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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

RE teenage D Sis, and my new puppy.

83 replies

Bamchic · 03/03/2019 11:54

D sis is ten years younger than me (she’s 18) we live not far from each other (7 miles) and recently DH and I decided to get a cockerpoo. (Our last dog died a year or so ago) DDog is 8 weeks old, we’ve had her a few days and it is fair to say Dsis is enamoured and obsessed which is lovely.
However she wants to take DDog off to a friends house this pm without me and I have said no.
My reasons being
DDog hasn’t been to said friends house before, and hasn’t really been with anyone but me and DH since we got her,
D friends have a carpeted house, and whilst we are making fab progress on toilet training I really don’t want her to pee or poo on someone lovely carpet.
I don’t know where she’s going, or how long she will be and DDog hasn’t had all her jabs yet.
DDog is also zonked as we had the neighbors round this AM for a cuppa, so not only has she been chased by the toddler, she’s had a 3 year old golden retriever a 6 yo and a 7 yo to play with from 830 -11.

The solutions I have offered.
If DM and DF don’t mind (d sis still lives at home with our parents) I’m happy to leave the puppy there and she can have friends over to dm’s (we go there quite regularly, and the dog has a toileting area outside, and mum and dad have all oak flooring in case there was an accident I know where their cleaning stuff is, and could sort it rapido, although as she knows where to go I think it would be fine!)

I can bring DDog to meet the friends at home, but I must stay.

We can go to a cafe or country pub local to Dsis and friends, and I will buy everyone a drink and we can all chill there. (Friends of mine and dh’s run both the cafe and pub with me having previously worked in the cafe and DH in the pub, so we are a bit like old furniture and have popped in a few times with the dog, so she knows what’s what.)

D sis has just sent me this message in response

“You’re really selfish bam, I can’t believe you won’t let me take puppychic out to x y z’s House. You’re really letting everyone down. Don’t expect me to give you your tyre pump or your black dress back, I’m taking them to the tip. Fuck off”

Pretty sure IANBU. But good grief. Teenagers!!

OP posts:
HomeMadeMadness · 03/03/2019 13:12

Bloody hell, i had some embarrassingly moody and selfish moments aa a teenager but she's really extreme. I would take back your kind offers of introducing the dog to her friends and not respond to her ridiculous tantrum.

userschmoozer · 03/03/2019 13:14

Live animals are not toys, and unvaccinated pups shouldn't be dragged around to show off to mate.

ItsalmostSummer · 03/03/2019 13:15

She doesn’t sound 18. Are you sure this happened?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/03/2019 13:18

YABVVU to start a thread about an adorable Puppy without a photograph. AngryGrin
Sorry missed the point of the thread.
Too busy day dreaming about cute pups

LIZS · 03/03/2019 13:20

Agree with pictish message. Tbh you muddied the waters a bit by suggesting any alternative when the real answer was a simple no. She does not sound mature enough to leave alone with a puppy.

Bambamber · 03/03/2019 13:23

I think she has just shown that she is far too childish to take care of the puppy. She is putting her wants in front of the puppy' s needs and is being incredibly selfish

greenpop21 · 03/03/2019 13:26

She's obviously boasted about the puppy and now has to lose face to her friends but to be honest she sounds 13 not 18 and I have an 18 and a 15 yr old so I know. Your reasons are totally justified, stick to them.

Original poster
Bamchic · 03/03/2019 13:27

stormwhale I think you’re right. Anyway just spoken to dm and it seems she has trotted off to cribbs causeway (or nearest shopping centre about an hour away for those not in Somerset or Glos.

OP posts:
akmum18 · 03/03/2019 13:27

Agree with the others, very childish of her. It’s your puppy for your family, not a toy or accessory she can parade around. If it was a baby the answer would be no as you don’t know the people she will be going to, and she’s proven she’s too immature to take charge of a puppy. I’d leave her to calm down then explain to her she can visit the dog or you can meet but she’s not to take your dog wherever she likes whenever she likes. I have pcos and I know the hormones can really effect you, but it’s no excuse for her attitude tbh.

ohfourfoxache · 03/03/2019 13:32

PCOS/mood swings are not an excuse for being an entitled cunt.

Don’t put up with this shit

Veterinari · 03/03/2019 13:33

@Bamchic
the vet suggested she just come to all the usual places we go, but stay in arms until she’s fully vaccinated so she gets used to the sounds and smells before she goes down? We live quite rurally but the nearest town where DM lives has the bakery pub and cafe as well as a few dog friendly shops so we Potter about down ther with her.

Your vet is absolutely correct and PP who suggest restricting her to the house and not going anywhere are outdated and missing essential socialising opportunities. The risk of developing behavioural disorders far outweighs the tiny risks of disease with careful socialisation

chocatoo · 03/03/2019 13:34

Her behaviour is appalling. I think you were right to send the text. You should not have to put up with being treated so badly and not respond. I would be very angry if I was you and I would make it clear that she is not to come anywhere near you or the puppy until she has apologised profusely.

userschmoozer · 03/03/2019 13:34

There's more to socialization than just taking the pup out, the experience has to be emotionally neutral or positive.

IHateUncleJamie · 03/03/2019 13:45

YADNBU. That said, I don’t understand why you offered ANY solutions/compromises?

Not only is the puppy your dog, he is a baby. At 8 weeks he is barely old enough to leave Mum (some breeders now say 10 weeks at the earliest) and for now he needs calm and his own space like a crate where he can go whenever he needs to rest or get away from stimulation. Fine for people to come and meet him, also fine for you to take him out (in your arms until he’s had his vaccinations) for short periods of socialisation and new experiences. As you know though, he’ll be tired out afterwards.

What he is not is a toy or accessory to be passed round. As he’s already had visitors this morning, all you needed to say was “Sorry, no.”

Also, unless she wants to be reported for theft then she needs to give the dress and tyre pump back next time she sees you.

HeyNannyNanny · 03/03/2019 13:51

"the fact that your reaction to my perfectly reasonable refusal for you to treat my dog like a toy was to threaten to trash my stuff means that you clearly aren't mature or responsible enough to take him anywhere, but at least you've given me that heads up"

Serin · 03/03/2019 13:51

Oh he is a very young puppy to be being 'shown off' like some sort of accessory.

The irony of her calling you selfish!

You are doing the right thing OP.

Cherrysoup · 03/03/2019 13:54

It’s a dog, not a toy. Be careful not to overtire him. Don’t put him on grass except at your house, foxes get everywhere. A pub might be a bit much if it’s busy. Your sister having him is outrageous, he needs to stay and bond with you lot first, no way would I trust her to keep him safe given her immature attitude. A bunch of squealing kids might be far too much for him.

puppymouse · 03/03/2019 15:33

Jesus. My sister is 12 years younger than me and if she ever spoke to me like that I'd stonewall her until she apologised.

If it was over my ddog I'm not sure I could get past it in a hurry. But I am v precious over my animals. She can take DD to her friend's.

HotpotLawyer · 03/03/2019 15:45

What?????

A puppy is not a toy. Nor a fashion accessory for your Dsis.

She is being selfish not putting a very new puppy’s needs first.

‘Letting everyone down’ LOL. She is hilariously ridiculous.

I would ignore her.

LittleLongDog · 03/03/2019 15:45

Glad you didn’t let your dsis take the puppy. How long have you had her?

CheshireChat · 03/03/2019 15:54

I'd also refuse to lend her anything for a long, looong time and tell her exactly why.

Limensoda · 03/03/2019 15:55

With an attitude like that, I wouldn't trust her with the puppy, ever!
She shouldn't react like that even if you had just said 'No' with no reason given.
As for not returning your things and threatening to take them to the tip, if it was my sister, I'd scare the life out of her if she tried that one.

ENormaSnob · 03/03/2019 16:09

She's an utter bell end.

Stupid spiteful cunt.

BlueJava · 03/03/2019 16:15

She sounds very petualant and not the sort of person I'd want to leave my puppy or dog with. Who threatens to take a pump or dress to the tip?! Your puppy, your rules. She takes a hike and I'd be so pissed off I'd would never agree to anything like that for several years at least.

OffToBedhampton · 03/03/2019 16:17

@pictish. 's text would be great.

Tbh I'd send that

YWNBU to say no and he reply was nasty. What a childish 18 year old! Send her away when she visits DPuppy until she apologies and recognises DPup has his/her own needs as a living being and you & DH are in charge of what DPup does and when, to ensure that.