...to expect other parents to have ^some^ empathy? Long & Ranty

[LoveAngel]

I'm usually quite a carefree person and don't let what other people think bother me massively, but today I feel like punching a wall (or some smug b*tch's face!) and need to know I'm not on my own...

My 2 and a half yr old is a bit different from most of his peers. He's very very tall (he looks about 4) and talks exceptionally well for his age - however, his height and speech both cause him some problems.
Firstly, people expect him to act in a more mature way because they mistake him for an older child.
Secondly, because of his height, he is quite clumsy and heavy-footed, and often bumps into people, pushes them out the way more roughly than I think he means to and can generally appear quite rough. He also has a very short attention span when he is in a busy place/crowd, which I put down to over-excitement, as he is capable of long periods of quite play and concentration at home; and he is an escape artist - let go of his hand for a second and he will run off extremely fast (a fit adult would struggle to catch him), which can obviously be very dangerous (not to mention frustrating!).

I don't see a problem with the way my son is. He is who he is, he is still practically a baby, and although we are introducing the idea of discipline into his little world, I refuse to label him as 'naughty' as I genuinely don't think he is. I think he is just very bright and enthusiastic and interested in the world, and not one to sit quietly and obey orders.

Without going into details here (long story) I am sick of the way some other parents stare / shake their heads / tut / whisper to each other and generally act in a disapproving, unsympathetic way towards me and my son.
I am a smiley, friendly person and my son is a sociable, lovely, funny little boy - yet we seem to provoke a really nasty reaction in some people. They think it is ok to look dispaproving or make snide comments and I have just about come to the end of my tether. What do I do for the best? I have worked very hard throughout my twenties to relax the confrontational, 'what the fuck are you looking at?" side of me and am now a very calm, rational person in my 30's - I don't want to be rude and rowdy - but what do you do when you have just HAD ENOUGH??

I don't mind AS directness anymore, either, and much prefer it to whispers, tutts, sighs, head nodding, etc.

Just tell it like it is!

Just ask why she is still in nappies!

I will tell you she has a condition called dyspraxia and it causes motor skills delays.

AS people just move on to the next.

LOL, though, fras, I work with a very gifted AS person who will now say, 'Am I being rude? Is this a very personal question?'

Then she'll say, 'I am sorry. But I'm not really sorry. I can't be really sorry. What is really sorry?'

ARRGGGHHH! Never mind!

My DD is tall too. She is in size 4-5 clothes and isn't yet 3 and a half. I get comments ALL of the time about how tall she is. This morning one of the soccer mums commented on the fact that her nearly 5 year old is the same height as DD.
My answer is usually along the lines of "We need to have small kids and big kids to even get an 'average' height on a chart" and "Well, adults come in different heights, why not children?" and more often I talk about the genetics of it - my family is a family of GIANTS (all men well over 6 foot tall ... my grandfather was 6'5" tall. The women are tall too - my sister 5'10 as is my aunt. I am the shortest woman at 5'7" tall)
It is boring when people talk about it, and exceedingly stressful when DD acts her age and people wonder why that 5 year old is having a wobbly in the supermarket ...
But I don't get angry. Life is too short.
I love the 'tall kids do better at school' and 'tall people earn more' theory ... will store those up for DD when she is a teenager towering over all the spotty boys in her class

Been reading this thread and have to admit to getting all nervy about the future of my DS. He's only 13 months but he's off the page (not just off the chart!) for height. When he is kneeling he is the same height as most of his peers. At the moment it is ok because he still has baby hair and baby features (thank goodness) but I can see a lifetime ahead of him justifying his behaviour. It brings back memories of my own childhood where I was always head and shoulders above my peers and it's very hard on the self-confidence of a child - you can't blend in to the crowd! My mum once tried to get me free in to a museum - I was 12 it was free under 16 and in response to my mum giving my age the person on the desk said "and I suppose you're only 21 madam"!!! People are very narrow minded if they haven't encountered things for themselves. Going to an all girls school I was also always cast in male roles in drama because of my height - hated it. I guess I'm going to have to grow a thick skin and think of some strategies of dealing with it as DS gets older.

Just wanted to say thank you for all your replies. Its fantastic to know that there are other parents and children with similar issues - it really does help :-)

thats ok.

dd2 scooters to school. with lots if shouts from me to say 'keeop head up, look where you are going etc'. so many people tut at her as she zooms along. usually she just falls off herself and doesnt bash anyone.

today she almost scootered into my uncle who is using a mobility scooter himself after shattering his leg in a bike accident. he jokingly said 'oh she has as much road sense as her mum' (she didnt hit him ,stopped at the road, was just being 4yrs old) i replied 'well she is just 4' he laughed and said 'so whats your excuse' lol, cheeky man!

if it had been anyone i would've said a lot more, but i knew he was joking. today she had a red jumper and white t shirt on as well similar to the school kids, oops! usually make her wear a yellow t-shirt with the red jumper so she doesnt look like a school kid.

Yes. think of it as a definite advantage...just be short/sharp/polite with anyone who says any different....

I love cat64 and wigwambam?s comments at these rude people! Pmsl in fact!!!

Personally wouldn?t be upset or annoyed at a toddler unintentionally hurting my ds but would be mightlily p*ssed off if their mum was there and did nothing about it. Not with the child but with the mum. I guess its hard to get round the fact that your child looks older though as obviously people have greater expectations of an older child. I think though that if you are seen to be telling him what he has done wrong - and it sounds as though you do this really well ? that the mums of the other children should be more understanding. If not I would try a comment along the lines of cat64 / wigwambam like ?he?s 2, whats your excuse for being rude??

Very early days of being mum to a profoundly autistic boy.

Adult in queue "why is he being weird like that"
me " because he is autistic. But he is having therapy and is getting much better whereas you will be ugly and thick forever"

Woman of a certain age " that boy is being very naughty. A good smack would help"
me "you're right. Lets take him out the back. You hold him - I'll beat the crap out of him"

I do know better now