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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

He called hookers to the house

77 replies

OMFL · 04/03/2019 03:53

We were having some renovation work done at home. We agreed it's best we stayed in a hotel for a week. He was meant to stay too but only stayed 1 night. A week later I find an empty condom wrapper on my side of our bed between the bed and drawers. We have never in 12 years used them ever. I confronted him and asked who came over not expecting to hear what i was told. 1st came out with random excuse of "oh some girls were knocking on the door but I turned them away". My response was in 12 years no one has ever randomly knocked on the door cus of where we live, especially a group of girls! He soon enough confessed he called an escort agency but bottled it wen he opened the door and turned them away. I'm too stunned for words. I told him I didn't believe him. He carried on protesting till I showed him condom wrapper. He laughed and said he used it himself while masturbating as it's lubed up. After rowing most of the day he has turned it all on me and basically said "well do you blame me you ugly fat cunt, look at the state of you". I could go on and on and on about him but seriously AIBU??

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 04/03/2019 10:51

Clearly your marriage is over. He cheats on you with prostitutes and calls you horrible nasty names. Not the actions of a loving and caring husband for sure.

StinkyCandle · 04/03/2019 11:05

I genuinely believe in your partner being your best friend. Some people feel they have to settle with someone they are comfortable with, but give them a social status, financial comfort and so on.

Why on earth are you still with that man? He's not bringing anything positive in your life! It's not a silly argument, he's not having the smallest ounce of respect for you.
Do you work? Could you manage financially on your own? If not, that would be my very first step to get the hell out of there.

Original poster
OMFL · 04/03/2019 11:07

I have no plan or idea what to do. I have no finances. Everything is in his name. I'm just numb. Thank you to everyone who has replied. You are all helping me dig deep for some strength.

OP posts:
Original poster
OMFL · 04/03/2019 11:08

No I'm in a pathetic situation. I'm just a SAHM.

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 04/03/2019 11:13

What the hell!

Do you have family and friends to turn to?

StinkyCandle · 04/03/2019 11:14

well, there's no rush.
You can start doing your CV, see what job you could get, possibly retrain and go from there.

Practically you could also walk out with nothing, but in real life, as long as your life is not in danger, it's not an ideal solution.

It's difficult, but once you have a job or something, could you live with parents, siblings for a little while? It works for some families, not for others, but would that be possible for you?
It's more tricky to ask friends, reading MN many people resent guests for more than 3 hours, so it really depends on who is your network support (I would happily take any of my sister for months, wouldn't be extra convenient, but we would have no issue with it)

bluejelly · 04/03/2019 11:17

You have to get out. You are not pathetic - he is. Definitely tell a friend or close family member.
Do you have kids?

StinkyCandle · 04/03/2019 11:18

You are not in a pathetic situation, you have options!
You just need to start looking at possible solutions and think long term.

Luckingfovely · 04/03/2019 11:31

Take one small step at a time, as long as you are working towards leaving him.

Get all the advice you need - many lovely and wise people on here who will help.

And start looking forward to a much happier future without this abusive shitbag.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2019 11:31

Everything is in his name? That just shows what kind of pig he is. I’m a sahm everything is shared.

Ok can you pretend you believe him and get every piece of paper relating to his finances copied?
Shares
Pension
Investments
Payslips
P60 from last year
Bank accounts

Do you have a joint bank account? Do you have your own bank account? Be careful he doesn’t empty the joint account. Get yourself it a solicitor. Then let him know the score. Flowers

MrsJBaptiste · 04/03/2019 11:34

For me, him calling me an 'ugly, fat cunt' is worse than the hookers. That is just something I could never get past. He sounds awful OP, I'm so sorry you're married to someone like this.

EveryYouEveryMe · 04/03/2019 11:38

You are not just a SAHM, thats how he sees you and he's made you believe that. You are not just that, You are so much more. You've got a lot of great advice here and you will get some more. You'll find your strength to grab that piece of shits bollocks over hot coals.

ViolaD77 · 04/03/2019 11:48

Please leave him. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

Original poster
OMFL · 04/03/2019 14:10

He's extremely drunk and saying he will kill me tonight. Kids are due home soon. He wants to do it b4 then so be can deny it to them. All this cus I confronted him on the condom wrapper and then he told me about the hookers. How dare I!!!

OP posts:
Motherofcreek · 04/03/2019 14:14

Call the police. Now

Whatnotea · 04/03/2019 14:15

Call the police and get him arrested, he is threatening you.
What about money do you have access to anything.

CustardySergeant · 04/03/2019 14:15

You are going to call the police now aren't you?

Luckingfovely · 04/03/2019 14:16

PLEASE CALL THE POLICE NOW!!

You need him out of your life this minute.

TheQueef · 04/03/2019 14:20

You need to call them OMFL.
You've opened that pigs can of worms and he will be smarting from being caught.
He's backed into a corner and will be unpredictable and escalate.

Don't risk it, get help.

capaciousbladder · 04/03/2019 14:21

You need the police. Now. Please keep yourself safe. Even if these are drunken, empty threats, he's saying these things for a reason. Call 999, day you have been threatened, that you fear for your safety and kids home soon.
At the very least, they will take him away to prevent a Breach of the Peace and give you some space to consider your options. And call a locksmith. And get someone round to be with you and give you some support.
So sorry to hear this. You and your kids are better off without this man.

downcasteyes · 04/03/2019 14:24

Call the police immediately. Don't minimise or trivialise this. It's really serious. You need support and help to stay safe. If you can't do it for you, do it for your children.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 04/03/2019 14:26

Ok this is a dangerous situation for you OP.

Call the police now. Do not minimise this.
Be very clear that he has made threats to kill you and you believe that you are in immediate physical danger. He is heavily intoxicated and could be unpredictable in his behaviour.

TheVanguardSix · 04/03/2019 14:33

Get a good, decent, brand new Bantam lock on that new door of your fully renovated house. Then sell, split proceeds, and move on to a life better lived. Life’s too short. Time with a-holes like him is like dumping life down the u bend. Get your living on!

What’s wrong with people? How awful for you, OP. Flowers

JaneTheVirgin · 04/03/2019 14:35

Your husband is threatening to kill you and you're posting on mumsnet about it? Please grow up and protect yourself and children.

TheVanguardSix · 04/03/2019 14:35

Oh shit! Missed the update.
Call police.
Call a locksmith.
Stay with the kids at mum’s.

What a horrible, horrible, horrible man. Hopefully he’ll pass out in his own sick soon and give you a few hour’s peace! Shock