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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with unsolicited parking “help” from men?

62 replies

Shoppingwithmother · 03/03/2019 19:42

Really I should be posting this on Pistonheads I suppose.

Three times in the past month I have been parking/manoeuvring my car and been pissed off by random strangers - always men- trying to wave me/ beckon me/ direct me/ give me instructions.

I drive a nice car. I am a very confident driver. I am especially good at parking. I also have really good cameras which give me a birds eye view. On no occasion have I looked like I was having trouble or taken a long time.

All the help I need is for them to get out of my fucking way - them standing in front of my car is the only thing holding me up!

I have literally had to wind down the window and ask them to just move and leave me to it each time.

WTF is wrong with these men - and it is always men?

AIBU to find this annoying and really patronising (and sexist)?

OP posts:
Singletomingle · 03/03/2019 21:39

I'll own up and say I've tried to help many people over the years male and female. However I would never interveen until I am sure they are struggling usually at the point its either help, laugh or cry. Also anyone who says parking sensors make it easy, Ive lost count of the number of cars with clear parking damage and sensors.

namechanger0064 · 03/03/2019 21:59

Absolutely. So fucking patronising. Three point turns and parallel parking is my forte Grin I drive a very nice car so am assuming they think it's my husbands, I'm borrowing it and they're helping me not prang it. Yes, I'm jumping to conclusions but so are they in thinking I can't park!!

ooooohbetty · 03/03/2019 22:03

I'm shit at parking. I wish someone, male or female, would do that for me.

Original poster
Shoppingwithmother · 03/03/2019 22:27

That’s part of my reason, Andy - I trust my own judgement far more than that of some random bloke. Particularly as using my cameras I can see exactly how much room I’ve got....or I would be able to if his fucking legs weren’t in the way!

The thing is, if you’re parking, especially involving reversing, if a pedestrian approaches you, you need to stop until they have gone past. I’m a good driver, so I do. But stopping to let them pass only seems to encourage them to think they should “help” me. So I end up having to tell them to leave me alone. They then think I’m being rude or awkward. None of this would ever apply to a male driver, I am sure.

OP posts:
westendgirl780 · 03/03/2019 22:36

Saw a case at work where the wife ran down and killed her husband who was doing that very thing. (Accidentally! But a lesson to them all!!)

Justonemorepancake · 03/03/2019 22:39

Jesus! I confess, when I read that I initially thought she spotted him out of the window 'helping' someone park, and ran downstairs and killed him. I'm tired and was confused.
That's bloody awful.

AdobeWanKenobi · 03/03/2019 22:43

I recall a man waving me down on a shopping centre car park once to tell me I only had one reverse light working.
I smiled and thanked him and carried on my way knowing full well the car I had at the time only had one bloody reverse light fitted.

His heart was in the right place I suppose.

Amortentia · 03/03/2019 22:47

I don’t drive and usually cycle everywhere and I get this every time I lock my bike to a stand if there is a male cyclist there too. Either my tyres are to flat, to full 🙄, or something isn’t right. My OH used to build and repair bikes so I’m pretty sure my bike is fine and in perfect condition but they can’t seem to help themselves. I’m pretty sure they don’t do this to their fellow male cyclists.

In contrast, I’m often approached by elderly women who tell me how jealous they are I’m out on a bike as they miss cycling so much.

HoneyDragon · 03/03/2019 23:11

Adobe that’s happened to me twice this year. Both men. The one that wound me up was they guy who banged on my car roof to get my attention. He was a twat, and looked offended when I pointed out the car only has the one.

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2019 05:41

People wave for an ambulance?!

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2019 05:43

Amortentia that's so sad. There's a gap there, silver cyclists

floribunda18 · 04/03/2019 05:49

Actually this happened to me yesterday, when I was reverse parking my 7-seater car, but it was a woman! I hadn't the heart to tell her I could see all that she was saying (better) on the parking camera, and also have sensors and good wing mirrors (and 25 years' experience of driving) and just said "Thank you!" I'm sure she thought she was being helpful.

It would be annoying if it happened a lot though, and the person stood in the way.

Fraxion · 04/03/2019 06:21

It's never happened to me but the golf driving range is a different matter.

Xiaoxiong · 04/03/2019 09:14

This just happened to me the other day! I started to reverse into a parallel parking space and a man stepped off the pavement into the space so I stopped and waited for him to either cross the road behind me or get back on the pavement. He didn't move, I waited, it got awkward, he made eye contact in my mirror and then started beckoning me back! I opened my door and said "I'm sorry but I can't park while you're standing in the space, I'm waiting for you to move" and he huffed off saying "only trying to help"! Honestly I think he thought my lady brain was paralysed by fear of parking and that's why I wasn't moving.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 04/03/2019 09:22

I have a theory, and it is always proved, that if a group of people are watching anyone manoeuvre a car, one of them (a man) will say at least two of the following

left hand down a bit
hard round
full lock
more revs
eaa-assssy

Hmm
ButterflyBitch · 04/03/2019 09:28

I have to back out of my driveway on to a very busy road. I go slowly carefully and always manage to get out perfectly fine.
If anyone has ever ‘helped’ me either by waving me out or like utter numpties stepping in to the road to look for me, it’s been a man. As if I can’t fucking do it. Fuck off you mansplaining fuckwit. Makes me so cross.

ButterflyBitch · 04/03/2019 09:29

Oh yanbu. Thankfully no ones ever tried to help me park. I might get gobby

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 04/03/2019 09:38

MsMighty not forgetting the cheesy, comedy "thumbs up", often following the eaa-asssy when the wimmin has finished Grin

TedAndLola · 04/03/2019 09:40

I've never experienced this but I can imagine how enraging it would be! Trying to think of the best way to respond...

Booboostwo · 04/03/2019 09:50

I had this but it was a woman. I was getting out of a large space onto an empty road. I was managing just fine but she walked up to my window so I rolled it down and she offered to help. I said I was fine and did not need help but she insisted. She kept waving me back until I bumped into a tree (very slow speed, no damage done to either car or tree)! I have no idea what she was thinking!

But men do like to mansplain driving to women or celebrate ordinary feats of driving. I met another car on a very narrow lane with space for only one car, so I reversed a considerable distance to a passing place - no problem, I was used to this happening on this lane. Then the male driver drove up to my car and stopped, blocking me in. He rolled down his window and said that after this display of reversing he takes back everything he's said about women drivers! Hmm

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/03/2019 09:51

Ah yes! I hate that. I often have to park outsde a short row of wine bars that have outside seating (anyone from 'Nam will know where I mean Smile )

I have lost count the number of times some half cut man in a cheap suit has tried to 'help' me! Yes, that one time I was hesitant, I was in a new car, it's a mini and I had been driving a Z3 for 2 decades.. think about the difference in bonnet, seating, wheel lock etc!

Actualy no, don't think about anything, just fuck off!

That said they did give me a great round of applause once. A man in an Aygo took ages, about 52squillion back and forths to get out of a space, I was so annoyed (and getting later by the shuffle) I just reversed the Z3 in and got out. I may have taken a bow Grin

ShadyLady53 · 04/03/2019 10:15

YADNBU. I drive a smallish car but have always got this from men, usually much older ones. One of the most recent times getting into a very tricky spot that’s been my allocated parking for 10 years, I had to say to the elderly man who was yelling “that’s it, come on, you’ve got PLENTY of room!”, “excuse me, it’s very kind but I don’t need your help, I’ve been getting in this space every week for 10 years”, “Oh it’s no bother lovey, come on, straight back”, “Please can you leave me to it, you’re setting off my parking sensors and it’s realky frustrating trying to park and having my car keep beeping because you’re in the way!” He was really offended.

I’ve also, on about 3 occasions, had men stand on the pavement and watch me getting into a tight space, chuckling away to themselves. It always pisses them off when I manage it no bother.

The worst was actually when my Dad was parallel parking before we all went to the theatre. As he started to reverse back a woman came and stood in the parking space. We waited, half in half out of the space, for her to cross the road. She didn’t. She got her phone out. One of us wound down the window “we’re trying to park please can you move?” and she replied no, she was saving this space for her husband! And she refused to move. We also refused to move and there was a stand off. She kept saying “I’ve called him to tell him I’ve saved him a park though?!” and we were all saying that a pedestrian cannot reserve a car parking space for someone by standing in it and blocking any cars from entering. She kept saying how rude we were! If it wasn’t for the fact my parents are in their 70s and have lots of problems with walking long distances (one has COPD and heart problems, the other severe Osteoarthritis and a history of mini strokes that’s left a weakness on one side) we probably would have left her to it.

Sirzy · 04/03/2019 10:17

I have never had anyone try to help me park without asking but did have a man say “well done, you parked that well for a woman” after I reversed into a space the other week! Hmm

kingfisherblue33 · 04/03/2019 10:18

Saw a case at work where the wife ran down and killed her husband who was doing that very thing. (Accidentally! But a lesson to them all!!)

Oh westend, that made me laugh guiltily.

plominoagain · 04/03/2019 10:37

Hey , I get it at work , and I drive police cars ! No it's ok mate , I'm an advanced TPAC pursuit driver , I drive everything from carriers downwards far faster than you're ever going to be allowed to do , I get assessed every single year voluntarily so I know I'm good enough , so yes , I can park that Astra with six inches space either end without you doing parking semaphore for me.

And then we get out of the car and they talk to the male probationer like he's the boss ...

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