm yourself. Things will develop naturally

I can understand that she is perhaps being a bit intense, but she's also anxious about the impending arrival and sounds like she is there for you - she could be a godsend once little one arrives, I would have loved a mil who wanted to be involved (mine has visited us perhaps half a dozen times in 20 years of marriage, the only reason we see her usually is visiting the grandparents if we make the effort to beg her to come over, she's been known to have a hair appointment, spray tan, whatever despite a weeks notice and our (used to be) 2 hour drive, and even though we live closer now it's all us making the effort. My kids can't be bothered with her consequently.

My mother in law once sat in my kitchen with her phone in her hand and said "Madison, I don't think I have your mobile number". I replied with "No, I don't believe that you do" and left it at that.

She's pleasant enough but two faced (so perhaps she isn't truly pleasant) and difficult. She's caused problems with her daughter so doesn't see her very often and has a tendency to fall out with family so I'm reluctant to get too involved with her.

I have two sons and the oldest is in a long term relationship. I get on really well with his girlfriend and she often sends me texts and messages through the week and stays at our house quite regularly.

It could be that she wants to provide support for you but doesn't quite know how to go about it, or how top broach the subject of what may be needed. If it were me, I'd be offering to cook and stack the freezer for you, as I remember what a PITA it was to have to even think about cooking with a newborn.

It is possible for a mil to want to help, because she remembers what it was like, as opposed to having any sort of ulterior motive.

People asking week did your DH contact your mother? Yes on occasion, but he has a very good relationship with my father and has made the effort to do so especially when I was working away and DF was made redundant six months before retirement and was feeling at a bit of a loose end, so it can go both ways - they don't text, but that's because it takes DF about half an hour to write one. They aren't natural friends in that they don't have any major shared interests other than me and DS, but I really appreciate the effort made.