...to expect other parents to have ^some^ empathy? Long & Ranty

[LoveAngel]

I'm usually quite a carefree person and don't let what other people think bother me massively, but today I feel like punching a wall (or some smug b*tch's face!) and need to know I'm not on my own...

My 2 and a half yr old is a bit different from most of his peers. He's very very tall (he looks about 4) and talks exceptionally well for his age - however, his height and speech both cause him some problems.
Firstly, people expect him to act in a more mature way because they mistake him for an older child.
Secondly, because of his height, he is quite clumsy and heavy-footed, and often bumps into people, pushes them out the way more roughly than I think he means to and can generally appear quite rough. He also has a very short attention span when he is in a busy place/crowd, which I put down to over-excitement, as he is capable of long periods of quite play and concentration at home; and he is an escape artist - let go of his hand for a second and he will run off extremely fast (a fit adult would struggle to catch him), which can obviously be very dangerous (not to mention frustrating!).

I don't see a problem with the way my son is. He is who he is, he is still practically a baby, and although we are introducing the idea of discipline into his little world, I refuse to label him as 'naughty' as I genuinely don't think he is. I think he is just very bright and enthusiastic and interested in the world, and not one to sit quietly and obey orders.

Without going into details here (long story) I am sick of the way some other parents stare / shake their heads / tut / whisper to each other and generally act in a disapproving, unsympathetic way towards me and my son.
I am a smiley, friendly person and my son is a sociable, lovely, funny little boy - yet we seem to provoke a really nasty reaction in some people. They think it is ok to look dispaproving or make snide comments and I have just about come to the end of my tether. What do I do for the best? I have worked very hard throughout my twenties to relax the confrontational, 'what the fuck are you looking at?" side of me and am now a very calm, rational person in my 30's - I don't want to be rude and rowdy - but what do you do when you have just HAD ENOUGH??

people ask me if Ds and Dd1 are twins as they are the same height, there is 2.5 years between them.

I frequently used to say "My daughter is being vile because she's 2 years old; what's your excuse?"

(She wasn't vile, btw - just being a two year old!).

Ds is quite tall, although nothing as extreme as some of the children mentioned here. And I've had occasions where I've had to explain 'he's only three or 'he's not old enough to be in school'. People usually look surprised and either shut up or say something apologetic or kind, thank heavens.

Once a 7yo boy in a playground started laughing because he spotted ds's nappy (as ds scrambled up the climbing frame). I had to explain ds was still only two. Boy just looked taken aback and said 'Oh, OK then' and they played very nicely together.

Maybe I'm just lucky enough to live somewhere with lots of people who aren't particularly nasty to tall children.

I've had similar issues with the ds of a friend of mine. He is 2.5 but seems much bigger / heavier (can't comment on the speech as he only speaks Swedish). He seems a bit of a terror to me and has upset my ds (2) greatly. He can do stuff that any two year old will do, but he can do it harder and more aggressively than a typical two year old.

As an aside, I think my friend wanted me to tell him off whilst he was staying with me but I didn't like to because of the usual 'telling off other people's children' thing plus he can't speak English, so a bit harsh. I did always send him to his mum for a telling off but even so.

The unintentional roughness thing I really relate to, I'm absolutely sure this little boy didn't mean any harm by constantly sending my ds flying /nicking his toys etc. but I have to say my gut instinct as a mum was to want to defend my ds despite any reasonable expectations of behaviour I tried to have.

I got DD1 a tshirt that reads, 'I'm 4'.

expat, i want dd2 to have one of those for days out over the summer. do they do them in age 7-8?

Misdee, I bought a plain tshirt in Matalan and had a local shop customise it with sewn-on appliques.

Because age 4 tshirts look like midriff tops on 'Miss Spanky Lanky' as her father calls her .

It's sad when people give her age 4 clothes and they don't fit her.

American clothes seem to be cut for much taller children, however, and nearly all the trousers have adjustable waists, so that's where she gets most of her clothes.

i buy dd2 trousers from tecos and next, as she needs the length but is pretty slim, so everything falls off her.

they also have adjustable waists

That's good to know, misdee, because once we move all we'll have is a Tesco.

DD1 is very slender and things do fall off her.

I usually have to leave three buttonholes on her trousers before they fit her.

At her birthday party there was another girl a couple of months older. Same height but this girl was 4 st. to DD1's 2.5.

oh I hate it when children point out/laugh at older children in nappies. It makes me

I'm waiting for that one, gess.

dd2 is 3stone. and 48inches. same height as my 7.5yr old.

DD1, 47 inches. 2.5 st.

And still in nappies!

First OT assessment 23 July - woohoo!

Thing is my dd would probably point out if an older child had a nappy on but that is because she has AS and says what she thinks. Just another side to things!

Tall people tend to earn more too and are more likely to get to senior positions too so may be his time will come.

This has been an issue for years. When I was little I remember my mother telling us about a boy who looked 2 years older than he was and who was expected to behave 2 years old. What about buying T shirts with a large slogan saying "I am two"

I completely agree with your non-labelling approach LA.

I do not think you should tailor your parenting to suit other parents, however, I wonder if perhaps it would be appropriate to acknowledge that your ds (who is very young, but as you have stated IS bright and energetic) is capable of hurting other children without intending to do so. Therefore, it may be wise for you to be available to intervene, not to tell your ds that his naughty but to gently explain to him that he IS tall and strong for a two year old and that he needs to be careful of other people, because he could hurt someone by accident.

My ds is similar and I think it is simply reassuring to other parents to know that you are acting as your child's conscience when he is too young to have developed one for himself.

Fras, having worked with two AS students, I know exactly what you mean!

Ah expat, so you'd know she wasn't being nasty just stating the obvious. Hard though.
The amount of times I have had to say to dd we don't say to someone that they are fat as it will hurt their feelings I do think it is sinking in just!

I don't mind AS directness- completely used to that. Prefer it tbh. "why's he wearing nappies" asked directly to you is fine. DS1 has been out of them since he was 5 during the day so its a long time ago, but there were always some children who would have a real thing about it (and they didn't have AS- it wasn't done in an AS way, nore of a group huddle going on!), nor would they listen to explanations. Get it sometimes with speech stuff now, but we don't take ds1 to kids stuff much anymore so not as often!

ds2 says what he sees as well frascati, and he has no excuse being NT. The worse one was in the Ladies in Truro cathedral, rather butch looking lady washing her hads "Mummy why's there a man in here" Me growling "there isn't" "yes there is Mummy- look".